Children Obey Your Parents

One of the great privileges I have had over the past five years while leading the Youth Group here at Faith West is that I have been able to see part of the church grow up and mature.

I’ve seen many seventh graders turn into seniors and I’ve seen teens graduate from high school and then go on to be involved in the college ministry here at Faith West and continue to grow in their relationship with God.

I recently had the opportunity to meet with one of the men that is an upper classman (we call them men at that point because half of them can lift more weight than I can, and they have a deeper voice than I do).

Anyways when I met one of the students, we often talk about all sorts of things like how you can know the will of God, what does this passage of the Bible mean, and all other sorts of topics like that.

Well, we began talking a lot about what it looks like for someone to obey their parents. And this

teen brought up the topic and he didn’t bring it up because he is always rebelling against his parents.

He brought it up because he wanted to know what it looks like to obey and honor one’s parents

once you graduate from high school.

I was able to walk him through what the Scripture says about honoring and obeying your parents, I

gave him some basic principles to think through regarding those passages, and finally I gave him a few ways he could apply these concepts now and as he begins the transition into college and into adulthood.

We discussed these things for probably 30 minutes, and the significance of this really didn’t hit me

until we had both gone our separate ways.

You see this young man wanted to obey his parents but more than that he wanted to obey God. He showed that by the questions he was asking, by his response to my questions, and overall it was clear that he wanted to do the right thing in God’s eyes.

Now this conversation could have gone a lot differently, right?

We could have been talking about the importance of obedience, why you should obey your

parents, and why you should obey the Lord. But we didn’t event talk about those concepts because it was clear that this young man believes these truths already.

This wasn’t a conversation about whether or not I should be doing what God says, no, this was about what it practically looks like for someone to apply God’s word.

- with that in mind, let’s me ask you to open your Bible to Ephesians chapter 6…page 1173 of the Bible under the chair in front of you…

- our church’s theme this year is Building on Our Heritage…and we’ve been having a great time celebrating our 60^th anniversary and learning as many lessons as we possibly can…

- I hope you were able to be with us last Sunday evening for our joint worship service with Kossuth Street Baptist, our mother church…

- it was such sweet time of fellowship and a reminder of Psalm 133:1 - Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!

- it also allowed us to praise our wonderful Savior who makes that kind of unity possible…

- part of our celebration is studying the book of Ephesians verse by verse…and we’ve been doing that for the majority of the year…

- the last several weeks we’ve been studying the end of chapter 5 and the beginning of chapter 6 which is all about the Christian family…we titled this section “Strengthening Unity in our Relationships”…

- that might need a bit of explanation…

- the book of Ephesians divides very neatly into 2 parts…chapters 1-3 focused on who we are in Christ…the gospel indicatives, our identity in Christ…

- then chapters 4-6 address the practical commands, the outworking of that identity, the gospel imperatives…

- right at that transition point…we have these crucial verses… Ephesians 4:1–3 - Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

- the issue of unity comes up again in Ephesians 4:11 - And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers,

- much of what follows in the rest of the book – if obeyed, can result in greater unity in all sorts of relations…including between a husband and wife…and now, between parents and children…

- so the verses we have before us today are about Unified Families – Children Obey Your Parents

- let’s read what God’s Word says about this…read Ephesians 6:1-3

- all of this, like many places in the Word of God – is fairly straightforward…so let’s look for 2 commands for children

I. Children Obey Your Parents in the Lord (Eph. 4:1)

- I think we all know what that means…

A. Meaning of obey

- one commentator said it like this – “Hupakouō (obey) literally means “to hear under,” that is, to listen with attentiveness and to respond positively to what is heard” (John MacArthur, Ephesians, p. 311)

- Paul made a similar point to the Colossians - Colossians 3:20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.

- now we believe in interpreting Scripture with Scripture…so somewhere along the line here I suppose we should mention that we’re certainly not talking about commands or expectations that would be sinful…

- you may remember that delightful passage just a few chapters after the church had been born…

- Acts 5:14–16 - And all the more believers in the Lord, multitudes of men and women, were constantly added to their number, to such an extent that they even carried the sick out into the streets and laid them on cots and pallets, so that when Peter came by at least his shadow might fall on any one of them. Also the people from the cities in the vicinity of Jerusalem were coming together, bringing people who were sick or afflicted with unclean spirits, and they were all being healed.

- well, the Jewish religious authorities did not like that…so the next verses tells us… Acts 5:17–18 - But the high priest rose up, along with all his associates (that is the sect of the Sadducees), and they were filled with jealousy. They laid hands on the apostles and put them in a public jail.

- this shows how illogical unbelief can be…if God is allowing them to do these kinds of miracles…do you think a little something like a prison door is going to hold them back?...

- and sure enough the angel of the Lord comes and releases them from prison and tells them to go preach the gospel in the temple…

- so the Jewish leaders assembled a meeting and then sent orders to the jail that Peter and the other apostles be brought before them…

- and the guys comes back and says -- Acts 5:22–23 - But the officers who came did not find them in the prison; and they returned and reported back, saying, “We found the prison house locked quite securely and the guards standing at the doors; but when we had opened up, we found no one inside.”

- then another guy comes in and says – the men you put in prison are preaching in the temple…, so then -- Acts 5:27–28 - When they had brought them, they stood them before the Council. The high priest questioned them, saying, “We gave you strict orders not to continue teaching in this name, and yet, you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching and intend to bring this man’s blood upon us.”

- so what’s Peter going to say to that?...you’re supposed to obey your authorities…Acts 5:29 - But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.

- that’s an important example of at least 2 important principles…

1. The Lord has not given ultimate authority to any one person.

- we can never obey a person telling us to sin…

2. We interpret Scripture in light of Scripture…in other words, whatever we say about a child’s obedience must be able to bear the weight of the rest of the Bible…

- now let’s get back to the main point – in order for there to be unity in the family and the home, children have to learn to obey their parents…

- John MacArthur said it like this…“A person who grows up with a sense of respect for and obedience to his parents will have the foundation for respecting the authority of other leaders and the rights of other people in general. Respect for parents is of such grave importance to God that Moses commanded, “He who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,” and “He who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death” (Ex. 21:15, 17; cf. Lev. 20:9). Either to physically or verbally abuse a parent was a capital offense in ancient Israel” (John MacArthur, p. 312).

- this is why one of the first lessons a parent has to teach their child is attentiveness…

- Think back to our definition…“to hear under,” that is, to listen with attentiveness and to respond positively to what is heard”

- and I would just ask every child and young person still living under your parents’ roof…how are you doing at the matter of obedience?...

- if your parents ask you to do something, do they know you will listen to them…and that you will do what you’ve been asked?...

- on a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself in this area?...

- and parents – are you making it clear to your children that obedience is expected?...

- you know, there is a delightful example of this in the OT book of Jeremiah…which was a sad time in the history of Israel because God’s people had been disobeying Him in all sorts of ways…

- so the Lord comes to Jeremiah in chapter 35 and tells him to go into the house of the descendants of a man named Rechab – they were the Rechabites…and give them wine to drink…so next we read…

- Jeremiah 35:3–5 - Then I took Jaazaniah the son of Jeremiah, son of Habazziniah, and his brothers and all his sons and the whole house of the Rechabites, and I brought them into the house of the Lord, into the chamber of the sons of Hanan the son of Igdaliah, the man of God, which was near the chamber of the officials, which was above the chamber of Maaseiah the son of Shallum, the doorkeeper. Then I set before the men of the house of the Rechabites pitchers full of wine and cups; and I said to them, “Drink wine!”

- it’s all pretty straightforward, right?...until we read this…Jeremiah 35:6 - But they said, “We will not drink wine…

- why in the world was that?... Jeremiah 35:6-10 - But they said, “We will not drink wine, for Jonadab the son of Rechab, our father, commanded us, saying, ‘You shall not drink wine, you or your sons, forever. ‘You shall not build a house, and you shall not sow seed and you shall not plant a vineyard or own one; but in tents you shall dwell all your days, that you may live many days in the land where you sojourn.’ “We have obeyed the voice of Jonadab the son of Rechab, our father, in all that he commanded us, not to drink wine all our days, we, our wives, our sons or our daughters, nor to build ourselves houses to dwell in; and we do not have vineyard or field or seed. “We have only dwelt in tents, and have obeyed and have done according to all that Jonadab our father commanded us.

- friends, that’s the beauty of obedience…and here’s what happened next…Jeremiah 35:12–15 - Then the word of the Lord came to Jeremiah, saying, “Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, ‘Go and say to the men of Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem, “Will you not receive instruction by listening to My words?” declares the Lord. “The words of Jonadab the son of Rechab, which he commanded his sons not to drink wine, are observed. So they do not drink wine to this day, for they have obeyed their father’s command. But I have spoken to you again and again; yet you have not listened to Me. “Also I have sent to you all My servants the prophets, sending them again and again, saying: ‘Turn now every man from his evil way and amend your deeds, and do not go after other gods to worship them. Then you will dwell in the land which I have given to you and to your forefathers; but you have not inclined your ear or listened to Me.

- the principle is – a child’s obedience to parents can teach a very important lesson about a person’s obedience to God...now, what about the phrase…

B. Meaning of “in the Lord”

- that makes all the difference in the world, doesn’t it?...

1. Strength for obedience comes from the Lord

- Paul has mentioned the issue of strength multiples times in this book in a general way…

- Ephesians 1:18–19 - I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might

- now we have a very specific way this strength can be used…to help a child obey parents even when it’s hard…

- this also gets at the very core issue of using the challenge of disobedience as a roadway to discuss the gospel…

- it’s not simply a matter of son/daughter – you need to obey me…but instead…son/daughter – let’s talk about what the struggle to obey reveals about the nature of our sinful hearts…and about how Jesus Christ died, was buried, and raised again so that we could establish a personal relationship with God through trusting Christ as Savior and Lord…and then be in a position to rely on Him to help us change…

- Zechariah 4:6 - Then he said to me, “This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel saying, ‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the Lord of hosts.

“If parents, who are much older and more experienced, cannot fulfill their responsibilities without being saved and being filled with the Holy Spirit, how much less can children be expected to fulfill their responsibilities without those spiritual requirements? The children Paul addresses in Ephesians 6:1 are just as much commanded to “be filled with the Spirit” (5:18) and to “be subject to one another in the fear of Christ” (5:21) as are the husbands and wives of 5:22–33 and the parents of 6:4” (John MacArthur, p. 315)

2. Motivation for obedience comes from the Lord

- once a person trusts Christ, our goal is to become more and more like Him…

- we learned earlier in the book that we are seeking to…Ephesians 4:13 - until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.

- well, what do we know about the obedience of Christ?...what did He pray in the Garden?... Luke 22:42 - saying, “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.”

- those are some of the tenderest words in all the Bible…and they are about a Son being obedient to His Father…

- that’s so true that we even have this fascinating statement - Hebrews 5:8 - Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered.

- how could an omniscient Savior learn something?...we have to assume that the writer of Hebrews was talking about “learning something experientially…”

- the larger point is – children who want to be like Jesus are working at being obedient to their parents…and learning to cry out to Him for help…

3. Obedience is patterned after obedience to the Lord

a. The first time

b. Right away

c. With a happy/submissive heart

- parent – when your child obeys you in this fashion, I hope you’re quick to commend them…

- then Paul even says…

C. It is right

- this is correct, just, righteous…the way things should be…

- and that’s where living by the Word of God gets you…

- Psalm 19:8 - The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.

- now we probably need to address this question – what about when a child is no longer living in his/her parents’ home and has established independence financially?...

- that ends the responsibility to obey…for example Paul just taught that when two people are married, they leave father and mother…their relationship to their parents changes at that point…

- then Paul tells children to…

II. Honor your father and your mother

- this is the concept that is actually found in the Ten Commandments…

- Exodus 20:12 - Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

- many have observed that honor is the attitude…obedience is the action, and of course they go hand in hand…

- it’s pretty amazing that these are the only words in the Ten Commandments addressed to children…but when this is in place, so many other aspects of the parent/child relationship fall naturally in line…

A. Meaning of “honor”

“The right attitude behind the right act of obedience is honor (timaō), which means to value highly, to hold in the highest regard and respect. In both its verb and noun forms the word is often used as a term of reverence, preciousness, and honor regarding God the Father and Christ (1 Tim. 1:17; 1 Pet. 2:17; Rev. 4:9, 11; 5:12–13; etc.)...Children are to honor both their father and mother, to hold them in the highest possible respect” (John MacArthur, Ephesians, p. 6).

1. For children in the home

- a lot of this is a battle of the mind…

- which is why the put off / put on principle is so helpful and important…

- if you’re still living in your parents’ home, what kind of thoughts do you need to put off that are hindering you from honoring your parents well…

- and what kind of thoughts might need to be put on in order to grow in this area?...

- there’s also no doubt that parents can help set that tone by honoring one another before the children…

- a spouse who is constantly berating his wife (or her husband) should not be surprised when the children pick up on those habits…

- that’s’ why its wise not to allow your children to speak ill of your spouse…

- if a problem needs to be solved, then you can sit down and respectfully discuss the problem…

- but the expected atmosphere in the home should be one of honor for mom and dad…

- and for the young people here – I would just ask you – how are you doing in these two areas?...

1. If mom has asked you to keep your room to a certain standard…do you do it, without having to be told over and over and over…not just because you are behaviorally obeying…but you are cultivating a heart/mind that honors your parents?...

2. If dad has given you the chore of having the trash to the curb on trash day…do you obey every time, with a heart that honors him?...

- this can be a special challenge for blended families where different parents are sharing custody…

- it’s not unusual for parents to be critical of each other in that situation….using the kids to get back at their x-spouse…

- we’ve had a number of church members over the years in that situation who have learned to speak honorably about their x-spouse and expect the children to do the same…

- and sometimes the person may be behaving in a way that is very dishonorable

- but there are times when you have to honor the position even when you can’t honor or agree with what the person is doing in that moment…

- but the Lord stands ready to help us do hard things…

- and sometimes God even gives us especially unusual opportunities to do so

- now what about…

2. For grown children out of the home

- this command to honor our parents is for life…

- you may remember Jesus teaching about this in Matthew 15 and again in Mark 7…where the Pharisees had a tradition of declaring some of their financial assets as “Corban” – dedicated to the Lord…so when their parents had a need they could say, sorry, that asset has been dedicated to God so I won’t help you…

- here’s the way Mark records it…

- Mark 7:9 - He was also saying to them, “You are experts at setting aside the commandment of God in order to keep your tradition.

- that should get our attention because we would never want to do that…

- then He said, Mark 7:10–13 - “For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother, is to be put to death’; but you say, ‘If a man says to his father or his mother, whatever I have that would help you is Corban (that is to say, given to God),’ you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or his mother; thus invalidating the word of God by your tradition which you have handed down; and you do many things such as that.”

- later Jesus explained why this was so serious…because it was an issue of the heart…Mark 7:20–23 - And He was saying, “That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man. “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.”

- for those of us whose parents are still alive, we should ask…how am I doing at the matter of honoring them?...

B. Two Promises

1. That it may go well with you

2. Long life