Spiritual Affirmation
Often in the Christian life, we are called to encourage others spiritually by affirming their right choices. However, it can be challenging to avoid the pitfalls of flattery. What does Scripture say about affirming others in spiritual matters?
This week, Janet and Jocelyn discuss how to genuinely affirm others on their spiritual walk. They explore the importance of motivation, emphasizing that affirmation should aim to glorify God and build others up, not seek personal gain. By grounding our affirmations in Scripture, we can encourage other believers in a way that honors God and promotes spiritual growth.
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Resources
Resources
Books
Practicing Affirmation - Sam Crabtree
Articles
Affirmation is not Someone Else’s Gift - Rachel Joy Welcher
What’s Wrong with Positive Affirmations? - Lucy Ann Moll
Drowning in an Ocean of Encouragement - Tim Challies
Website
Handout
Read Through the Scripture Challenge 2024
Transcript
Jocelyn: I don't just need to feel better. I need the truth. And ultimately that will make me better.
Janet: I just want to make it as totally simple as possible for ladies to see that the Bible is really applicable to their everyday life.
Jocelyn: When they understand theology, the application flows out of it quickly with joy.
Janet: It is a journey, but even the journey itself is joyful when I'm doing it, holding the hand of my savior and trusting him all along the way. This is the joyful journey podcast, a podcast to inspire and equip women to passionately pursue beautiful biblical truth on their journey as women of God. When you choose truth, you're choosing joy.
Janet: Welcome back. My name is Janet here again with Jocelyn.
Jocelyn: Hi friends.
Janet: And today we're going to be talking about kind of a fun topic. We're going to talk about what are biblical, Or however you want to say it, spiritual affirmations.
Jocelyn: Interesting.
Janet: Yeah. So when I say that word affirmation, what do you think?
Jocelyn: Okay. When I first saw the title of this, I thought, what? Because my experience with affirmations is in the locker room at the gym where I work out, somebody writes little affirmations on post-it notes and sticks them on the mirror.
Janet: No.
Jocelyn: And I read them and I send texts to my family about what the ridiculous affirmation of the day is.
Janet: Oh my word. That's funny. . It's like those dove chocolate little
Jocelyn: Oh yes.
Janet: Little notes. You're everything.
Jocelyn: Like every day in every way, I am getting better and better. I believe in the woman I am becoming. Visualize your highest self and start showing up as her. This, I read this out loud and someone was like, that is like a manifestation, not like an affirmation. My income is constantly increasing and I am wealthy beyond my wildest dreams. I am limitless and anything is possible. I wake up each day feeling confident and empowered.
Janet: First of all, lies, lies
Jocelyn: not true. I woke up today feeling pretty grumpy.
Janet: Yes. Oh my word. Well, that fits with, I read an article by a believer and he said, positive affirmations are inherently self focused and house a lie.
Jocelyn: Oh, totally true.
Janet: Which is what you just
Jocelyn: totally self focused,
Janet: which is what you just read. You gave us
Jocelyn: Yes.
Janet: That's exactly. But then I read a different book and he said this, God is glorified in us when we affirm the work He has done and is doing in others. That's how He defined affirmations.
Jocelyn: Affirmation.
Janet: So which is it? Are affirmations self focused or are they a way to glorify God?
Jocelyn: Interesting.
Janet: So we're going to be back to our whole define your terms. And I think otherwise we have miscommunications. Like you read the title and went, are we gonna talk about that?
Jocelyn: Yeah, I read the title and I was like, what are we talking about?
Janet: Yes. So we may think that we disagree when in reality we're just defining the terms differently.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: In the first article that goes with all of your locker room notes, here's the definition of that article. Positive statements that you can use to banish negative thoughts and achieve your goals for your life and career. As you recite them daily, you begin believing them and putting your words into action. An example is, I make time for self care every day. You may not make time for self care daily, but by reciting your affirmation like a mantra, you're more likely to actually make it happen. That's how he defined affirmation. It's exactly what you read. I am wealthy beyond my, and I'm like, oh my word, they're actually doing that.
Jocelyn: It's actually not true.
Janet: Right. So it's exactly what he said. It houses a lie and is self focused. Well yes, absolutely. I'm saying something that's not even true and hoping I can make it true.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: But in the book that I read about it, here's how he defined it. Affirmation is truthfully declaring by complimentary word or action, the goodness of something. Good affirmation attests, certifies, or confirms that which honors God, that which is morally upright.
Jocelyn: Well, the difference in that is, you're using a standard outside of yourself to decide what is good.
Janet: Yes.
Jocelyn: And in the previous one, you're saying, what I think is good is for me to be limitless. I believe that
Janet: What I want is good.
Jocelyn: Anything is possible. That's good. Yeah.
Janet: Yes. So
Jocelyn: there's a different standard.
Janet: Yes. And with that second definition, I would say that glorifies God.
Jocelyn: Yeah. Because you're talking about what God has said is good.
Janet: So this session we're talking about the second definition. So if you hear positive affirmation and you think I am healthy, wealthy and wise, that is one definition and it's not what we're talking about.
Jocelyn: That's not what we're talking about.
Janet: So that's why we call it spiritual or biblically affirming someone. So what is it? What are things that look like it, but they aren't? And how do we grow? So basically, if it's done rightly, affirmations put a spotlight on the character and value of God,
Jocelyn: Yeah. Absolutely.
Janet: Which is the exact opposite of what you were reading in the locker room. He says it this way, and I love this. Just as the heavens are declaring the glory of God, if only we have eyes to see it. When we commend the character of a person, we're also pointing to the glory of God from which that character is derived, if we have eyes to see it. So our affirmation, they don't assume that the character or skill, whatever we're commending originates with the person, but with God. He says this, character is Christ's work emanating from within the believer and stemming from the vigorous life of the spirit dwelling there.
Jocelyn: That's cool.
Janet: And in the case of the unbeliever, character is part of the common grace of God. It's a gift to the individual.
Jocelyn: This is reminding me a lot of our jealousy episode that we did about desiring the qualities of God that you see in someone else.
Janet: Yes.
Jocelyn: Yes.
Janet: So, instead, I should affirm them.
Jocelyn: Yes. Affirm the character of Christ that you see in them through that thing.
Janet: And think, if that's the way I'm thinking about affirmations, I think I'll talk differently.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: And if I'm doing that, if I'm affirming what God affirms, I'm encouraging those characteristics in others, so I'm encouraging their godliness. Affirmations are powerful motivators. He says it this way in the book, behaviors that are consistently rewarded tend to be repeated.
Jocelyn: That's true.
Janet: Don't we know that in parenting?
Jocelyn: In parenting. Yeah.
Janet: Yes. The implications are all over that. But that does assume that I'm affirming what's valuable to God.
Jocelyn: And that we know what's valuable to God.
Janet: Yes.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: So we're going to talk about that more into the counterfeits. But if I'm going to encourage godliness, my values have to line up with God's. He says, pointing to Christlike character qualities in a person is a way of praising God by commending his attributes reproduced in others by his grace.
Jocelyn: That's super cool.
Janet: Isn't that cool?
Jocelyn: Yeah, that's really neat.
Janet: So I'm going to just read because I think most of us are still pretty uncomfortable with it still.
Jocelyn: Yes, very.
Janet: So I am going to read just passages of scripture where we see that God does this, and encourages it done rightly. Proverbs 31: 30, a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. We are supposed to praise her godliness. Matthew 25: 21. He says, well done, good and faithful servant. It is good and right that we long to hear that. We want to hear that. Daniel 2: 37 to 38. This is fascinating. Daniel is going to praise the king and give the glory to God.
Jocelyn: Cool.
Janet: He says, you ,oh king, the king of kings to whom the God of heaven has given the kingdom, the power and the might and the glory and into whose hand he has given wherever they dwell, the children of men, the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, making you rule over them all.
Jocelyn: That's cool.
Janet: He gave all the glory to God. He didn't say, Oh King, you rule. He said, God gave you this. I love that.
Jocelyn: That's neat.
Janet: Luke 1: 28. Greetings, you who are highly favored, the Lord is with you. Boy, the angel tells Mary she's highly favored, high commendation. Who doesn't want to hear that? Genesis 7: 1. The Lord then said to Noah, go into the ark, you and your whole family, because I have found you righteous in this generation. Genesis 41: 39, Pharaoh says to Joseph, since God has made all this known to you, there's no one so discerning and wise as you. He's discerning and wise because God.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: Ruth 3: 11. All the people of the town know that you're a woman of noble character. And he commends Ruth for that. And that's good. First Samuel 24: 17, you are more righteous than I, Saul says to David, you have treated me well, but I have treated you badly. And that is right. It was good for him to tell him.
Jocelyn: That's true. Yeah.
Janet: Romans 16. I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a deacon of the church in Centuria. I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of his people. And to give her any help she may need from you, for she's been a benefactor of many people. And he was commending her for that godliness. 1 Corinthians 11: 2, I praise you for remembering me in everything and for holding to the traditions just as I pass them on to you. 1 Corinthians 1: 4, I always thank my God for you because of the grace given you in Christ Jesus. Matthew 15: 28, Jesus says to her, woman, you have great faith. Mark 14:6, leave her alone, Jesus said, why are you bothering her? She's done a beautiful thing to me. And he commends her Luke 7:28. I tell you among those born of women, there's no one greater than John.
Jocelyn: I really appreciated how many scripture passages you just read. Because my mind is still battling against this being a good thing.
Janet: Yes.
Jocelyn: And so I appreciate seeing literal scriptural passages that say God and others have rightly commended people. They've affirmed their godliness and it's a good thing.
Janet: Yes. And it's good. And just hearing those should well up something in us. Like we want to hear commendations like that.
Jocelyn: Yes. Yes.
Janet: And then we go, Oh, that's so selfish. That's not wrong. That's not wrong. He says this in the book, the elementary desire to be commended is not wrong. The desire to be commended becomes perverted when we desire to be praised for the wrong things or when the desire to be praised is elevated above the glory of God in the good we do. Or, when we accept praise without the glad admission that the good we do is done in the strength that he supplies. The one supplying the strength deserves the glory.
Jocelyn: Yes. When the praise lands and plants in us.
Janet: And I think because frequently that's what happens. We think the praise, it was wrong to want it.
Jocelyn: Right.
Janet: No, it was wrong to not recognize if I did anything right, you just saw God in me. Isn't that awesome?
Jocelyn: And it gives you, if this is true, then it gives you something to say when someone says something kind to you. When someone affirms your godliness, instead of getting embarrassed and being tongue tied, it should help us to understand how to respond to it.
Janet: Yes. And he's going to talk about that at the very end. It's one of my favorite quotes from the book. But. I think we're uncomfortable with it in some ways because of all the counterfeits that we confuse.
Jocelyn: Yes.
Janet: Like flattery.
Jocelyn: I'm glad we're talking about this. This is an important topic.
Janet: Yeah. Affirmation seems very much like flattery to a lot of us and it makes us uncomfortable and it should.
Jocelyn: Oh yeah, it should.
Janet: Because scripture says a lying tongue hates its victim and a flattering mouth works ruin. Proverbs 26: 28, Proverbs 29: 5, a man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet. He's hurting him.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: Flattery is ugly. And it's sinful. And what's the difference?
Jocelyn: I think one of the differences, flattery is motivated to get something out of that comment. Like it's manipulative.
Janet: That's exactly right. He says it this way. While affirmation commends virtues, flattery exaggerates them, glosses over flaws, offers excessive input, is insincere, not chiefly interested in building up the recipient in Christlikeness, but interested chiefly in obtaining some kind of direct favor. Exactly what you said.
Jocelyn: Wow. That's a great definition of flattery.
Janet: Yes.
Jocelyn: That's interesting.
Janet: And it's like, if I think about that. Yes.
Jocelyn: You're over inflating and under inflating.
Janet: Yes. And for the purpose of something that I want,
Jocelyn: Getting something. Yeah.
Janet: Either getting you to like me or getting you to agree with me or whatever. So spiritual affirmation doesn't exaggerate and has no expectation of getting anything back. Flatterers want something. I either want to be accepted or liked by you. I want something. So in addition to not exaggerating then. The motive is critical. Is this a way to boost someone's self esteem and is the focus on God or sinfully exalting the person?
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: And if I don't think through all of that, I'll just avoid affirming and we should not do that.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: You know, sometimes when we commend, it reflects that we value the wrong things. So that can be another counterfeit. If I think being intelligent is of great value, I will affirm intelligence and others.
Jocelyn: Yes. Yes.
Janet: Because I'm noticing it and that's what I value.
Jocelyn: Right. It's important to me.
Janet: And again, there's lots of parenting implications here. What do I commend in my children? Do I commend, Oh my word, they are so witty and funny, or they're so kind? Acknowledging the grace of God and helping you to see the value of kindness. How about you made the Dean's list versus you've shown a strong work ethic.
Jocelyn: That's a good one.
Janet: We frequently praise kids who are smarter, funnier, wittier than expected for their age. What are we telling them we value? And it's true, as I said earlier, They're powerful motivators. Behaviors that are consistently rewarded tend to be repeated and here's what happens in our parenting. We commend how witty our children are and then we're frustrated because they make comments that border on disrespect.
Jocelyn: Because they're making witty comments.
Janet: Yes. That are like over the top.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: Because they're kids.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: And you've just told them to go there. But we're not behaviorists. We definitely know that true change takes place in the heart and only God does heart work. But the question is, am I creating an environment that makes it easy for those around me to love God and others? Am I commending what is truly commendable before God? Am I encouraging righteousness? He says it this way. If we affirm things like scripture memory and serving others less than we affirm dance lessons or soccer performance, we may discover a corresponding set of values and priorities developing in the life of the affirmed.
Jocelyn: I find myself affirming things that people have no control over, like, Oh, I love your hair. It's so beautiful. Like literally I have no control about how my hair comes out of my head.
Janet: I remember when someone, I was with a mom and someone was saying, you know, your son has beautiful eyes. And she said, well, I had nothing to do with that, but we serve a good God. Don't we? And I was like, Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're right. Because we act like you had something to do with it. Like, look what son you made.
Jocelyn: The genetic lottery.
Janet: God did that. You know? And is it wrong to notice they have beautiful eyes?
Jocelyn: No. As long as you can point it back to Christ.
Janet: No. But is that the most thing that I affirm.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: But, you know, it's not that we can never affirm things that are beautiful. Is that the most that I affirm? So my child being beautiful is the most important thing.
Jocelyn: Right. And what I am affirming is showing me what my heart values.
Janet: Right. So it could be flattery. It could be the wrong things and the wrong values. It could also be manipulative, which flattery is one way to be manipulative. Spiritual affirmation is focused on glorifying God and acknowledging his values as they're displayed in his image bearers, even though it's always done imperfectly. But when I commend someone in order to get something from them, it's very manipulative. The whole give to get.
Jocelyn: Yes.
Janet: And we see that in marriage counseling a lot. Even if they're commending good things, I thanked my spouse for being willing to serve me by making dinner. But they never reciprocate, so I stopped. Why bother? Well, if the goal was to get them to reciprocate, that was not affirmation,
Jocelyn: No.
Janet: That was manipulation.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: It is true that what we affirm, we are encouraging, but we have to be aware of affirming in order to get results.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: We want it to have its intended effect, which is that God is glorified, righteous values are held up, and the person is encouraged to live righteously. But if we only focus on the person changes their behavior, we're very close to being manipulative. So I have to say, is what I said right? Can I glorify God in that? And are righteous values upheld? Yes. Then even if the person doesn't even do right things with my affirmation,
Jocelyn: Yeah. or respond rightly to that.
Janet: It's okay.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: And sometimes it's a problem. The counterfeit would be thinking affirmation is the greatest thing. It's the most important thing ever is affirmation. It's not. Truth is always more important.
Jocelyn: Right.
Janet: But affirmation could be part of that environment. I loved how he said it. Just as bedside manner is not the most important thing a doctor provides for his patients, without it, patients may resist the more important medicines and procedures. Truth telling is another parental provision more important than affirmation. But if we fail to affirm, our children may tune out the truth we're so interested in telling.
Jocelyn: That's a great warning.
Janet: Yeah.
Jocelyn: That's really good.
Janet: I thought that was really helpful to think. It's not the most important thing.
Jocelyn: No.
Janet: But if I never do that.
Jocelyn: It negates. Yeah.
Janet: Are they going to hear me when I have important things to say? So how do I start to grow? Hopefully we can at least see now it is good. It is right. It is valuable. And for most of us, it's really hard. Either if you're like me, I have high expectations, so I don't even think to affirm what I see because they just should do it.
Jocelyn: Right.
Janet: But I notice when they don't. And I correct because I'm a good parent.
Jocelyn: Yes. And I say it.
Janet: Or I find I affirm the wrong things. They're really smart. They're really pretty. Or, I affirm and I get mad if no one affirms me back. How do I start growing in a way that honors God? And the first thing I'm going to say is You have to be intentional, you have to choose it. If it's not something you're good at, it's not going to come naturally. Work at it.
Jocelyn: And you know what I think? You're not going to be good at it if you're naturally a complainer.
Janet: Yes.
Jocelyn: Because this is saying I'm seeing the positive
Janet: I notice it.
Jocelyn: good things that God is doing, but when you're a complainer or a grumbler, you're only noticing usually the wrong, the bad, the things you don't like.
Janet: So how do I retrain? I would say the book that I read, Practicing Affirmation, and the linked articles that are going to be as part of the show notes here, read those things, get it in your mind. Make a list of items to commend. Should I think of that naturally? Well, I don't. So make a list. How about looking for, have I seen anyone loving someone else to their own hurt? Have I seen my child go out of their way to be loving to their sibling? Don't just go, well, they should. Commend that. . Do I even see someone around me just quick to repent? Commend that? Have I seen an act of humility, an act of honesty, an act of fruit of the spirit? Even I watch their face get irritated, and then I watch them not give into that and choose kindness. Don't say I could tell you were irritated. How about saying I watched you
Jocelyn: I could see that you chose not to act on that irritation.
Janet: Yes. Look at the work of the spirit in you to do that.
Jocelyn: Yes.
Janet: And I like being able to get better at saying, I just got to see an evidence of God at work in you.
Jocelyn: And it's so cool
Janet: how encouraging to them.
Jocelyn: It's cool because the list of things to commend, the only way you're gonna know those is if you're spending a lot of time in the scripture seeing what God commends.
Janet: Yes.
Jocelyn: Seeing what he values. So your commendations will start to mirror his value system.
Janet: Yes.
Jocelyn: As you read his word.
Janet: That's excellent. And so pray. Prayerfully consider how you can see those evidences and practice. Write out one way a day, one way a week that you are going to encourage somebody with a spiritual affirmation. Practice it. If you're like, I didn't notice it in the moment, you can always go back. Hey, you know what I saw earlier today? And I just want you to know I saw that.
Jocelyn: I should write little affirmation notes for my gym. I saw you pumping that iron. You go. I saw you working hard and not dropping it.
Janet: So study passages in scriptures like the ones that I read. Find out what is actually affirmed in scripture and how the people were affirmed. Fill your mind with those examples. And then to realize it should be a regular and constant part of what we do. I think we can all attest to the reality that rebukes last longer than affirmations.
Jocelyn: Oh. Definitely.
Janet: You know, I need to remember that the whole, I told her I loved her when I married her. I'll let her know if it changes. We all know that's wrong.
Jocelyn: Yes.
Janet: Why? Because one time is not enough. Tim Challey said this. I loved this. There are not many in this world who are at risk of drowning in an ocean of encouragement.
Jocelyn: Wow.
Janet: of being swept away by a tsunami of cheer, of being pulled under by great waves of comfort. There are not many who receive so much encouragement that they never have reason to feel doubts, never have reason to grow weary, never have reason to be tempted toward despondency. There are certainly none at all who are at the least risk of too much truly biblical encouragement.
Jocelyn: That is a very, very Good quote.
Janet: And it makes me think how often, even with the people I'm trying to help, am I trying to help and teach instead of just encourage? That's--I needed to hear that.
Jocelyn: And like, my gift is teaching, teaching, teaching, correcting, correcting,
Janet: Yes.
Jocelyn: And it's like, okay, all people expect when I open my mouth is to hear what they're doing wrong or what needs to be corrected or how things need to change.
Janet: I know. I know. My kids could tell you that.
Jocelyn: Mine could too.
Janet: The other thing that I think is important, is to separate your encouragement from correction. I don't know. Were you ever told the sandwich principle?
Jocelyn: Yes. And I'm actually glad that you're talking about this because like I have learned, well, I've protected myself because anytime I hear someone say something nice to me.
Janet: You're ready.
Jocelyn: I'm ready for whatever the correction is.
Janet: Yes. And that's exactly what happens. And if you haven't heard of the sandwich principle, it's say something nice, then the correction and end with another something nice.
Jocelyn: Which does help the correction to not be so quite as painful. But if that's the only way you say nice things, like I just, I'm just standing there waiting for what are you about to tell me that I did wrong?
Janet: Yes. Yes. And that's, so now when you commend them, they're not doing that. So, but if you're regularly commending the commendable, you already have an environment where you have that, so you don't have to use the sandwich principle. I have been commending the commendable, and then it's a whole lot easier when I do need to correct a rebuke. I don't need to artificially go, here's a nice, here's this one, here's a nice. It's in an ocean of commending the commendable.
Jocelyn: An ocean of commending the commendable. Yeah.
Janet: And I have to work on that.
Jocelyn: So far, everything you're talking about is making me think of the passage that says give honor to whom honor is due.
Janet: Oh. Yes.
Jocelyn: You know, like. That's all that we're talking about.
Janet: And it's like, we're uncomfortable with that.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: Yes. And you mentioned it earlier. It's really an antidote to a critical spirit.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: It really is. If you're at all like me, I can critique with the best of them.
Jocelyn: Oh, absolutely. I feel like it's my spiritual gift to notice what's wrong.
Janet: Yes. And in some ways it's been honed because I'm responsible for so many things. I need to be looking at critiquing my stuff and how to make it better. But how about just looking, what can I biblically commend right here? Instead of, that's not so organized, that needs to be better. What could I commend right here? Do you see how hard all these people are working? And they're not even getting paid. I need to stop and go. Can we stop for a minute? I just want to thank you. Look around the room. Look how many of you were just here. Do I do that? You know, my thinking, what a much better use of my time to be thinking. What can I commend? What can I commend? So planning to spiritually affirm others. Now I'm looking for positive character qualities. It's not only an antidote to a critical spirit. I think it's an antidote to a self focus. This was interesting. John Piper said in the foreword to the book. When our mouths are empty of praise for others. It's probably because our hearts are full of love of self.
Jocelyn: Oh, that's good.
Janet: Ouch I was like, no, I just want to think it's cuz I wasn't trained that way. But then what am I thinking about? Me.
Jocelyn: Yeah me. And how whatever is happening is not the way that I want it to be.
Janet: Yes. Yes. So the time I spend intentionally thinking about who, what, when, how I can commend someone is time I'm not thinking about me. And in the midst of that, I'm going to get to taste and see that the Lord is good, that his way is better. I'm confident we're going to be more joyful people as we align our purpose with God's as we spend our energy encouraging righteousness in others. This applies to ourselves and to our friends who are struggling with depression or despair or anxiety. All of those have at least a component of self focus. So when I am even around a friend who's discouraged, I can commend them, but I can also encourage them to be looking at what they can commend
Jocelyn: Yes.
Janet: And getting their focus off of themselves. And it's only going to help because we're living out, that's what we were designed for.
Jocelyn: Yeah. That's so cool.
Janet: Yeah.
Jocelyn: I'm glad we're talking about this.
Janet: So I will say this. Our focus in this one has been how to grow in giving spiritual affirmation, not our need to receive it. And I do think that's a danger.
Jocelyn: Yeah. And I'm glad you're bringing that up because you're not saying you need other people to affirm you.
Janet: No. God knows what's best for my soul. And if I'm not receiving the affirmation that I desire, and I may rightly desire a good affirmation and just some encouragement. I can go to him with that and know that he sees, he cares, and he will reward. And here's what I know about my savior. If it's best for my soul, he will ensure that I receive affirmation as well.
Jocelyn: And it also helps me to measure why I'm doing what I'm doing. Because if I'm doing it for anything more than to give it to Jesus as a gift to him, then I did have wrong motives in what I was doing. So it's good evaluator.
Janet: It is. And there's nothing wrong with saying, I'm sad that instead of getting encouragement, I got rebuked. I can be sad about that because I really was trying to do the right thing. But I can also know the Lord knows what's best for my soul
Jocelyn: Right. and will give it to me.
Janet: And apparently right there, that wasn't what was best.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: But I liked this: how should I respond when I receive affirmation? Because that's the other side, what we don't know what to do.
Jocelyn: It's like weird like okay. Thank you.
Janet: Yeah, and you're like, this is awkward, but I'm really glad you said it
Jocelyn: But It's also encouraging.
Janet: Yeah. but I don't --
Jocelyn: but now my heart wants it more and I'm like ahhh.
Janet: yeah now I feel guilty and I need to go No, no, no, it's not true. So here is what he said that I loved this. When on occasion I receive an Unsolicited affirmation for having done something wise or having behaved as a loving man My reaction is somewhere between joyful weeping and a speechless hallelujah. Why weeping? And why hallelujah? Weeping because I cannot boast. And hallelujah because I'm just so glad God's at work in me.
Jocelyn: That's really neat.
Janet: Isn't that neat?
Jocelyn: That's really neat.
Janet: That is the appropriate response from someone who understands it all comes from God. So I can, when someone says, Janet, that truth, the way you shared that really connected with me. I don't have to go, Oh, anybody could have said it. Oh, what? Now you're just making them say more to you.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: Now they have to say more.
Jocelyn: It's like you're fishing.
Janet: And you're just like, this is so uncomfortable. I can say, thank you. No, here's one that I use a lot because I do find, I want to commend them for being an encourager. Because. They're honoring the Lord
Jocelyn: It was encouraging. Yeah.
Janet: To encourage. And so I will number one, let them know that it encouraged me and thank them for taking their time to do that.
Jocelyn: Oh, that's a great response.
Janet: So I will say, thank you for taking the time to let me know that. That's incredibly encouraging to me.
Jocelyn: That's cool.
Janet: What have I done? I've encouraged them, but I'm not playing a game. It's not like, no, no, no, no. Encourage you. No, no, no. I'm saying
Jocelyn: Tit for tat
Janet: if they encouraged me, they've just honored the Lord by doing that.
Jocelyn: Right.
Janet: And I want to thank them for taking their time.
Jocelyn: That's a very helpful response.
Janet: And that has helped me a lot because some people are incredibly kind and it's like, I am grateful, but I don't want to go, no, no, no, no. And I also don't want to go, that's right,
Jocelyn: Like falsely humble. Yeah.
Janet: Right. But it's like, what do I do with that? I don't want to say they shouldn't have said it. Because they honored the Lord in doing that.
Jocelyn: This is really helpful because you and I both speak.
Janet: Yes.
Jocelyn: We both teach and people do come up afterwards and say things and it's always a little bit like, I don't know exactly what to say right now because my heart is like, yeah, keep feeding me,
Janet: Yes. Yes. And I don't want---
Jocelyn: I don't want that, but I also don't want to be like, invisible either because God has given us this platform and he has given us words to share.
Janet: And I want to use it for him.
Jocelyn: And I want to use it for him. So if it has been used for him, it's really helpful to know that.
Janet: It's encouraging to know that.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: So I can thank them . And what made me think of it years ago, my husband was with an Olympic gold medalist that he was friends with, and so they were traveling and he asked Brent to go with him as all these people just tell you how amazing you are.
Jocelyn: Every second.
Janet: Yeah. And so they were talking about that, and Brent said, I said to him, whenever somebody is coming up to you to make much of you, invest in them. Invest in them. Like say, where are you from? How long did it take you to get here? Like think of them. So you don't say, don't, don't, don't say that to me. You just love them.
Jocelyn: That's really cool.
Janet: You think of them. And so that's what made me think of that. Okay. The woman who has come up to encourage me, what would it look like right now for me to invest in her? I would encourage her godliness. I would say, thank you for taking the time to let me know that. You didn't have to do that.
Jocelyn: Yeah.
Janet: Thank you. And I want you to know your words encouraged me.
Jocelyn: And by doing it properly, you're also pushing down pride.
Janet: Yes.
Jocelyn: Because. As,
Janet: And making it about her. I need that.
Jocelyn: As teachers, like we can sometimes forget that and we can let the praise go to our head and we can think that we're a big deal, you know, and that's not true.
Janet: And what do I have that I haven't been given?
Jocelyn: Right.
Janet: So again, if somebody says the way you communicate that to realize, however God allowed my brain to work, God did that. I didn't even do that.
Jocelyn: Right.
Janet: And we both know I don't steward it all the way I should. It could be a whole lot better if I wasn't a lazy learner. And that's on me. So like the parts that I'm responsible for, I haven't done so well with. But when I'm valuing what God values and I know it didn't come from me anyway, then I'm able to be encouraged by it and thank them. And I find that's how I can receive it without then demanding it. And then to know it's my privilege to encourage godliness in others, I need to be looking for.
Jocelyn: Which is being demonstrated right in front of you as someone says an affirming thing. That's really neat.
Janet: Yes. And so then I get to encourage that in them.
Jocelyn: That's cool.
Janet: Good. So hopefully this will encourage others as well that we can grow in not being flatterers and not manipulating and not just encouraging things that won't matter in eternity, but valuing what God values and that we get the privilege of encouraging godliness in each other.
To keep from missing any future episodes, please sign up for our newsletter on our webpage joyfuljourneypod.com. From there you can also subscribe to this podcast on Apple, Google, or Spotify. You can also visit us on our Facebook page or Instagram at Joyful Journey Podcast. If you have questions or comments for us, you can email us at joyfuljourneyquestions@outlook.com. Joyful Journey Podcast is a ministry of Faith Bible Seminary. All proceeds go to offset costs of this podcast and toward scholarships for women to receive their MABC through Faith Bible Seminary.
Host Janet and her husband, Brent, also speak at a variety of conferences as a way to raise money for the seminary. If you want to look at what they offer or book them for a conference, go to their website.
