Look Also to the Interests of Others

October 28, 2006

CONNECTING with my Lord
Is God a “negotiator”? Why or why not?

[in some ways, NO – He is sovereign and works out His plan on His time frame; in other ways, YES – He appeals to us to consider the consequences of our choices, He reminds us of what He’s done or what He is going to do in order to motivate us to do the RIGHT thing, not the EASY thing!]

List ways that God has “looked out for your own interests”:
[various examples: salvation, answers to prayer, family situation, our church being blessed – EXAMPLE: Bethany Farms, Vision of Hope, NEW people!]

CONNECTING into my Life
What is a topic on which you and your spouse have a hard time coming to an agreement?

What is your concern/perspective about the topic?

What is your spouses concern/perspective about the topic?

What is God’s concern/perspective about the topic?

Use the PAUSE principle to work together and come to an agreement. Write it down.

CONNECTING into my Church!
Prayer Time: Pray that we as an ABF, church, families, and individuals will PAUSE and consider various biblical options as we seek to solve problems!

Look Also to the Interests of Others
1. Resolve the personal issues thru forgiveness.
2. Substantive issues: material things
Key Principle: When you need to negotiate, PAUSE
1. We negotiate constantly…but not THOUGHTFULLY
* Without God’s Word, it usually results in manipulation, not negotiation!
2. Competitive negotiation is natural, but COSTLY
 Philippians 2:21 For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus.
3. Cooperative negotiation is challenging, but REWARDING
 1Cor. 13:4-5 Love…is not self-seeking. (rooted in the 2 greatest commandments: Love God, love others)
 Phil. 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition (only you) or vain conceit (pride), but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
4. When you need to negotiate, PAUSE!
• PREPARE (Prov. 14:22)
 Proverbs 14:22 Will they not go astray who devise evil? But kindness and truth will be to those who devise good.
• AFFIRM relationships (Esther 5:1-4)
Example: Show respect for authority.
• UNDERSTAND interests (*Key) (Phil. 2:3-4; 1Sam. 25)
* Interests (a concern, desire, need, limitation, or something a person values or fears) are what motive people and give rise to their positions (opinions, what motivates or drives them)
Example: Abigail – 1 Sam. 25:24-35
• SEARCH for creative solutions.
 Prov. 25:2 It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.
• EVALUATE options objectively and reasonably.
* Consider testing the option(s): Example – Daniel 1:11-16
* Consider the impact this can have on our children, next generation!
END OF DVD – Open Discussion/Small Groups

CONNECTING It – Group Discussion
Do you like to negotiate? Why or why not?

[fear of man - how the other person will respond; pride – can’t control the other person, or I won’t get my way, so why try?

Do you like interacting with people that like to negotiate? Why or why not?

[fear that they will ‘trap’ you and you won’t be able to do/say what you really want to]

What is the difference between negotiation and seeking to “win”?

[the GOAL – what is the bottom line that you are wanting to accomplish? Please God and bringing Him glory, or pleasing yourself and getting what you want; negotiating is rooted in the HOLINESS of God, the LOVE of God and the GRACE of God, and the JUSTICE of God; ‘winning’ is rooted in man’s price, selfishness, control, etc.!]

CONNECTING to the Word – Small Groups
Unity is a significant theme throughout the Scripture. Read the following passages and write out the truths and observations that you see about the topic of unity:

1. 1 Corinthians 11:17-22

Verse 19 makes an interesting, maybe even unusual, statement. What is it? Why is it an “unusual” statement?

[a statement that goes against what we would typically think and/or say]

Consider the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. How does each one of these evidences that we are ‘walking in Spirit’ fit into the concept of negotiation?
 Love: [it thinks of others, is self-sacrificing]

 Joy: [delighting in bringing glory to God and solving a problem, rejoicing that God has answers and people can change and grow]

 Peace: [the byproduct of solving the problem –to be at peace with God, a bro/sis in Christ, fellow-man; the satisfaction of knowing the conflict is resolved]

 Patience: [literally = to be long fused; not quick to anger]

 Kindness: [what can be shown to another person; this could include the way we speak to them, but also what we DO for them, i.e. an ‘act’ of kindness, to show mercy]

 Goodness: [the inheriant quality of the heart; an inner man quality that is demonstrated in generosity]

 Faithfulness: [trust, belief, the Christian faith demonstrated, conviction]

 Gentleness: [humility, the manner in which to ‘goodness’ is demonstrated]

 Self-control: [to exercise complete control over one's desires and actions]

CONNECTING with my Lord
Is God a “negotiator”? Why or why not?

List ways that God has “looked out for your own interests”:

CONNECTING into my Life
What is a topic on which you and your spouse have a hard time coming to an agreement?

What is your concern/perspective about the topic?

What is your spouses concern/perspective about the topic?

What is God’s concern/perspective about the topic?

Use the PAUSE principle to work together and come to an agreement. Write it down.

CONNECTING into my Church!
Prayer Time: Pray that we as an ABF, church, families, and individuals will PAUSE and consider various biblical options as we seek to solve problems!

Look Also to the Interests of Others
1. Resolve the personal issues thru forgiveness.
2. Substantive issues: material things
Key Principle: When you need to negotiate, ____________
1. We negotiate constantly…but not ____________________
* Without God’s Word, it usually results in manipulation, not negotiation!
2. Competitive negotiation is natural, but _______________
 Philippians 2:21 For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus.
3. Cooperative negotiation is challenging, but ____________
 1Cor. 13:4-5 Love…is not self-seeking. (rooted in the 2 greatest commandments: Love God, love others)
 Phil. 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition (only you) or vain conceit (pride), but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
4. When you need to negotiate, ____________!
• P_______________ (Prov. 14:22)
 Proverbs 14:22 Will they not go astray who devise evil? But kindness and truth will be to those who devise good.
• A___________ relationships (Esther 5:1-4)
Example: Show respect for authority.
• U_____________ interests (*Key) (Phil. 2:3-4; 1Sam. 25)
* Interests (a concern, desire, need, limitation, or something a person values or fears) are what motive people and give rise to their positions (opinions, what motivates or drives them)
Example: Abigail – 1 Sam. 25:24-35
• S_______________ for creative solutions.
 Prov. 25:2 It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.
• E_____________ options objectively and reasonably.
* Consider testing the option(s): Example – Daniel 1:11-16
* Consider the impact this can have on our children, next generation!

CONNECTING It – Group Discussion
Do you like to negotiate? Why or why not?

Do you like interacting with people that like to negotiate? Why or why not?

What is the difference between negotiation and seeking to “win”?

• 1 Corinthians 11:17-22

Verse 19 makes an interesting, maybe even unusual, statement. What is it? Why is it an “unusual” statement?

Consider the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. How does each one of these evidences that we are ‘walking in Spirit’ fit into the concept of negotiation?

 Love:

 Joy:

 Peace:

 Patience:

 Kindness:

 Goodness:

 Faithfulness:

 Gentleness:

 Self-control: