Children Obey Your Parents

Greg Wetterlin September 15, 2024 Ephesians 6:1-3
Outline

Psalm 133:1 - Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!

Ephesians 4:1-3 - Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:11 - And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers…

2 commands for children

I. Children Obey Your Parents in the Lord (Ephesians 4:1)

A. Meaning of obey

“Hupakouō (obey) literally means ‘to hear under,’ that is, to listen with attentiveness and to respond positively to what is heard” (John MacArthur, Ephesians, p. 311)

Colossians 3:20 - Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.

Acts 5:14-16 - And all the more believers in the Lord, multitudes of men and women, were constantly added to their number, to such an extent that they even carried the sick out into the streets and laid them on cots and pallets, so that when Peter came by at least his shadow might fall on any one of them. Also the people from the cities in the vicinity of Jerusalem were coming together, bringing people who were sick or afflicted with unclean spirits, and they were all being healed.

Acts 5:17-18 - But the high priest rose up, along with all his associates (that is the sect of the Sadducees), and they were filled with jealousy. They laid hands on the apostles and put them in a public jail.

Acts 5:22-23 - But the officers who came did not find them in the prison; and they returned and reported back, saying, “We found the prison house locked quite securely and the guards standing at the doors; but when we had opened up, we found no one inside.”

Acts 5:27-28 - When they had brought them, they stood them before the Council. The high priest questioned them, saying, “We gave you strict orders not to continue teaching in this name, and yet, you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching and intend to bring this man’s blood upon us.”

Acts 5:29 - But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.”

“A person who grows up with a sense of respect for and obedience to his parents will have the foundation for respecting the authority of other leaders and the rights of other people in general. Respect for parents is of such grave importance to God that Moses commanded, ‘He who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,’ and ‘He who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death’ (Ex. 21:15, 17; cf. Lev. 20:9). Either to physically or verbally abuse a parent was a capital offense in ancient Israel” (John MacArthur, p. 312).

Jeremiah 35:3-5 - Then I took Jaazaniah the son of Jeremiah, son of Habazziniah, and his brothers and all his sons and the whole house of the Rechabites, and I brought them into the house of the Lord, into the chamber of the sons of Hanan the son of Igdaliah, the man of God, which was near the chamber of the officials, which was above the chamber of Maaseiah the son of Shallum, the doorkeeper. Then I set before the men of the house of the Rechabites pitchers full of wine and cups; and I said to them, “Drink wine!”

Jeremiah 35:6 - But they said, “We will not drink wine…”

Jeremiah 35:6-10 - But they said, “We will not drink wine, for Jonadab the son of Rechab, our father, commanded us, saying, ‘You shall not drink wine, you or your sons, forever. You shall not build a house, and you shall not sow seed and you shall not plant a vineyard or own one; but in tents you shall dwell all your days, that you may live many days in the land where you sojourn.’ We have obeyed the voice of Jonadab the son of Rechab, our father, in all that he commanded us, not to drink wine all our days, we, our wives, our sons or our daughters, nor to build ourselves houses to dwell in; and we do not have vineyard or field or seed. We have only dwelt in tents, and have obeyed and have done according to all that Jonadab our father commanded us.”

Jeremiah 35:12-15 - Then the word of the Lord came to Jeremiah, saying, “Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, ‘Go and say to the men of Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem, “Will you not receive instruction by listening to My words?” declares the Lord. The words of Jonadab the son of Rechab, which he commanded his sons not to drink wine, are observed.’ So they do not drink wine to this day, for they have obeyed their father’s command. But I have spoken to you again and again; yet you have not listened to Me. “Also I have sent to you all My servants the prophets, sending them again and again, saying: Turn now every man from his evil way and amend your deeds, and do not go after other gods to worship them. Then you will dwell in the land which I have given to you and to your forefathers; but you have not inclined your ear or listened to Me.’”’

B. Meaning of “in the Lord”

1. Strength for obedience comes from the Lord

Ephesians 1:18-19 - I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might.

Zechariah 4:6 - Then he said to me, “This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel saying, ‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the Lord of hosts.”

“If parents, who are much older and more experienced, cannot fulfill their responsibilities without being saved and being filled with the Holy Spirit, how much less can children be expected to fulfill their responsibilities without those spiritual requirements? The children Paul addresses in Ephesians 6:1 are just as much commanded to “be filled with the Spirit” (5:18) and to “be subject to one another in the fear of Christ” (5:21) as are the husbands and wives of 5:22-33 and the parents of 6:4” (John MacArthur, p. 315)

2. Motivation for obedience comes from the Lord

Ephesians 4:13 - …until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.

Luke 22:42 - …saying, “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.”

Hebrews 5:8 - Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered.

3. Obedience is patterned after obedience to the Lord

a. The first time

b. Right away

c. With a happy/submissive heart

C. It is right

Psalm 19:8 - The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.

II. Honor Your Father and Your Mother

Exodus 20:12 - Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

A. Meaning of “honor”

“The right attitude behind the right act of obedience is honor (timaō), which means to value highly, to hold in the highest regard and respect. In both its verb and noun forms the word is often used as a term of reverence, preciousness, and honor regarding God the Father and Christ (1 Tim. 1:17; 1 Pet. 2:17; Rev. 4:9, 11; 5:12-13; etc.)...Children are to honor both their father and mother, to hold them in the highest possible respect” (John MacArthur, Ephesians, p. 6).

1. For children in the home

2. For grown children out of the home

Mark 7:9 - He was also saying to them, “You are experts at setting aside the commandment of God in order to keep your tradition.”

Mark 7:10-13 - “For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother, is to be put to death’; but you say, ‘If a man says to his father or his mother, whatever I have that would help you is Corban (that is to say, given to God),’ you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or his mother; thus invalidating the word of God by your tradition which you have handed down; and you do many things such as that.”

Mark 7:20-23 - And He was saying, “That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man. “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.”

B. Two promises

1. That it may go well with you

2. Long life

This year’s annual theme is Building on Our Heritage. We just had the joy of having a special time of thanksgiving for our church’s 60th anniversary at Loeb Stadium on Sunday.

Some of my favorite times as a church family, are church family nights. It is such a joy to be together with the other campus, but not even just other campuses, also the other services. Here at Faith East because of the size of the building and the 3 different service times, you can miss people every Sunday morning in the same building just because people go down this hallway to ABF when someone walks in the foyer for service. Or they go in at the flagpole entrance and serve in children’s ministry while your in service. So getting to see church family, and sing worship songs together and fellowship together is just a real, real joy.

Now for some of you...or perhaps for many of you, you may have church experiences that were not enjoyable. Getting together for things like a church family night was weird, because there were different cliques and factions and gossip that was going around. So instead of fellowship it probably felt a bit more like diplomats of warring nations...they aren’t attacking each other in the room, but it’s quite clear that they don’t like each other.

Well, what makes the church family nights of our church so different and sweet. Well we certainly must give the credit and glory to the Lord. He wants his people to dwell in unity, and gives his people his Word, and his Spirit in order to help them dwell in unity together.

Over the past few weeks we’ve been studying through a portion of Ephesians that we’ve titled the messages under the heading of “Strengthening Unity in Our Relationships”. The reason that we’ve given the mini series title of strengthening unity in our relationships to the end of Ephesians 5 and into chapter 6 is because of the focus on relationships that is quite clear in these sections, but also because of the emphasis that starts the last half of the book of Ephesians.

Ephesians divides pretty neatly into 2 halves. Chapter 1-3 largely are about our identity in Christ. And then chapters 4-6 address the outworking of that identity in practical commands. At the transition point from the first half of the book to the second we read these key verses...

Ephesians 4:1–3 Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, 3 being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

The theme of unity is introduced at this point and then much of what follows is all about how to preserve that unity.

  • - So real quickly, part of preserving the unity is using spiritual gifts that Jesus gives to the church.
  • - Part of preserving the unity is following the leadership and teaching of people given to the church by Christ.
  • - Persevering unity also involves learning how to communicate with one another.
  • - Then of course there is the unity within a marriage that is maintained through understanding our roles.
  • - And then with where we are at in our study this morning we’ve come to the part that children play in maintaining unity.

So we’ve titled this message Unified Families – Children Obey Your Parents

[Read Eph. 6:1-3]

For those of you that like things that are plainly and simply said, you’ve got to love this passage. Paul makes it quite plain and simple. There are 2 commands for children that we’ll spend the remainder of our time unpacking.

2 Commands for children

Now, one small introductory note that I think is rather important. It’s pretty easy to see who is addressed in the text, but at the same time I do think we often miss the implications of it...

  • - But who is addressed here? CHILDREN!

Children are addressed...yes parents need to know what is expected of children, but this passage doesn’t read, “Dad, mom...make sure your children obey you.” This passage actually addresses the children which I think is really significant.

First, that shows that children have responsibility. They are not victims of either good or bad parents.

And second, they are addressed in the letter directly by Paul because I think he expects children to be in the congregation.

  • - That is really amazing because often in traditional cultures. Although families wanted to have lots of children, children weren’t exactly valued all that much while they were young.
  • - Paul shows real dignity towards children by addressing them directly, which is also what we see Jesus doing, when he gets angry because the disciples were preventing the little children from coming to him.

I. Children Obey Your Parents in the Lord (Eph. 6:1)

Now, the “children being addressed here” are obviously not infants who wouldn’t be speaking yet. And they are certainly not adult children who are married and have left their father and mother and cleaved together making a new family. So this is first verse is primarily to the children still at home.

Children at home, in their parents’ house are to obey their parents.

Meaning of obey

“Hupakouō (obey) literally means “to hear under,” that is, to listen with attentiveness and to respond positively to what is heard” (John MacArthur, Ephesians, p. 311)

Well, responding positively to what is heard means to obey...it means to do what you’re asked. Paul made a similar point in Colossians, but with an added qualifier...

Colossians 3:20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.

So the expectation for children is to obey in all things...but I’m sure that in a room this size there are folks that have grown up with parents who have commanded their children to do things that are sinful. So we should mention that the Bible doesn’t command obedience to anyone that would be asking you to disobey the Lord.

A very important story that happens shortly after the birth of the church in Acts illustrates this very principle.

You may recall the story, that the apostles were doing all sorts of signs, and wonders. They were casting out demons and healing the sick. Well, the priests weren’t too happy about it because the apostles were stealing the thunder so speak. So out of jealousy they arrest the apostles...oh and they also are frustrated that apostles have filled Jerusalem with the teaching about the gospel and are bringing Jesus’ blood upon them.

But if you recall, that’s actually what they asked Pilate to when they wanted him crucified. In Matthew 27:25 the people answered Pilate saying, “His blood be on us an our children.”

Well, now they don’t exactly like that the apostles are doing what they asked.”

So the priests command the apostles to stop preaching in the name of Jesus. But Peter’s response on behalf of all the apostles is,

Acts 5:29 But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.

That’s an important example of at least 2 important principles…

1. The Lord has not given ultimate authority to any one person.

So regardless of who the person is, whether it be a person in government, a friend, a parent or even a spiritual leader like a pastor...we shouldn’t obey anyone telling us to sin.

2. We interpret Scripture in light of Scripture…in other words, whatever we say about a child’s obedience must be able to bear the weight of the rest of the Bible…

While that is an important point to make, that’s not main point or thrust of this text...so let’s get back to the main point...for there to be unity in the home children must obey their parents.

John MacArthur said it like this

“A person who grows up with a sense of respect for and obedience to his parents will have the foundation for respecting the authority of other leaders and the rights of other people in general. Respect for parents is of such grave importance to God that Moses commanded, “He who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,” and “He who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death” (Ex. 21:15, 17; cf. Lev. 20:9). Either to physically or verbally abuse a parent was a capital offense in ancient Israel” (John MacArthur, p. 312).

So not only does a child’s obedience bring unity in the home it prepares them to live in unity with other’s outside of their home...like teachers, police officers, future employers and so forth.

If you think back to our definition of obey…“to hear under,” that is, to listen with attentiveness and to respond positively to what is heard”

That definition probably helps you understand why the one of the very first lessons that a child has to be taught is attentiveness...listening attentively to their parents so that they can obey what they are told.

- I certainly remember being asked by my parents, “Did you hear what I said?” “Repeat back to me, what I just told you.” “Are you paying attention?” That makes perfect sense when listening to my parents so I can respond to what they say is how you obey.

- So I would just ask every child and young person still living under your parents’ roof…how are you doing at the matter of obedience?...

- if your parents ask you to do something, do they know you will listen to them…and that you will do what you’ve been asked?...

- on a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself in this area?...

And while this isn’t primarily a message to parents, I think the question needs to be asked at this point... parents, are you making it clear to your children that obedience is expected?...

God, through the apostle Paul commands children to obey...he expects it. So parents, you need to expect what God expects.

You know, there is a delightful example of this in the OT book of Jeremiah…which was a sad time in the history of Israel because God’s people had been disobeying Him in all sorts of ways…in fact one of the most significant words in Jeremiah is the word “listen.” But it almost always is qualified negatively, so you read repeatedly, “they would not listen,” “they did not listen” or “they refused to listen.”

So the Lord comes to Jeremiah in chapter 35 and tells him to go into the house of the descendants of a man named Rechab – they were the Rechabites…and give them wine to drink…so next we read…

- Jeremiah 35:3–5 - Then I took Jaazaniah the son of Jeremiah, son of Habazziniah, and his brothers and all his sons and the whole house of the Rechabites, and I brought them into the house of the Lord, into the chamber of the sons of Hanan the son of Igdaliah, the man of God, which was near the chamber of the officials, which was above the chamber of Maaseiah the son of Shallum, the doorkeeper. Then I set before the men of the house of the Rechabites pitchers full of wine and cups; and I said to them, “Drink wine!”

It’s all pretty straightforward, right?...until we read this…Jeremiah 35:6 - But they said, “We will not drink wine…

- why in the world was that?... Jeremiah 35:6-10 - But they said, “We will not drink wine, for Jonadab the son of Rechab, our father, commanded us, saying, ‘You shall not drink wine, you or your sons, forever. ‘You shall not build a house, and you shall not sow seed and you shall not plant a vineyard or own one; but in tents you shall dwell all your days, that you may live many days in the land where you sojourn.’ “We have obeyed the voice of Jonadab the son of Rechab, our father, in all that he commanded us, not to drink wine all our days, we, our wives, our sons or our daughters, nor to build ourselves houses to dwell in; and we do not have vineyard or field or seed. “We have only dwelt in tents, and have obeyed and have done according to all that Jonadab our father commanded us.

Friends, that’s the beauty of obedience…and here’s what happened next…Jeremiah 35:12–15 - Then the word of the Lord came to Jeremiah, saying, “Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, ‘Go and say to the men of Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem, “Will you not receive instruction by listening to My words?” declares the Lord. “The words of Jonadab the son of Rechab, which he commanded his sons not to drink wine, are observed. So they do not drink wine to this day, for they have obeyed their father’s command. But I have spoken to you again and again; yet you have not listened to Me. “Also I have sent to you all My servants the prophets, sending them again and again, saying: ‘Turn now every man from his evil way and amend your deeds, and do not go after other gods to worship them. Then you will dwell in the land which I have given to you and to your forefathers; but you have not inclined your ear or listened to Me.

Beyond just the refreshing nature of children obeying their parents and the joy that must bring to their father. The principle is – a child’s obedience to parents can teach a very important lesson about a person’s obedience to God...

And so children, I want to encourage you, that the way you obey your parents may be very instrumental in pointing unsaved class mates, friends or family to their need for Jesus Christ.

Now, the obedience to the parents is qualified by 3 very important words... “in the Lord.” So what does that mean...

Meaning of “in the Lord”

These words really do make all the difference in the world.

Strength for obedience comes from the Lord

Strength or power has been mentioned a few times in Ephesians...like Eph. 1:18-19

Ephesians 1:18–19 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might

This surpassing great power towards us who believe and the strength of his might are needed for a child to obey their parents. So children, and parents do not miss that obedience that the Lord commands is “in the Lord” which means we need the strength and help of the Lord to do it!

This gets at the very core issue of using the challenge of disobedience as a roadway to discuss the gospel…

  • It’s not simply a matter of son/daughter – you need to obey me…but instead…son/daughter – let’s talk about what the struggle to obey reveals about the nature of our sinful hearts…and about how Jesus Christ died, was buried, and raised again so that we could establish a personal relationship with God through trusting Christ as Savior and Lord…and then be in a position to rely on Him to help us change…

Zechariah 4:6 Then he said to me, “This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel saying, ‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the LORD of hosts.

And then MacArthur helpfully connects the commands that come before the section on marriage to the command to children here in chapter 6 saying...

“If parents, who are much older and more experienced, cannot fulfill their responsibilities without being saved and being filled with the Holy Spirit, how much less can children be expected to fulfill their responsibilities without those spiritual requirements? The children Paul addresses in Ephesians 6:1 are just as much commanded to “be filled with the Spirit” (5:18) and to “be subject to one another in the fear of Christ” (5:21) as are the husbands and wives of 5:22–33 and the parents of 6:4” (John MacArthur, p. 315)

So “in the Lord” means we need God’s strength and to get God’s strength we must have surrendered our life to Christ.

Second, “in the Lord” means...

Motivation for obedience comes from the Lord

For an adult or a child, when a person becomes a follower of Christ their goal changes from life is about pleasing me, to live is about pleasing the Lord. And if our life is about pleasing the Lord, that means we want to grow to become more and more like Christ.

Earlier in Ephesians 4 we read...

Ephesians 4:13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.

So the point is, we are to seek to attain to the fullness of Christ. Well, how does Christ’s fullness relate to obedience? In other words, what do know about Christ’s obedience to his Father?

Do you remember Christ’s prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane... Luke 22:42 - saying, “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.”

Philippians 2:8 makes the point about the extent of Christ’s obedience saying, “...he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

So children, if you want to become more like Christ that should drive you to obey like Christ. He wanted to do the will of his Father more than his own will. Cry out to the Lord for help to want to obey your parents more than you want to please yourself. He will help you.

The final point of what “in the Lord” means is that the...

Obedience is patterned after obedience to the Lord

The way that obedience is often taught around here to children is obedience is doing what you’re told 1) the first, 2) right away and 3) with a happy heart.

I threw in the words submissive, because there is a sense in which happiness misses the point of obedience. It’s certainly not always happy in the moment. There certainly may be obedience that is like the obedience in the garden...i really wish there was a different way, but if there is isn’t, then I will obey. That’s submissive. Jesus didn’t beg, and roll on the ground and plead for a different way. He clearly communicated that what he was being asked to do was hard...he wanted to know if there was different way. But if the answer is no, then resolve to obey is what follows.

The first time

Right away

With a happy/submissive heart

I can get away with telling stories about myself as a child because my parents live in Colorado...it’s like Proverbs 18:17 says...he who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.

  • My parents aren’t here to correct the stories...so we’ll just assume they need no correction.

But as I recall my childhood, I was willing to obey the first time and often right away. But it was often the 3rd part that I wasn’t great at. I didn’t really want to do what my parents asked often. Just knew that if I didn’t there would be consequences.

If obedience is going to be “in the Lord” and patterned after our Lord Jesus, then we must have all 3.

Parents, I hope if your child obeys in the kind of fashion that you’ll be quick to commend them.

Paul finishes verse one with the reason children should obey...and very simply “it’s right.”

It is right

Children obeying parents is just...it’s righteous...it’s the correct way...it’s the right order of the universe!

And what’s really interesting about this reason is, this reason seems to appeal to the fact that this apparently is just obvious according to the way things are.

  • It seems like such an unspiritual reason, but actually it’s quite profound.
  • Children obeying their parents is just the obvious moral order and fabric of this world. So for children to rebel against it and for parents to allow disobedience without correction is to go against what is obviously right.

Psalm 19:8 The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.

Children...it’s right to obey your parents...to obey and do what is right in the Lord truly does bring rejoicing! The Lord commands this for your joy and good!

The second command that Paul gives to children is to honor...

II. Honor your father and your mother (Eph. 4:2)

Paul says that this is the first commandment with a promise...the commandment that he is referring to is to Honor your father and mother...

This is a commandment that shows up in the 10 commandments.

Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.

You’ll notice that what we just talked about in v.1 about obeying doesn’t actually show up in the 10 commandments. The command in the 10 commandments is to honor your parents...

That should be somewhat interesting when we think about the importance of obedience and the emphasis in scripture on children obeying their parents.

So why would the command be to honor rather than obey...

Well, when we understand the meaning of honor it will probably make more sense...

Meaning of “honor”

“The right attitude behind the right act of obedience is honor (timaō), which means to value highly, to hold in the highest regard and respect. In both its verb and noun forms the word is often used as a term of reverence, preciousness, and honor regarding God the Father and Christ (1 Tim. 1:17; 1 Pet. 2:17; Rev. 4:9, 11; 5:12–13; etc.)...Children are to honor both their father and mother, to hold them in the highest possible respect” (John MacArthur, Ephesians, p. 312).

So with that definition of honor...as it is the attitude of which children view their parents, that’s begins to show the real wisdom of the commandment being to honor parents rather than just obey...

  • As I mentioned before, my “obedience” to my parents was always from a place of honoring them. It was from a position of I don’t want consequences from them.
  • But if was honoring them, holding them in high esteem and reverence, then when I was asked to do something, I would want to do it because that’s how I show how much I value them!

So when it comes down to children in the home...

For children in the home

It’s pretty clear that obedience is probably the most important way that you show honor to your parents.

But it’s not the only way of showing honor.

I realize that life is busy and full of activities and extra curriculars...so it might be hard to find sit down meals together as a family.

  • But often I can remember always wanting to be with friends the older I got. And so prioritizing time with my parents wasn’t always high on the list.
  • My mom was pretty good about having meals at the table, sitting down together. But wanting to be there, being thankful for her preparation and care, and investing in conversation is all ways to show honor.

I can recall when my mom wanted me to start packing my own lunch for school. It didn’t last long because I would take bread and water. I kid you not. That is what I packed.

  • My mother tried pleading with me to actually make a sandwich. Bring something with more nutrition than just bread and water.
  • She didn’t command me to, so it wasn’t like I disobeyed her, but I certainly didn’t honor her by continuing to pack lunch like that.

Honoring your parents can look like seeking to do things that you know your parents would like and prefer even if it’s not a command.

  • So for kids in the home here are just a couple things I would ask you to consider?
  • If your mom has asked you to make your bed and keep you room in a certain condition, do you do it? Do you have to be asked repeatedly? So are you cultivating a heart that values, and esteems your mom so much that you want to show respect to what please her?
  • Or if you dad wants you to show more initiative and help around the house more, do you have to be asked to help in specific ways or are you looking and asking for ways you can help because you value, esteem and honor your parents?

I understand that this command to honor your parents can be especially challenging for blended families. This command to honor parents isn’t just for the “ideal” homes.

  • In situations where custody is shared this can be especially challenging.
  • If you’re growing up in a situation where your mom and dad aren’t together and your going back and forth between moms house and dads house.
  • Often you may not be seeing your parents speak honorably about one another.
  • Often one of your parents or perhaps a step parent is acting in a dishonorable way.
  • But this is where there are times that God calls us to honor the position even when you can’t honor or agree with what the person is doing...

We read the verse earlier, but Paul prayed in Eph. 1:19 that we might know what the immeasurable greatness of his power is towards us who believe [which he says is] according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ, WHEN HE RAISED JESUS FROM THE DEAD...

Did you catch that? The power that God works towards us is the same power that he work in Christ when he raised Jesus from the dead...that’s incredible power.

  • That’s the kind of power that God has for you to help you honor your father and mother even in situations where it’s incredibly, incredibly difficult to do.
  • Cry out to the Lord...he will help you obey the command to honor your father and mother.

The command to honor your parents goes further than just for those in the home...

For grown children out of the home

And this is where the incredible wisdom of the 5th commandment comes in. If the commandment was to obey your parents, then my obligation to my parents ends when I leave their house, and especially when I get married and cleave to my wife.

But the 5th commandment gives a much bigger principle that carries with it demands for my whole life while my parents are alive, and probably even after they die.

You may recall that Jesus had a pretty direct confrontation with the pharisees over this very commandment to honor your father and mother and the issue wasn’t about young children in the home. The issue was about adult children out of the home.

So I realize much of this sermon has been geared towards younger children, but unless you were hatched...you’ll want to pay attention to this.

Mark 7:9–13 He was also saying to them, “You are experts at setting aside the commandment of God in order to keep your tradition. 10 For Moses said, ‘HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER’; and, ‘HE WHO SPEAKS EVIL OF FATHER OR MOTHER, IS TO BE PUT TO DEATH’; 11 but you say, ‘If a man says to his father or his mother, whatever I have that would help you is Corban (that is to say, given to God),’ 12 you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or his mother; 13 thus invalidating the word of God by your tradition which you have handed down; and you do many things such as that.”

The word “corban” refers to a practice that is essentially like delayed giving. It would be like setting a will that your estate would go to a ministry at your death. In the event of the persons death, the estate gets transferred but until that time the person has full control and use over their estate.

Here’s the issue with how Corbon worked...a person could dedicate their property...or finances or whatever to the Lord...the person would retain full control over it for his own use, but his parents would be banned from receiving benefit from the property or funds.

One commentor describes it this way:

In the hypothetical situation proposed by Jesus, if the son declared his property qorban to his parents, he neither promised it to the Temple nor prohibited its use to himself, but he legally excluded his parents from the right of benefit.[1]

Clearly a wicked practice and the worst part was, that was set-up by the religious that claimed to want to obey the Lord. And Jesus even made the point in v.13 that they invalidate the word of God by their tradition...but corban isn’t the only one! He said they do many things such as that!

So, adult kids...grown ups...we need to ask ourselves how are we doing at honoring our parents?

  • You do not have to obey your parents...but you are commanded to honor. Think about how holiday or vacation time might be used to honor your parents?
  • No question about it, as parents age, the question of honoring your parents becomes very significant...

In 1 Timothy 5, Paul is instructing the church on how to care for widows who are truly widows. In v.8 Paul says,

1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

There is no question about it, that honoring your parents for many might mean financial support and help, but also may mean giving up lots of autonomy and freedom by moving in with parents who need more care or having them move in with you.

I know that quite a few members in our church have cared for parents who are aging in ways that really showed honor...and it is such an encouragement to me, and I know the Lord delights in that kind of honor being shown.

One other important way you show honor is in how you speak about your parents.

  • That certainly goes with how you speak to them, but also how you speak about them.

Paul qualified that honoring your father and mother was the first commandment with a promise. Because the 10 commandments were the first words of Scripture...God wrote the 10 commandments with his own finger...certainly what that means is that it’s the first commandment written that explicitly came with a promise. It’s the 5th commandment and there are 2 promises associated with it.

Two Promises

That it may go well with you

Long life

These two promises should be quite motivating. Long life and prosperity is essentially what is promised to those who honor their father and mother.

It shouldn’t be hard to see why these promises are associated with honoring your parents...

  • - The kind of child that honors their parents is going to grow up into the kind of person honors and respects others.
  • - They’re going to learn from their parents, and by learning from their parents they will be in a position to learn and glean wisdom and help from others.
  • - The kind of person that honors their parents is usually the kind of person that makes a good friend...and people that are good friends typically have lots of friends.
  • - The kind of person that honors their parents, is the kind of person that honors authority which is safe and helps them live longer!
  • - The kind of person who honors their parents is the kind of person that wants to honor their spouses’ parents, and wants to honor their own parents by listening to their wisdom on how to choose a spouse.

We certainly have to be careful not to push these promises to absolutes in this life, because there are plenty of exceptions to the rule where there are young children who die or young adults die in their 20s, or 30s from cancer or a car accident...we can’t take those as evidence that they must not have honored their father and mother. There are always exceptions to the rule.

But I think this 2 promises do beg the question of children to at least ask the question...if things aren’t going well for you, how are you doing at honoring your father and mother?

  • - There may be some repentance and reconciliation that is needed. If God promises that it will go well for you if you do honor them, then certainly the corollary would be that it won’t go well if you don’t.

But I want to close with this...

Children learning to honor their parents is what helps us come to the place of seeing that we need Jesus Christ as our Lord and savior, and it’s also what helps us continue to live as obedient children when we are out of our parents’ house.

1 Peter 1:14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance

  • - Many children have the experience of leaving their parents’ home and going off into sin...or as Peter puts it going after former lusts and former ignorance.
  • - And by God’s grace some of them come back to their senses and repent and return to the Lord.

But it doesn’t have to be that way...children you don’t have to fall away or do stupid sinful things when you leave your parents home.

  • - God commands you to honor them...in honoring them you honor the Lord. And in honoring the Lord, that’s how you follow the Lord and live for his glory all the days of your life!

And I know that I speak on behalf of all of our pastors when I say, that we love the children in our church. We love you and value you...I am so delighted to see children in the service, singing praise to the Lord, taking notes with their Bibles open, listening to the sermon...you are a gift to our church.

Getting to see families that are dwelling in unity because there are children in the home who obey and honor their parents...I know that is a delight to the Lord, and it is a great delight to your brothers and sisters as well. Keep it up, in the strength of the Lord!


[1] William L. Lane, The Gospel of Mark (The New International Commentary on the New Testament; Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1974), 251.

Authors

Greg Wetterlin

Roles

Pastor of Men’s Ministries - Faith Church

Director of Restoration Men's Ministries - Restoration Men's Residential Program

Bio

B.S. - Mechanical Engineering, Purdue University
M.Div - Faith Bible Seminary

Pastor Greg Wetterlin and his wife, Erika, joined the Faith staff in July of 2016. Greg’s responsibilities include oversight of Restoration Men's Ministries as well as shepherding and teaching in Faith Church.