An OT Example of a Quality Friendship

This is our 3rd week into our mini-series on “Key Elements to Building Quality Friendships”
1st week: John 15 – 4 Keys to Quality Friendships [Last week – notes are available]
 Love // Sacrifice // Obedience to the Word // Honest Communication
2nd week: Proverbs – Wisdom for Quality Friendships [much of that study had to do with communication, motives for friendship, and the function of a friend – a day-to-day basis!)
TODAY: Jonathan & David – An OT Example of a Quality Friendship
Week 4: Paul & Barnabus – A NT Example of a Quality Friendship
Purpose: To give glory to God in our friendships with each other
- God can be glorified (given the right opinion) because God is a relational being
- He created us in His image and likeness – i.e. with the capacity to establish and develop a relationship with Him and with others
- we can give God glory by the way we show love to our friends // solve problems, etc.
Goal: To strengthen our discipleship ministry by being the kind of friend God describes.
Fellowship = a close mutual relationship; participation, sharing in; partnership; contribution
3. We want FBC to built on the foundation of knowing God through knowing His Word where he has revealed Himself – and loving our God and loving the people around us!
- that is a fruit of the Spirit and it takes humility, submission, and a disciplined life of walking with the Lord (“dwelling in the Vine” as we discussed last week)!
4. Open your bibles to 1 Samuel 18 [READ 18:1-4 – give the context, 17:55-58 – David had just defeated Goliath and cut off his head; he brings it to Saul and Saul wants to know who David is?]
- You’d expect the text to read: And Saul really thanked David and repented of the fact that he was fearful and didn’t have the faith this young man had, and they were buddies forever
- But that’s not the way it happened – instead, the next section deals with the establishment of a godly relationship between Saul’s son, Jonathan, and David
Q: What does this relationship teach us about God and how He wants our relationships to look?

I. God Uses People to Shape Our Lives

- God uses His Word, His church, He uses trials . . .and He uses PEOPLE to mold and shape our lives for His glory and our good (spiritual growth into Christlikeness)
Input: Who has been one of your best friends and why? What was/is true of your relationship to that person? [various answers]
- God used Jonathan to shape David’s life and God used David to shape Jonathan’s life [Jonathan watched David kill Goliath and cut off his head in defense of the name of the Lord]
- the fact that Jonathan (means Jehovah has given) was drawn toward of man of such faith, tell us something about Jonathan’s character [mention the element of humility of Jonathan !]
* How did this relationship begin? 18:1 ‘the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David’
Knit = lit. chained together; to bind, tie, bind together
> Starting right helps you to keep it right!! [doesn’t guarantee it, but sure helps]
- because a good foundation is important to the structure of any building (even relationships)
- if the foundation isn’t solid, then the relationship usually gets pretty rocky
A. You have to learn to love people if you’re going to be a Jonathan & David – 18:1
- you don’t have to look far to see the love of God demonstrated in both of these men’s lives
- because God is a God of love, we can learn what it looks like from Him
Input: Examples of how God has shown His love to you? FBC? ABF? [various answers]
- does the phrase in 18:1 remind you of a phrase that Jesus used:
Mark 12:29 Jesus answered, "The foremost is, 'HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD; 30 AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.' 31 "The second is this, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' There is no other commandment greater than these."
- pretty good way to start a relationship, right? – on the foundation of loving the other person
Q: Does this give us any hint that Jonathan started this relationship for what he could GET from David? – NO – not at all!
- the rest of the story makes that point obvious!
B. You have to learn to be a person of integrity (commitment) in a relationship)
• 1 Samuel 18:3 Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.
Covenant = alliance, pledge (between two people), treaty (cf. Ex. 2:24)
- same word used in Ex. 2:24 referring to God remembering the covenant He made with Abraham!
- the structure of the Hebrew verb and subject is such that JONATHAN initiates this relationship – he’s the one who wanted to make the promise/covenant with David
> you don’t find that a lot today – people aren’t really committed to relationships – its more like ‘use that person’ and move on – but that was NOT in the heart of Jonathan
Q: What reason does the text give for why Jonathan committed himself to this friendship?
> ‘because he loved him as himself’
Q: What is the reason for something being repeated in the Scriptures? A: EMPHASIS!
> IMPORTANT POINT: The foundation of godly relationships is love for others!
> when we don’t have it, we ought to admit and repent and change!
Point: We ought to be looking for individuals to whom we can demonstrate the love of God to and encourage them in their walk with the Lord!
C. You have be willing to trust your friends (vulnerability)
- look at 18:4 – Q: What was the significance of Jonathan giving David his robe, armor, and his sword, bow and belt!
 Robe – the very piece of clothing Samuel associated symbolically with kingship (The David Story, Robert Alter, W&W Norton Company, New York, p. 112
“with his cloak Jonathan is conveying to David the crown prince’s rights and claims to the throne” (Alter quoting J.R. Fokkelman, Ibid.)
 Armor, sword, bow, belt,. – that was his military equipment
Point: Jonathan put his life into the hands of his new friend, David! – that’s TRUST
Q: What made it easy for Jonathan to trust David? [remember the context of the passage]
- David demonstrated integrity and character and loyalty to the name of Jehovah
Cf. READ 1 Sam. 17:45-47 – what a statement of loyal to God of the armies of Israel!!
Point: God uses people to shape our lives –these men had a positive influence on each other!
Q: On whose life are you having an impact? Killing any Goliath’s lately? Being salt and light that others may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven? Trying to ‘connect’ with godly people who are loyal to the Lord?
“The heart of Jonathan clung more and more firmly to David with self-denying love and sacrifice. This friendship on the part of the brave and noble son of the king; not only helped David to bear the more easily all the enmity and persecution of the king when plagued by his evil spirit, but awakened and strengthened in his should that pure feeling of unswerving fidelity towards the king himself, which amounted even to love of his enemy, and, according to the marvelous counsel of the Lord, contributed greatly to the training of David for his calling to be a king after God’s own heart.” (Keil-Delitzsch, Commentary on the Old Testament, Vol. 2, Eerdmans, Grand Rapids, MI, 1976, p. 185-186)
- Not too bad of a start to a new friendship!
Q: Are you more like Jonathan, or more like a Saul? (guarded, untrusting, too busy watching out for yourself than reaching?
- One of the greatest friendships revealed in the Scriptures, is that of Jonathan and David.
- By looking at their friendship, we can discover a few secrets to good friendships.

II. God Wants Our Friendships to Grow and Endure – 1 Samuel 19 and 20

- summary of chp. 19 – Saul’s not happy w/David & tries to try to kill him; Jonathan protects him
- chp. 20 reveals more of the progression of this relationship – it’s going deeper and stronger!

* In what specific ways did these two men work on their relationship with each other?
A. Honesty – 1 Sam. 20:1-3
- David was completely honest with his friend Jonathan concerning his troubles, even though Jonathan's father was the cause.
- Jonathan was just as forthright about his conviction that David's fear was unfounded (in this case, Jonathan was wrong)
Lesson: * The strongest bonds are created by those who allow their friends into innermost places of the heart –hopes, dreams, and fears – and even struggles:
• Responding to temptation // trials
• Hard lesson learned or things we need to learn // Ways to change and grow
B. Servant’s Heart – 1 Sam. 20:4-9
- Jonathan and David had a genuine concern for one another's welfare, and were willing to aid one another.
* REAL FRIENDS care enough a/b each other to do whatever it takes to help in time of need.
> those kind of relationships don’t just happened – friendship is like a good plant, it requires cultivation and watering to make it grow.
C. Godly Communication – 1 Sam. 20:10-17
- True friends will point out a sin or fault, though it might be painful for them to do so.
- Consider the following verses:
• Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
• Psalm 141:5 Let the righteous smite me in kindness and reprove me; It is oil upon the head; Do not let my head refuse it . . .
- A friend will speak the truth, but he/she will do it lovingly (Eph. 4:15)
- A friend will not only be willing to admonish/rebuke his/her friend, but will also praise (encourage) them as well
D. On-going COMMITMENT (growing stronger) – 1 Sam. 20:18-23
- Jonathan and David made a covenant with each other, promising fidelity for all time – they did, indeed, stay friends through thick and thin until they were parted by death.
E. On-going LOYALTY – 1 Sam. 20:30-34
- Jonathan made his stand for his friend who was right and against his father who was wrong.
- One of the greatest things in Jonathan's life was when, a few years later, Saul had the army of Israel hunting David, he went out into the forest to encourage David in the Lord. 1 Sam. 23:15-18
Example: One of the great sorrows of Job was his friends had turned against him (Job 19:19)
F. Joined by LIKE PRECIOUS FAITH – 1 Sam. 20:42
- David and Jonathan's friendship had a spiritual dimension to it. They both had strong faith in the Lord.
- Their commitment and faith extended to their descendants – this is why David years later blessed Jonathan's son Mepibosheth who was lame in both of his feet. (2 Sam. 9:7)
[NT emphasis: cultivating the friendship of fellow members of the body of Christ – we are to be friendly, kind, and given to hospitality. Rom. 12:13; 1 Pet. 4:9; 3 John 13-14]
[READ Psalm 119:63 – what a verse to describe the friends we should have – it’s our CHOICE!]

ABF Series: Key Ingredients to Quality Friendships
The OT Example of Jonathan and David – 1 Samuel 18 & 20
Introduction:
Purpose: To give glory to God in our friendships with each other
Goal: To strengthen our discipleship ministry by being the kind of friend God describes

1. God Uses ______________ to Shape Our Lives
Input: Who has been one of your best friends and why? What was/is true of your relationship to that person?

* How did this relationship begin? 18:1 ‘the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David’
Knit = lit. chained together; to bind, tie, bind together
> _____________ right helps you to _____________ it right!!

A. You have to learn to __________ people if you’re going to be a Jonathan & David – 18:1
Input: Examples of how God has shown His love to you? FBC? ABF?

B. You have to learn to be a person of _____________ (commitment) in a relationship)
Covenant = alliance, pledge (between two people), treaty (cf. Ex. 2:24)

C. You have be willing to ____________ your friends (vulnerability)
“The heart of Jonathan clung more and more firmly to David with self-denying love and sacrifice. This friendship on the part of the brave and noble son of the king; not only helped David to bear the more easily all the enmity and persecution of the king when plagued by his evil spirit, but awakened and strengthened in his should that pure feeling of unswerving fidelity towards the king himself, which amounted even to love of his enemy, and, according to the marvelous counsel of the Lord, contributed greatly to the training of David for his calling to be a king after God’s own heart.” (Keil-Delitzsch, Commentary on the Old Testament, Vol. 2, Eerdmans, Grand Rapids, MI, 1976, p. 185-186)
II. God Wants Our Friendships to _________ and ___________ – 1 Samuel 19 and 20
* In what specific ways did these two men work on their relationship with each other?
A. ______________ – 1 Sam. 20:1-3
* The strongest bonds are created by those who allow their friends into the innermost places of the heart!

B. ___________ _______________ – 1 Sam. 20:4-9
* REAL FRIENDS care enough a/b each other to do whatever it takes to help in time of need.

C. Godly ________________ – 1 Sam. 20:10-17

D. On-going ________________ (growing stronger) – 1 Sam. 20:18-23

E. On-going _________________ – 1 Sam. 20:30-34
Cf. 1 Sam. 23:15-18

F. Joined by __________ _____________ _____________ – 1 Sam. 20:42

Key Verse: ____________________-

ABF Series: Key Ingredients to Quality Friendships
The OT Example of Jonathan and David
1 Samuel 18 & 20
Introduction:
Purpose: To give glory to God in our friendships with each other
Goal: To strengthen our discipleship ministry by being the kind of friend God describes
1. God Uses People to Shape Our Lives
Input: Who has been one of your best friends and why? What was/is true of your relationship to that person?
* How did this relationship begin? 18:1 ‘the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David’
Knit = lit. chained together; to bind, tie, bind together
> Starting right helps you to keep it right!!
A. You have to learn to love people if you’re going to be a Jonathan & David – 18:1
Input: Examples of how God has shown His love to you? FBC? ABF?
Mark 12:29-31
B. You have to learn to be a person of integrity (commitment) in a relationship)
Covenant = alliance, pledge (between two people), treaty (cf. Ex. 2:24)
C. You have be willing to trust your friends (vulnerability)
“The heart of Jonathan clung more and more firmly to David with self-denying love and sacrifice. This friendship on the part of the brave and noble son of the king; not only helped David to bear the more easily all the enmity and persecution of the king when plagued by his evil spirit, but awakened and strengthened in his should that pure feeling of unswerving fidelity towards the king himself, which amounted even to love of his enemy, and, according to the marvelous counsel of the Lord, contributed greatly to the training of David for his calling to be a king after God’s own heart.” (Keil-Delitzsch, Commentary on the Old Testament, Vol. 2, Eerdmans, Grand Rapids, MI, 1976, p. 185-186)
II. God Wants Our Friendships to Grow and Endure – 1 Samuel 19 and 20
* In what specific ways did these two men work on their relationship with each other?
A. Honesty – 1 Sam. 20:1-3
* The strongest bonds are created by those who allow their friends into innermost places of the heart!
B. Servant’s Heart – 1 Sam. 20:4-9
* REAL FRIENDS care enough a/b each other to do whatever it takes to help in time of need.
C. Godly Communication – 1 Sam. 20:10-17
• Proverbs 27:6; Psalm 141:5
D. On-going commitment (growing stronger) – 1 Sam. 20:18-23
E. On-going loyalty – 1 Sam. 20:30-34
Cf. 1 Sam. 23:15-18
F. Joined by like precious faith
– 1 Sam. 20:42
* Psalm 119:63