Proverbs 1:1-5:
1 - The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel…
2 - To know wisdom and instruction, to discern the sayings of understanding…
3 - To receive instruction in wise behavior, righteousness, justice and equity…
4 - To give prudence to the naive, to the youth knowledge and discretion…
5 - A wise man will hear and increase in learning, and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel…
Proverbs 12:1-4:
1 - Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.
2 - A good man will obtain favor from the Lord, but He will condemn a man who devises evil.
3 - A man will not be established by wickedness, but the root of the righteous will not be moved.
4 - An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.
Acts 17:10-11 - The brethren immediately sent Paul and Silas away by night to Berea, and when they arrived, they went into the synagogue of the Jews. Now these were more noble-minded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so.
3 reasons to avoid grumbling behind someone’s back
I. Because Being a Whisperer Is So Serious
A. What it is
Deuteronomy 1:27 - …and you grumbled in your tents and said, “Because the Lord hates us, He has brought us out of the land of Egypt to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites to destroy us.”
Psalm 106:24-25 - Then they despised the pleasant land; they did not believe in His word, but grumbled in their tents; they did not listen to the voice of the Lord.
“This is an observation on a human flaw – the appetite for evil gossip and the relish with which it is savored and devoured. People like to hear evil of their fellows and whatever they may forget they will recollect slander without any effort of memory; it is remembered, and in all probability it will be transmitted by a damaging whisper.” (William McKane, Proverbs, A New Approach, p. 519)
B. What it isn’t
Matthew 18:15 - If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
Romans 15:14 - And concerning you, my brethren, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able also to admonish one another.
II. Because Being a Whisperer Is So Attractive
Proverbs 18:8 - The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels…
A. It appeals to our pride
Criticism often says more about the character of the critic than about the conduct
“Hearing bad things about others is so tasty that we gulp it right down into our memory. How much better off we would be if our appetite was as keen to hear good things about others.” (Robert Aiden, Proverbs, A Commentary on an Ancient Book of Timeless Advice, p. 139)
Proverbs 24:17 - Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles…
B. It appeals to our selfishness
III. Because Being a Whisperer Is So Detrimental
Proverbs 18:8 - The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of the body.
A. Corrupts our hearts
“The slanderer’s wares are tidbits (literally ‘food which is gorged’) which go down into the inner compartments of the stomach. Slander is hospitably received and welcomed for a long stay.” (William McKane, Proverbs, A New Approach, p. 519)
“The danger lies in the combination of attractiveness (‘tasty trifles’) and penetration (‘inmost body’). Our mouths water to savor the latest gossip and then we find that the words stay with us a discomforting length of time. We keep remembering the vicious rumors, toying with the possibility that they are true, delighting in them…” (David Hubbard, The Communicator’s Commentary, p. 273)
Proverbs 4:23 - Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.
B. Leads to strife with others
Proverbs 26:20 - For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, contention quiets down.
C. Is a thin cover for hatred
Proverbs 26:23-24 - Like an earthen vessel overlaid with silver dross are burning lips and a wicked heart. He who hates disguises it with his lips, but he lays up deceit in his heart.
D. Is often accompanied by flattery
Proverbs 26:25 - When he speaks graciously, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart.
Proverbs 26:28 - A lying tongue hates those it crushes, and a flattering mouth works ruin.
E. Is a pit that might become self-ensnaring
Proverbs 26:27 - He who digs a pit will fall into it, and he who rolls a stone, it will come back on him.
- how many of you would say that you can’t/don’t eat everything in a given day that you’d like to eat?...
- so look at an entire spread of pastries – they all good – you’re tempted to “load it up” as my son the Bear says…which means “one of everything” please…
- but you don’t…you might take one, or a part of one…but you don’t eat five…
- or you open a bag of potato chips…and you may remember a potato chip company that had the motto – Betcha you can’t just eat one…for trivia’s sake…do you know what company that was?...[Kari – please insert a pic of how Lay’s Potato Chips used this slogan in advertising…]…that was a very successful ad campaign, btw…but who can only eat one potato chip?...
- so most of us would say – I don’t eat everything I might want to eat everyday…
- if, btw, you are one of those rare people who says – I can eat anything and everything I want, and it doesn’t affect me…
- can I just say a couple of things on behalf of everyone else in the room?...we don’t like you, and we really don’t want to hear anything else about that…
- but back to the main point – why don’t you eat everything you might want to eat?...there’s actually several reasons that come to mind…
1. It’s harmful to you…
- when I was in seminary, I was trying to get through as quickly as possible…so I actually had one semester when I carried 23 credit hours…
- I was also working part time because Kris was working full time to put me through school and I wanted to do my part…
- so you just felt like you were always stressed and constantly tired…that was the case for me and many of my seminary buddies…
- you usually had an early morning class in Hebrew or Greek or some aspect of theology…often with a quiz you had to be up to study for the previous night…
- and then there was a break before it was time for chapel…
- well, one of the industrious seminary students started a doughnut and coffee business…
- this was long before Starbucks and similar places…
- but this guy understood that it you made a really good…and by good, I mean strong cup of coffee…with some fresh cinnamon rolls fritters he had picked up from a local bakery…and set them out in the student lounge and sold them for a reasonable price…there was market right there among the seminary students…
- and he was right – you were so stressed, and so tired, and so hungry…and those rolls were so good, and so reasonably priced…
- it just seemed to be poor stewardship not to have one…
- and let’s just say that after a semester or two of that, there was a whole lot more Steve Viars than there needed to be…[and I understand for some of you, you would say that one pound of me is too much]…but almost all of us would say – we don’t eat everything we want because it would be harmful to us…
- for some, it’s even dangerous…for example, we were having a deacon/pastor pool party at our house recently…[btw, if you ever come to those, please be assured that I will use that opportunity to teach your children important dietary habits]…[Kari, please insert a pic of me spraying Reddi-Whip directly into a child’s mouth]…
- but anyway, when I offered one of the mom’s an ice cream sundae, she said – well, that would be great, but I have a dairy allergy and I can’t eat ice cream…
- I’m sure that’s true of several listening to this message, but my heart sunk for her…a life without ice cream is a life without sunshine…
- then she went on to tell me that what was odd was…the only time she was able to safely eat ice cream was when she was pregnant…
- now, I didn’t say this at the time, but do you know what thought popped into my head?...then why we you ever not want to be pregnant?...[I realize I’m probably not qualified to make that statement – but please remember that my grandmother came from a family of 16 children…and so did my mother…and when you put both these factoids together, my solution might be the way to go…
- so the point of all of this is…one of the reasons you don’t eat everything put in front of you is because that would be harmful to you…
- another reason may be because…
2. It’s harmful to someone else…
- we have a family member who has such a significant shellfish allergy that there’s a serious health risk if there’s shellfish anywhere on the table…
- and I’m not talking about breaking out with a rash…I’m talking about not being able to breathe…
- and there’s all kinds of allergies like that…
- and so you just have to say…even if I really like that, I won’t eat it because it’s harmful to someone else…
- so the premise is true – even if I think it’s a dainty morsel…I’d really like one of those…I avoid it…because I know it’s either harmful to me or harmful to someone else or maybe even both…
- now you might say – why did you use that particular phrase…dainty morsel?...others probably know…
- because that’s the terminology the Bible uses to describe criticism, and complaining, and gossip…it’s like a dainty morsel that has to be avoided at all costs…
- with that in mind, let me invite you to open your Bible to Proverbs 18:8…page 467 of the front section of the Bible under the chair in front of you…
- we’re talking this morning about Avoiding Dainty Morsels…
- this is part of our series this summer on Handling Criticism which in turn is part of our annual theme this year on Growing in Gospel Gratitude…
- one of the helpful aspects of this particular message is that it gives us an opportunity to flex our hermeneutical muscles…or our “principles of Bible study” muscles…[that’s what the word hermeneutics means]…
- and please don’t say – that’s not for me…I’m not a seminary trained pastor…
- every person, not long after becoming a Christian, ought to learn basic principles of Bible interpretation…
- and one of them is…asking yourself…what kind of literature is this?...
- There are different types of biblical literature…and you have to keep that in mind as you are studying…
- for example…reading one of the gospels is different than reading one of the letters/epistles to churches from the apostle Paul…which is different than reading the book of Revelation…
- well, if we’re going to study the book of Proverbs, we have to keep in mind that this is wisdom literature…
- and one of the upshots of that is – sometimes in wisdom literature, there are several verses that clearly go together…and sometimes they are just stand-along principles that have nothing to do with comes before or after…
- for example, the first several chapters of Proverbs are an introduction to the topic of wisdom, so verse after verse builds on that same topic…
- so we read…Proverbs 1:1–5:
1 The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel:
2 To know wisdom and instruction, to discern the sayings of understanding,
3 To receive instruction in wise behavior, righteousness, justice and equity;
4 To give prudence to the naive, to the youth knowledge and discretion,
5 A wise man will hear and increase in learning, and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel,
- we would say that each one of those verses fits together…one builds on top of another, etc…
- but in plenty of other cases in the book of Proverbs, they are short, pithy statements where one verse does not seem to have any connection to what came before or after…
- here’s just a random example of that…the way Proverbs 12 reads…Proverbs 12:1–4:
1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.
2 A good man will obtain favor from the Lord, but He will condemn a man who devises evil.
3 A man will not be established by wickedness, but the root of the righteous will not be moved.
4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.
- this is open to debate – but I personally believe these verses in chapter 12 are quite different than what we read in chapter 1…
- chapter 1 was more like a barrel of molasses, chapter 12 was more like a barrel of marbles…drawing a conclusion about that affects the way we interpret each verse…
- now, here’s why that matters…the dainty morsels verse is repeated verbatim in the book of Proverbs…Proverbs 18:8 and Proverbs 26:22 say exactly the same thing…
- however, in both cases, they have interesting concepts before and after…
- the question is – should the biblical concepts before and after the dainty morsels verses impact the way we interpret and apply this key principle…
- I believe they do…and I’m going to be presenting this material in that fashion…
- however, and this brings up a second important issue – that’s simply my opinion…
- and you have the privilege and responsibility of being a Berean…and what do we mean by that?
- Acts 17:10–11 - The brethren immediately sent Paul and Silas away by night to Berea, and when they arrived, they went into the synagogue of the Jews. Now these were more noble-minded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so.
- so while I’m certainly not planning on saying anything heretical this morning, I am going to be bringing in the context of these Proverbs [what comes before and after] into the discussion – you’ll have to decide what you think about that…
- so let’s start with Proverbs 18:6 – read Proverbs 18:6-8
- do you see what I mean?...do verses 6 and 7 have anything to do with verse 8, or are they all separate concepts?...I think to some degree they are related…
- now please turn over to Proverbs 26…read Proverbs 26:20-28…
- it’s the same issue – is verse 26 a stand-alone verse, or is it in some sense related to what came before and after?...
- so with all of this in mind, we’re talking about Avoiding Dainty Morsels…and with the time we have remaining, let’s look for 3 reasons to avoid grumbling behind someone’s back…
I. Because Being a Whisperer is So Serious
- it is interesting and perhaps instructive that in one of the primary books in the Bible devoted to helping people like you and me grow in wisdom, that this issue of not being a whisperer is specifically addressed not just once in this book, but twice…
- so let’s talk about…
A. What it is
- surely Solomon is not referring to someone who is talking softly so as not to inconvenience another person studying in the library…
- so it’s not like the librarian comes around to the table where you and your friends are supposed to be studying but instead you’re talking loudly so she gives you the shush sign and tells you that if you have to talk please whisper…so you in turn quote Proverbs 18:8 – Maam, I just can’t do that because the Bible strongly warns against such behavior…the words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of the body…
- snark like that will probably get you kicked out of the library…
- so what is Solomon talking about?...
- the word literally means back-bite…to complain about, to grumble about, or criticize a person behind their back…that’s what a whisperer is…
- so here are some other uses of that same word…
- Deuteronomy 1:27 - and you grumbled in your tents and said, ‘Because the Lord hates us, He has brought us out of the land of Egypt to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites to destroy us.
- do you know which word in that verse is the same as whisperer in Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22
- it’s the word grumbled…that’s why this concept fits into this overall study about complaining and criticism…
- by the way – someone told me that we didn’t need an entire series on this subject, one message was surely enough and we could move on to something else…
- grumbling about the grumbling series…and I suppose me grumbling about the person grumbling about the grumbling series…
- I don’t know about you – but I could use a couple of passes at this topic, huh?
- here’s another example…
- Psalm 106:24–25 - Then they despised the pleasant land; they did not believe in His word, but grumbled in their tents; they did not listen to the voice of the Lord.
- again, which word here do you believe is the same as whisperer?...grumbled…but the key thing in both of these passages is…where did the people do it…in their tents…
- commentator Williams McKane said – This is an observation on a human flaw—the appetite for evil gossip and the relish with which it is savored and devoured. People like to hear evil of their fellows and whatever they may forget they will recollect slander without any effort of memory; it is remembered, and in all probability it will be transmitted by a damaging whisper. (William McKane, Proverbs, A New Approach, p. 519).
- this definition also helps us know…
B. What it isn’t
- we’re not talking about going to a person with whom you have a concern or a problem and communicating face to face with the goal of finding a biblical solution and therefore restoration of the relationship…that’s not grumbling, and its certainly not being a whisperer..
- this is why Jesus taught - Matthew 18:15 - If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
- and the passage goes on to say that if the person is clearly living in disobedience to God, and won’t repent…then additional people need to be brought into the circle of knowledge and if the person won’t repent at that level, it should be told to the entire church…
- that’s face to face problem solving to maintain the integrity of relationships and the purity of the church…
- again, that’s not sinful criticism, that’s not grumbling, and it’s certainly not being a whisperer…
- which is why Paul told the Romans…Romans 15:14 - And concerning you, my brethren, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able also to admonish one another.
- it is amazing to me how many people refuse to do that…
- this happened to me recently, and it happens on a fairly regular basis so let me just tell you how I think situations like this should be handled…
- someone from outside our church said they wanted to meet with me because they had a deep concern about someone else in our church…
- what do you think was my first question to them…have you spoken to the person about whom you have a concern?...because unless we’re talking about some kind of legitimate abuse situation where there would be genuine physical danger if the person discussed their concern with that person directly…I will not listen to what they have to say…because regardless of how juicy the tidbit might be, it’s gossip on the lips of a whisperer…
- and btw, I hope you would say that you’re glad your pastor would never listen to that about you…and I hope you will afford us the same treatment…
- there are right ways and there are wrong ways to deal with problems…and being an evil, wicked, gossiping whisperer?...that would be the wrong way…
- speaking it…or listening to it…
- and let’s just face it – some people do this all the time…they are professional gossips…not only are they complaining critics…but they do it behind people’s backs…they love to whisper, or be whispered to…
II. Because Being a Whisperer is So Attractive
- Proverbs 18:8 - The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels…
- that is a fascinating word…but in our culture we might view it as some light appetizer that has very little actual substance…that’s not what’s in view here…
- it comes from a verb which means…swallow greedily, or food which is gorged…
- imagine something that is so good, you just have to have some, and then some more, and then some more…
- if you come to one of our Intro to Faith dinners, the pastors will make you our world-renowned Pastoral Pizza Pie…[Kari – please insert 2 pics that Frank took at one of our dinners]…you can’t just sit around and look at that…it’s food that has to be gorged…
- we’ve been having a series of picnic/pool parties at our house this summer, so I smoked some brisket and some pulled pork and grilled some brats and smoked sausage and hot dogs for the kids…
- and my grandson Jude really likes pulled pork, so I decided that after the event, I’d take him and his family a little take out container with pulled pork and cole slaw and fresh buns for his supper…
- when the group was done that afternoon…every ounce of that brisket and pulled pork was gone…which you really like if you’ve cooked something…it was swallowed greedily….food that had to be gorged…
- why is it that we can view gossip that way?...now friends, the possible answers to that question are not pleasant…but they are important…
- why do we like to hear about the failures of others?...why do we like to hear gossip?...why is it so attractive?...
A. It appeals to our pride.
- the act of speaking or listening to a bad report about someone else demotes them and therefore invariably elevates us…
- that’s why Criticism often says more about the character of the critic than about the conduct of the criticized…
- Commentator Robert Aiden said – Hearing bad things about others is so tasty that we gulp it right down into our memory. How much better off we would be if our appetite was as keen to hear good things about others (Robert Aiden, Proverbs, A Commentary on an Ancient Book of Timeless Advice, p. 139).
- this is why Solomon also said - Proverbs 24:17 - Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;
- it’s a desire to demote someone else in order to elevate ourselves…
- there are powerful applications of this to the issue of political or cultural discourse…
- cable news from whichever perspective you want to choose is practically endless backbiting…rejoicing when the enemy falls and gobbling up the back-biting words of one’s favorite media personality like dainty morsels from the lips of your chosen whisperer…
B. It appeals to our selfishness.
- if we can make them look bad, then we can make ourselves look good…
- if we can make them look dumb, then we can make ourselves look smart…
- if we can make them look wicked, we can make ourselves look holy…
- this also has strong applications for the way we interact with, and especially represent the positions of people with whom we disagree…
- a friend of mine from college days is Mark Eckel, who teaches down at IU PU Indianapolis…
- he also has a website where he discusses Christian Worldview Issues…[Kari – please insert a pic of Mark website with a pic of this article - 10 Questions to Ask Another Point of View | MarkEckel.com]
- He teaches his students 10 questions to ask another point of view…to help us avoid the sin of back-biting…and representing someone else in the worst possible light…
(1) Have you acknowledged your own assumptions, preconceptions, starting points, sources of and claims for truth?
(2) Have you recognized your own reasoning is susceptible to error, falsehood, bias, and that you, and those who agree with you, are not the final arbiters of truth?
(3) Have you heard, read, and watched the best sources of the other point of view, honestly listening to understand?
(4) Have you interpreted what you hear *not* through spokespersons sympathetic to your own point of view?
(5) Have you appreciated the best arguments from the other person’s perspective, unfiltered by your own prejudice or prior commitments?
(6) Have you compared and contrasted the best arguments from the other point of view with your best arguments?
(7) Have you asked questions which may illuminate truth or error?
(8) Have you tested the credibility and verifiability of your own point of view with the same vigor with which you have tested other perspectives?
(9) Have you rejected intellectual discrimination by those parties who ignore evidence, exclude by silence, or rely on unverified sources of information?
(10) Have you sought a simple, understandable explanation of your point of view which could be made clear to anyone?
- [if time allows, tell about the session you were asked to give right after coming to Lafayette 35 years ago on Larry Crabb’s model – so the first step was to read each of his books carefully and summarize them chapter by chapter, with the desire that if he was standing right next to me, he would have said – yes, that is a fair and accurate – and perhaps even charitable summary of what I believe]
- can I just pause and ask you – are you allowing the Holy Spirit to help you evaluate yourself on this matter?...are you a whisperer…are you a person who likes to listen to whisperers?...what steps would the Lord want you to take to address this aspect of criticism and complaining?...
- so, avoid this tendency because it so serious, and because it is so attractive…
III. Because Being a Whisperer is So Detrimental
- what is the reason the text gives for avoiding this particular sinful tendency?...
- Proverbs 18:8 - The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of the body.
A. Corrupts our hearts
- McKane said – The slanderer’s wares are tidbits (literally “food which is gorged”) which go down into the inner compartments of the stomach. Slander is hospitably received and welcomed for a long stay (William McKane, Proverbs, A New Approach, p. 519)
- David Hubbard added – The danger lies in the combination of attractiveness (“tasty trifles”) and penetration (“inmost body”). Our mouths water to savor the latest gossip and then we find that the words stay with us a discomforting length of time. We keep remembering the vicious rumors, toying with the possibility that they are true, delighting in them…(David Hubbard, The Communicator’s Commentary, p. 273).
- when our former senior Pastor, Pastor Goode was alive, he loved Nick’s Chili down in Indianapolis…so often when we visited someone down at the Veteran’s Hospital in Indianapolis, it would be timed to coincide with lunchtime…
- and it was so good…laden with garlic, and you would pile it high with freshly sliced onions, and cheddar cheese, and sour cream…it was so good…
- but regardless of how many times I brushed my teeth that afternoon, invariably Kris would say when I walked in the door…you and pastor Goode have been to Nick’s, haven’t you?...
- she claimed that you could smell it coming out of the pores of my skin for days…
- can you imagine if someone would have to say of you…you smell of gossip…you’ve been listened to the words of a whisperer again, haven’t you?...
- this is why Solomon warned… Proverbs 4:23 - Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.
- it’s as simple as the old saying – what a man eats, that he becomes…you are what you eat…
B. Leads to strife with others
- Proverbs 26:20 - For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, contention quiets down.
- this is why as a church we are committed to the twin principles…
- solve problems directly, openly, and right away…
- and don’t allow backbiting and gossip and whispering…
- do you know how transformational this could be in many families and extended families?...deal with the whisperer and the contention will go out..
C. Is a thin cover for hatred
- I do think the context of Proverbs 26 is purposeful…
- Proverbs 26:23–24 - Like an earthen vessel overlaid with silver dross are burning lips and a wicked heart. He who hates disguises it with his lips, but he lays up deceit in his heart.
- that’s true every time gossip leaves our lips or enters our ears – fundamentally it is a violation of the second commandment…instead of loving our brothers and sisters and neighbors…we are hating them…
- which is why we are warned…
D. Is often accompanied by flattery
- Proverbs 26:25 - When he speaks graciously, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart.
- Proverbs 26:28 - A lying tongue hates those it crushes, and a flattering mouth works ruin.
- be especially on guard when gossip about someone else is combined with flattery about you…that is a combo meal you don’t want to eat…
- and don’t forget this…
E. Is a pit that might become self-ensnaring
- what do you do with…
- Proverbs 26:27 - He who digs a pit will fall into it, and he who rolls a stone, it will come back on him.
- that might just be a stand-alone concept that has nothing to do with what we’re studying this am…
- but I don’t think so…and here’s why…do you really believe that the person who is gossiping to you right now about someone else…wouldn’t turn around and do the exact same thing with someone else…when they’re talking about…you…
- friend, this is also why we so desperately need Jesus, who can transform us even at the level of the desires of our hearts, and empower us to only speak and listen to words that honor Him…