Colossians 3:19

- read Col. 3:19

- now, just like we saw what the Lord said to wives---this verse is
very easy to understand.
- no big words
- no long arguments

- the problem with a Christian husband who is not growing in what
this verse is talking about is never that he can't
understand what God has said he is supposed to be like
- the issue is always -- he is not willing to submit himself
to God's plan
- and he's not willing to put the kind of hard, diligent
effort into changing that is required in order to
become a godly husband.

- let's begin with:

I. What God's Kind of Husband Must Do

- the verse begins with the words, "husbands, love your wives"

- I'd like to make a couple of brief comments about this word and
then have you teach this part of the lesson.

- the word for love here is the word agapn -- for those of you who
have been studying the Bible, you know that there were three
primary words in NT times that were translated love
- it's important to note that the word that is used here is
agapn.

- it's also important to note that this is a present tense
imperative

1) an imperative is a command -- something we must do

2) present tense makes it continuous action -- something we
must do over and over and over
- a very legitimate translation of this verse would be,
"husbands, keep on loving your wives."

- with that in mind, let me open it up to you...
- INPUT - What important biblical truth about love do we need to
keep in mind as we study this verse?

(on white board)

- not a feeling first
- it is giving (John 3:16, Gal. 2:20)
- love is a choice of our wills
- characteristics of love are found in I Cor. 13
- our Lord and Savior is our Model and Example of love - Eph.
5:25

- now, it probably goes without saying that what the Scripture says
about love and what the world says are radically different.
- there are probably few subjects in which the world's view and the
Scripture's view are at such odds.
- the thing that ought to concern us about that is that most people
here this morning rub shoulders with those in the world who hold
wrong views about love day after day after day.
- it's important for us to think about the difference between
what the Scripture says on this subject, and what the world
says-and then to ask--how much of the world's view has rubbed
off on us? (or how much we've always had that we've failed to
shed?)

- what I'd like to do at this point is to quote some contemporary
secular writers and what they have written about love--and ask you to
evaluate it biblically:

1) Bruce Fierstein - And so it is February. We've come to the season
of snowstorms, the month when we honor our Presidents with fantastic
sales on washing machines and trash compactors; it's the time of
year when our thoughts turn to romance and the celebration of
Valentines Day. Now admittedly, there are many who believe we'd be
far better off replacing St. Valentine with Saint Jude-the patron
saint of hopeless causes. - INPUT - how would you evaluate that
position biblically? (growing
in biblical love is hard--but it's not hopeless. God's people
should/must have hope when it comes to this subject)

2) "Why Love Is not Built to Last" - article in Cosmopolitan, June,
1988. I've come to recognize in my two decades of psychoterapeutic
work with couples in distress: that love is very much a reservoir,
and over time there may be additions to it or an outflow. People in
love rarely seem to know how close to empty this reservoir may be.
Save, perhaps, for an occasional bit of sediment, the next to the
last drop, even the final one, seems little different from the
first. While most of us can vividly recall each step along the road
to falling in love, the process of falling out of love is largely
invisible until completed.

- INPUT - how would you evaluate this position biblically? (doesn't
even make sense experientially//concept of "falling in" and
falling out" is wrong. )

3) (same article) - The Ten Death Signs of Love. It has been my
experience that love is dying and probably beyond resuscitation
when...

- INPUT - how would you evaluate this position biblically?
(experience based--terrible epistemology//love is never dead
unless you choose to stop giving).

(these next three are answers to the question - "What starts love and
what stops love?")

4) JZ Knight, channel for Ramtha, a 35,000 year old warrior, as
described in her autobiography, "A State of Mind: My Story."
"Why do we say `fall in love'? You don't fall anywhere. The
spiritual reality is that we can't love another individual unless
we love ourselves first. What do you give another person if you're
empty inside?
When does love end? I don't think it ever does, if it's been
established as a reflection of the individual's self-love. What
ends is not the love but the way it serves us. When we stop
growing in one relationship, we're ready for another, one that will
allow us to explore other, deeper aspects of ourselves."

INPUT - biblical evaluation?

5) Terry Burman, president of Barry's Jeweler's, a 220 store chain.
"Love starts when someone makes you feel worthwhile-and an
important gift, like a diamond, can be part of that. I like to
watch couples in the showroom, looking at rings. They get closer
together. There's a dreamy look of contentment.
The end comes when you are no longer made to feel valued and
validated by the other person. I wish all relationships were as
long-lasting as diamonds."

INPUT - biblical evaluation?

6) Sydney Biddle Barrows, author of "Mayflower Madam."
"There are people who think they're in love any time someone shows
interest in them. But healthy love is when you find someone you
like, admire, and respect, who likes, admires, and respects you in
return. Love stops when you discover things about him that you
don't respect. He's not kind, or he has attributes that you can't
stand: horrible manners, no tact. You realize you can't have the
relationship you envisioned with this person."

INPUT - Biblical evaluation?

- so the bottom line so far is that:
1) husbands are commanded to love their wives
2) that love is a choice to sacrifice ourselves and give
3) loving is this way is a command of God and we are to love our
wives continually
- there is never a reason for a husband to violate this
command.

- this approach is radically different than what our world has to say
and it would be wise for each man here this morning to ask-- how
does the way i love my wife stack up to what the this passage of
Scripture commands?

II. How the Context Helps Us Understand the Command

- there are some observations we need to make about the context of
Col. 3:19 that should help us as we seek to understand and apply
this verse:

A. The narrow context

- there is a very important relationship between verses 18 and
19.

- you can't fully understand one without considering the other.

- when we talk about a husband loving--that especially has to
be understood in the context of the leadership he provides
for the family.
- we say that because the previous verse spoke of the wife
submitting.

- so while of course husbands are to be loving in every
way at every time--that is especially true in the
contexts in which his wife is expected to submit.

- God's ideal plan for the Christian family is that the
wife being growing in the submission of verse 18 while
her husband in growing in the love of verse 19.
- that’s not to say that we don't have to obey "our
verse" if our spouse isn't obeying "theirs."

INPUT - how are verses 18 and 19 related? (it's a lot easier to submit
to leadership that is carried out in love -- it's a lot easier
to provide loving leadership in a context where the wife has a
submissive spirit.)

- now again, we're not saying that you don't have to obey your
verse if your spouse is not obeying theirs.
- but the reason we need to make this point is because:
1) some husbands who think their wives aren't very
submissive ought to ask themselves if they provide the
kind of loving leadership that is easy to submit to.
2) some wives who are upset that their husbands aren't
very loving ought to ask if they have the kind of
submissive spirit where loving leadership is easier to
exercise.
B. The broader context

- we can also be helped with this command when we think about
the broader context.

- remember, we've been studying about the superiority of Jesus
Christ.
- whether we want to be Christ-centered people
- whether our love of//and respect for Jesus Christ is such
that we want to be like Him.

- a husband who's not concerned about growing in biblical love
for his wife is showing, not just his contempt//indifference
for his wife....
- he's showing his contempt//indifference for the Lord.

- at this point - I'd like us to try to make as many specific
applications of this subject as we can.
- I'm going to divide you into groups--I'd like you to work on two
questions:

1) List specific ways a husband can show sacrificial love to his
wife.

2) How can a husband exercise biblical leadership and at the same
time be loving? What is the balance?

- Come back - discuss

III. What God's Kind of Husband Must Not Do

- the command in this verse has both a a positive and a negative
side.
- in other words, here's something you must not, here's
something you must not do.

- you must love, and you must not become bitter.
- or as the NIV translates it - you must not be harsh.

- INPUT - how does a husband become bitter?

(go through steps: high expectations....)

- INPUT - what are ways a husband might be "harsh" with his wife?

IV. Why This Is Possible

- I realize that you may be here this morning and would say, PV,
what you're talking about this morning is hard---for a bunch of
reasons.
- I'm not sure I like it!
- I'm not sure I feel like doing it
- I've not seen it done much
- in a number of ways, I'm not doing it
- habits are hard to break
(this outline is from William Hendriksen)

A. Jesus Christ provides the power

- throughout history, other philosophers have talked about how
husbands and wives should live together.
- but as William Hendriksen says, their teachings are like
trains
lacking engines.

- ideas, in and of themselves--will not produce results
(cf. the statement- after it's all said and done, there's a lot more
said than done.)

- Phil. 4:13, Titus 2:11

B. Jesus Christ provides the purpose

- we're not talking about living this way so life will be
better
- or because the marriage will be smoother
- or there will be less problems

- we're talking about glorifying God (3:17)
- we're talking about the importance of being a good
picture of Christ and the church.

C. Jesus Christ provides the pattern

- in this verse, and each of the succeeding ones about
relationships in the family, our Savior provided the perfect
example to follow.