A Picture of Marital Unity

Thank you, worship team. We’re continuing to Build on our Heritage with particular emphasis toward a picture of marital unity.

But to do that, it’s necessary to turn to first turn to the book of beginnings, that is Genesis 2

Genesis 1:29-30, 2:8-9 – God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you; and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to every thing that moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food”; and it was so… The Lord God planted a garden toward the east, in Eden; and there He placed the man whom He had formed. Out of the ground the Lord God caused to grow every tree that is pleasing to the sight and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

In the beginning, Adam and Eve had everything – that had a life uninterrupted by sin. They had uninterrupted fellowship with their Creator God. Adam and Eve had uninterrupted fellowship and harmony with one another in their relationship – no discomfort of any kind – they had a home – they lived in the Garden of Eden. They had sufficient food to eat.

In Genesis 2 we read that after God created Adam, soon afterward he was taken and put…

Genesis 2:16-17 “Then the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. ¹⁶ The Lord God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; ¹⁷ but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.”

Now enter the Serpent…

Genesis 3:1 “Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?”

In other words, Satan’s subtlety twisted God’s Word to turn it into a question and went after the more vulnerable Eve to get her to question God’s Word.

Her attention was subtly drawn to what God didn’t allow them to do, moving them away to what God has so graciously provided for them already.

Compound that by the fact that Adam wasn’t deceived at all! He knowingly chose to follow his wife into not just the fall of world – the fall of the created order itself.

I want you remember that marital disunity began with a bite – A distrust in God’s GOODNESS— a distrust in God’s WORD— a distrust in God’s PROMISES—a distrust in God’s PROVISION—a distrust in God himself – that is why the unredeemed world reflects not just a distrust in the character of God Himself, but is ultimately anti…Christ spirit that is now in the world.

With that said, please turn with me to Paul’s letter to the book of Ephesians 5. And although we will be looking at a picture of marital unity, our emphasis for today is to approach a topic that isn’t readily discussed – and if it’s discussed, it is discussed with a sense of trepidation.

That is to say, marital unity when it comes to…sexual intimacy! The reason for this is due to the providential working through the text has brought us to this point. So then, we need to talk about…sex.

Within the body of Christ, married people have – sex. Now for those of you who may be single you may think this doesn’t apply to you, but it does because you have views toward sex whether it is good or bad, depending on your background – a theology of sex was sown into the framework of your thinking and only Sola Scriptura is adequate to lead you toward a biblical view of marital unity when it comes to sexual intimacy.

During the sexual revolution of the 1960’s, you had a number of men and women releasing themselves from the shackles of marital monogamy, which, for all intents and purposes, echoed the hiss of the serpent in the Garden of Eden.^[1]

Marital Monogamy and sex with one partner was seen as too restricted (…Indeed, has God said…)

So What happens? Rather than to see the blessings of God’s common grace, they clamor after the “no,” – thinking as we so often do that it will bring about freedom or liberation when it brings about corruption and slavery to the idols they succumbed themselves to…

There are few locations that are more effected by this lie than the marriage bed.

Abraham Kuyper said in Lectures on Calvinism.

“Do not forget that the fundamental contrast has always been, is still, and will be until the end: Christianity and Paganism, the idols or the living God.”

Having said that, let’s read Ephesians 5:20-33

Ephesians 5:20-33 “…[give] thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. ²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body. ³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³ Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

With the time remaining, I want you to see…

4 actions to cultivate intimacy in marriage.

Let’s begin by looking at intimacy in two ways – there’s the kind of non-physical intimacy, such as social gatherings and fellowship with one another and talking with one another.

Then there’s physical intimacy, referring to the closeness and knowledge of another person in a physical sense – in verse 31 Paul made reference to this when he eluded to Genesis 2 with regard to the marital union when “the two shall become one flesh.”

This type of intimacy is reserved exclusively for the marriage covenant—In fact, Pastor Viars’ made reference to this in his sermon last week.

Having said that, we need to move on to…

I. Understand the Picture of Intimacy

Now, we need to go back to the beginning again, ok? Because

A. The creation story explains that sex is a gift from God!

Genesis 2:18-25 – Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed

I want you to see that no where will you find sexual intimacy in marriage mentioned in God’s Word as a bad thing. It is neither described or prescribed to us in a way in the negative.

So what does that tell us about ourselves, especially what we bring to the table of marriage.

So if a person brings luggage into their marital relationship a negative or bleak understanding of sexual intimacy, or they avoid it altogether – that kind of thinking needs to be daily surrendered under the authority of the Word of God which expressly states that sex is, in fact, a good thing!

But not only is sexual intimacy a good thing, God designed that union together to bring about children.

i. Sex was designed for procreation!

Sex makes babies! And babies are, by and large, a living portrait of what marriage is to be – “one flesh.” When God said to…

“Be Fruitful and multiply” is a benediction of fertility. In addition,

ii. Sex was designed for companionship!

Here you have the non-physical aspect of marital intimacy together—there’s companionship that accompanies sex that’s so undeniable, it’s even present when it falls outside of God’s intended order.

For instance, you may recall what the Apostle Paul said to the Corinthian church

1 Corinthains 6:16 – Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “The two shall become one flesh.”

Over a year ago, I had come across an interesting article online about why women form stronger nurturing bonds with their children. The article said that at birth, women release a hormone that creates a bond between a woman and her child.

The article went on to say that that also happens during sexual intimacy – a woman forms a bond with a man – and the more often the intimacy, the bond gets stronger. Now, when that bond is broken, typically the woman is devastated.

Now compound that kind of companionship and spread it out across a number of people, and the damage is absolutely destructive…

God knew what he was doing when he created sexual intimacy, right?

And practiced within marriage, the bond grows - rather than divides. Show me a married couple who rarely have sex and I will show you a couple who are divided in more ways then one.

The marriage will be so strained…and in many cases with lead to marital unfaithfulness and even divorce.

Sexual intimacy brings about a host of things – it brings about pleasure – a sense of security and comfort, etc.)

But ultimately,

B. When practiced Biblically, sex brings glory to God (1 Thess. 4:5; 1 Cor. 10:31)

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God.”

There it is! God’s will is plain as day! For those who are single and not married – God’s will for you is that you abstain from sex outside of marriage. If you are believer in Christ, then this is God’s will for you.

II. Realize that Physical Intimacy is \ Intended for Marriage (1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

After all, that is the point of marital unity, is it not?

But because we live in a Romans 1 culture, should anyone wish to be contentious, Paul had a lot to say about Christian conduct in so far as a marital unity.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5 “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

A. Each person has an obligation to fulfill.

1 Corinthians 7:3 “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.”

In other words,

B. In marriage you are not your own. – does that bother some of you? Note verse 4…

1 Corinthians 7:4 “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

Don’t step outside the Garden of Eden, as it were.

B. Sex should be a regular part of marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:5)

1 Corinthians 7:5 “Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

For the married man or woman, you belong to one another, you see! Give yourself to one another! Because if you don’t.

III. Know what Destroys Intimacy

For married and unmarried…there is a kind of.

A. Sexual activity that is selfish in nature leads to destructive responses.

i. Shame - sense of guilt – sex outside of marriage brings with it a baggage of shame. God has designed sex in such a way that when a person steps outside of what God has intended, sin incurs guilt, because we stand guilty against the One who created sex in the first place. And with a sense of shame comes the need to cover the sin, rather then to expose it to the light of true biblical repentance.

ii. Covering – hiding guilt - The first thing Adam and Eve did once they ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?

They realized they were naked (a burst of shame) and sought to cover themselves

When confronted on the matter, which led to…

iii. Condemning – shifting Guilt

Recall what Adam said… (“it was that woman that YOU gave me…”)

Recall what Eve said… (“the devil made me do it!”)

What did no one say? (“I did it!”) – it’s interesting that God doesn’t give Satan another opportunity to speak, but hands out his judgment first and most severely

But the punishment was severe for our first parents as well. But for all practical purpose, one of the indicators that true repentance and a turning away from sin has taken place is when a person owns his or her side of the problem.

And you also know when true repentance has not taken place in a person’s life because that person takes no responsibility whatsoever for his her side of the problem.

In other words, if there are two people in a relationship it’s not 80% his fault an 20% her fault! That’s not true repentance.

It’s true repentance because the Gospel exposes your sin and you see your sin for what it is, and you will desire to change…even if that means to expose yourself before the eyes of others, the closest person being your spouse, you see?

Another way to destroy intimacy is…

iv. Alienation – separation from your companion

Selfishness drove Adam and Eve to eat the fruit—they didn’t trust God to provide for them

And selfishness will drive us to seek extrabiblical provisions for our desires, though we must understand that…

B. There is no place for any form of sexual activity outside of the bonds of marriage.

God did not design marriage to look like the world!

Hebrews 13:4 – Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

What’s the big dating or engaged couples will ask upon hearing this?... “how far is too far?” (*physically-speaking)

If they’re asking the question—whether single or in a relationship—they’ve already lost and it’s only a matter of time before the fall comes…

Instead, how about asking this question “How can I grow in my relationship with Christ in this season and encourage my brother/sister to do the same?”

Use this season of singleness as an opportunity to love Jesus more and show the love of Jesus to others and mature in your spiritual intimacy with Him!

Jesus didn’t just command sexual purity; He practiced it His entire life! You are emulating your Savior when you strive for sexual purity.

But what if that doesn’t describe you? What if you’ve fallen into sexual sin once, often, or ongoing?

C. There is forgiveness for those who have failed!!!!!

1 John 1: 8-9 – If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

What about those who have sexually abused in your past – Do you know that the Cross is for you too?

If you’ve been sexually sinned against – there’s no question it has impacted your life. You’ve sought improper ways to suppress it but your life is spiraling out of control.

The destination I can point you to is the cross. At the Cross, because it is only at the Cross, where you will see the light and the burdens of your heart will roll away – your joy can return – I’ve seen it! Rather than to be a husk of yourself, only Christ has the supernatural power to return what the locusts have eaten away…

Talk to the Lord about it, bring your pain, hurt, frustration, brokenness, etc—He is a God who hears and heals.

Jesus was a carpenter by trade, but even better, he knows how to bind up your wounds

Isaiah 42:3 “A bruised reed He will not break and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish.”

To conclude our time together with a charge to our marriage couples…

IV. Practice Intimacy to Serve Your Spouse

Be intentional about this – of all the areas Satan loves to subtly exploit, it’s in the area of sexual intimacy.

He knows full well that if he can create a wedge in this area, the downfall of a marriage is typically soon to follow…

[1] https://www.crossway.org/articles/10-things-you-should-know-about-the-sexual-revolution/