A Picture of Marital Unity

Our theme for this year is Building on Our Heritage. This year marks the 60^th anniversary of our church and we have been celebrating the Heritage that was established all those years ago through the faithfulness of Kossuth Street Baptist Church and the folks who stepped out in faith to start this church. I cannot wait until our special church family night at 5pm on September 8 at Loeb to celebrate this anniversary with Kossuth Street Baptist Church.

Please take your Bibles and turn with me to Ephesians 5:22. That is page ________ of the back section of the Bible located under the chair in front of you.

This year we as a church family have been studying the book of Ephesians and we have been enjoying the incredible truths that we have encountered to this point.

• We have seen the incredible theological truths surrounding our salvation where we were able to study truths like being chosen, adopted, redeemed, and forgiven.

• We have also been seeing some specific application instruction on things like Progressive Sanctification, Being imitators of God, and the 4 Rules of Communication.

• This has led us to where we are now as we study what God’s Word has to say about marriage. We have taken a pause here and have used Ephesians 5:22-33 to spring us into a bigger study of marriage as found in the rest of Scripture.

Please follow along as I read Ephesians 5:22-33.

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:22–33, NASB95)

Today we are turning our attention to Ephesians 5:31 and focusing in on the phrase, And the two shall become One flesh.

This is a quote from Genesis 2:24.

Our sermon today is entitled A Picture of Marital Unity and with the time remaining I want to talk about 4 actions to cultivate intimacy in marriage.

Let me say a few things here before we even dive into our points today.

There are 2 types of intimacy possible.

• The first is a non-physical intimacy that is the result of closeness with someone else.

• This happens in relationships that are outside of a marriage covenant.

• Could be a friend that you walk closely through life with. You share in each other’s joys and support each other in your hurts.

• It could be within the family relationships that you have.

• Non-physical intimacy should be focused on and cared for as much as the physical intimacy is.

• This is the one-flesh reference in our verses.

• As we will discuss in a little bit, there is no room for physical intimacy outside of the

-You may have reached the point in the sermon where you are thinking, “Oh boy, should I be in here right now?”

• Maybe you are a single adult or even a teenager and you feel a bit embarrassed by the discussion topic.

• Maybe you are a parent with a teen or child with you and you are thinking what are we going to hear today.

• I think it is important for us to discuss in the church what the purpose of physical intimacy is in the church.

• I think it is important to discuss with our kids and teens the way that God intended physical intimacy to be used.

• Otherwise, we end up with a Romans 1 scenario, where society has taken the topic and we end up worshipping the created thing instead of the Creator.

• Who would you rather have defining the terms of physical intimacy, God or the world.

• Would you rather teach your children what is right or let them discover over time.

• I know where I land on the issue.

I. Understand the Picture of Intimacy

“One flesh/naked and not ashamed”

The creation story explains that sex is a gift from God!

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:18–25, NASB95)

Sex was part of God’s creation plan.

• It was not a result of sin.

• It was not brought into play because of the fall of Adam and Eve.

• From the beginning in God’s first instructions on marriage, God indicated that sex was a part of the marriage covenant.

• And it was very good!

• Sex was designed for procreation!

“Be Fruitful and multiply”

• If I could simplify this to the most basic of phrases, babies are a result of sex.

• And it is intended to complete the command to be fruitful and multiply.

• Sex was designed for companionship!

Within the security of the marriage covenant there is a growth that happens in the non-physical realm of intimacy that grows with the physical intimacy that is present in a marriage relationship.

“When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him- or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved (i.e. affirmed in some way) but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, … It is what we need more than anything.  It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”—Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage 

This is the reason why the Bible is pretty clear about the caution that must exist to avoid physical intimacy outside of the marriage.

• · 1 Corinthains 6:16 – Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “The two shall become one flesh.”

Every physical act of intimacy should ultimately be creating a deeper unity between the 2 parties involved in the relationship.

• If this is happening outside of marriage than the order in which God has intended intimacy is confused.

• Suddenly, if the list of acts continues to add up you will have a fractured person who is left unsure of what the purpose of relationship is and ultimately it will affect them.

Physical intimacy leads to a whole lot other positive results within the marriage covenant. Things like pleasure, security, comfort, protection, and we could add a whole lot more to the list.

On top of all of that…

When practiced Biblically, sex brings glory to God (1 Thess. 4:5; 1 Cor. 10:31)

• You may be at the point in the sermon where you are beginning to look at me like I am crazy, but this is true.

• But hear me out…

• A biblical worldview will include the belief that sex was created by God, is encouraged by God, and ultimately brings God glory when enjoyed between a husband and a wife within the bonds of covenant marriage. 

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God;” (1 Thessalonians 4:3–5, NASB95)

• Develop this more.

II. Realize that Physical Intimacy is Only Intended for Marriage (1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

You could pick up on this truth just from our passage in Ephesians 5 and the passage Ephesians 5 is quoting in Genesis 2.

• Both of those passages are talking in the context of marriage.

However, there are other passages that draw this out more clearly for us, like…

“Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:1–5, NASB95)

Sin leads us to miss the whole big picture because we have found our focus on one isolated piece of the greater feast intended for us.

• In marriage God has gives us the provision to be able to fight sexual sin.

Each person has an obligation to fulfill.

1 Corinthians 7:3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

• Both spouses should be actively seeking both the physical and non-physical unity within their marriage.

• Why?

In marriage you are not your own.

1 Corinthians 7:4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

• This means all of this right here is my wife’s property.

• I mean what a deal she got.

• That is very contrary to society. My body, I do with it what I want.

• However, if you are married according to this verse, you belong to your spouse.

Look at our passage in Ephesians for a bit:

• § Ephesians 5:28-29a – In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it…

This brings a bit of balance into light.

• A husband should love his wife like he loves his own body.

• When I am thirsty what do I do? (get a drink)

• When I am tired what do I do? (take a nap or drink another coffee)

• When I have a pain what do I do? (relieve the pain)

So, I ought to lovingly treat my spouse in every aspect of life, because I need to treat here like I would love my own body.

Just in case you may have thought the passage had moved away from discussing physical intimacy…

Sex should be a regular part of marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:5)

“Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:5, NASB95)

True intimacy inside of marriage results in a unity within that marriage.

• Both forms of intimacy are an important part of this unity.

• Generally, if the non-physical intimacy does not exist, then it will not be long before the physical intimacy that cares about your spouse over your own selfish desires will soon disappear.

• Likewise if the physical intimacy is lacking in a marriage there is risk to the unity and bond that should exist.

Satan wants marriages to be ruined, by pursuing sexual relationships or desires outside of marriage, and according to1 Corinthians 7:5, one of the best defenses of this in your marriage is to stay active with physical intimacy.

III. Know what Destroys Intimacy

If the Bible is so clear to discuss the purity and necessity of physical intimacy within marriage, then we expect that Satan would be a whole lot of effort into the perversion of society in that area.

• You do not have to look very long to find examples of the ways that sexual temptation is all around us.

• You do not have to listen very long to recognize that the idea of purity until marriage is an “old fashioned idea”

• You do not have to talk about absolute purity for too long before you realize that you are in the minority.

But do not be deceived on the effects of living for sexual pleasures in a way that contrary to Scripture…

Sexual activity that is selfish in nature leads to destructive responses.

• Shame - sense of guilt

• Covering – hiding guilt

• Condemning – shifting Guilt

• Alienation – separation from your companion

There is no place for any form of sexual activity outside of the bonds of marriage.

Consider with me this passage in regards to this statement.

• § Hebrews 13:4 – Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

I spent 19 years as a youth pastor and I have been asked this question a lot of times.

• How far is too far for us to go physically in our dating relationship?

• If this question is being asked then you are already on the wrong path.

• God has commanded not just a physical waiting until marriage, He has commanded a purity of heart.

• The only pure form of physical relationships is found in a MARRIAGE!

• Stop trying to see how close to the line of sin you can get and instead see how close to holiness you can cling.

• How can you encourage your brother or sister in Christ in their walk with the Lord as you date.

I also recognize though that on a topic like this, where so many have failed it is important for us to realize that…

There is forgiveness for those who have failed!!!!!

• Ø 1 John 1: 8-9 – If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

• Cleansed

• Springboard into the Gospel.

• Other topics to discuss here, possibly:

• Those who were sinned against

• Hope in the Gospel

• Find help

IV. Practice Intimacy to Serve Your Spouse.

Married Couples.

If you have neglected this aspect of your marriage there are a few things you need to do.

• Ask God for His forgiveness.

• Talk to your spouse.

• Do you need to repent of an attitude or action that has prevented this?

• Counseling

• Solid material that has been written on this

Singles:

• If God has blessed you with a willingness to be intentionally single, then like Paul encourages later in 1 Corinthians 7, use your passions to serve the Lord and draw nearer to Christ.

• Those who are single but hope to one day be married, do not allow the sins of sexual desire to even begin to get a grip in your life. Pursue Christ with passion, serve others with your energy, and wait patiently on God’s timing.

All of us:

• Don’t allow your mind to seek sexual pleasure that is outside of the unity God desires in a marriage covenant.