Hope for Husbands in Suffering

Men…what is one of your leadership failures…

I remember one time I had this great idea to try to drive home to ND overnight…Mackenna our oldest was maybe 1 or 2 years old…so we figured she would sleep through the night…and we would get to grandma and grandpas driving all night…we thought we would be tired, but grandma and grandpa could help out as we got there a day earlier…well we got to Wisconsin dells…and we just could not handle the screaming anymore…and my daughter was crying…We also did this to save money and not have to stop halfway…well getting a hotel in the dells is not cheap…so 1:30am…super expensive hotel we did not sleep in much…and we were back on the road…never to try to drive through the night again…

I am the leader, I take responsibility for that…I had the responsibility and ability to make a good decisions…and I did not make a good one and we all paid the price….

As Pastor Viars said last week…-One of the benefits and challenges of being made in the image of God, and being remade in the image of Christ is both the ability, and the responsibility, of thinking different kinds of biblical thoughts simultaneously…I think with the husbands role that is definitely true as men need to be able to lead well and also serve well…they need to have responsibility to make final decisions, but they also need to submit to the authority that is above them…

The principle that I find quite helpful is that my role is to bear God’s image, even in suffering…and I can only do that if I have been remade in the image of Christ…and so as a new creation in Christ, it is my responsibility to point others to God…to bear His image…and I do that through all kinds of trial sin a broken world…and I do that as I fulfill all kinds of roles…

As a man, I have the responsibility to bear God’s image….as a Husband I have the responsibility to bear the image of God…as a father, as a pastor, as a neighbor, as a friend, as a brother, as a son…everything I do I am to point others to the character of God….point others to the redemptive plan of God and How he has rescued me…and How he wants to be reconciled with sinners…

Now various roles have various degrees of difficulty in doing that…and what I find is being a husband is incredibly rewarding,… it is a blessing and it has difficulties…both because of my nature as a sinner, and the nature of the position to lead for the glory of God…

- with that in mind, please open your Bibles to 1 Peter 3:7…page 181 of the back section of the Bible under the chair in front of you…

- our theme this year is Hope for Everyday Life [Kari – please insert graphic]

- to develop that idea, we’re spending the early part of the year doing a verse-by-verse study of 1-2 Peter…called Hope in Everyday Suffering…

- we know that Peter was writing to people who had been scattered because of the persecution of the church under the wicked Emperor Nero…

Last week pastor Viars addressed hope for wives in suffering, and this week I have the privilege of speaking on Hope for Husbands in suffering

It was a bit funny bc last week P.Viars encouraged the men that today was coming, and that they should not skip and go fishing…a few men came up to us and said…now I am going to be gone, but I am going to to be watching online….

So with our time this morning lets look at….

3 ways husbands fulfill their role, even through difficulty.

Leadership is something in our culture that can be both abused as some lead selfishly and sinfuly, but often time even good leadership is simply not followed or not appreciated….

Christina men need to embrace this challenge because of the biblical mandate of Christ…and so even in a sin cursed broken world, where leadership is difficult…followers of Christ, especially husbands…must…

I. Embrace the responsibility to lead

Now that does not mean we are to lead with sinful anger or bitterness, or exasperation…we are to …

Follow Christ’s Example

Just as Pastor Viars pointed out for wives…the direction for husbands and wives goes back to the example of Christ.

1. 1 Peter 2:21 -²¹ For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps,

We are to follow Christ example…which leads us to…

Do not revile in return

Entrust yourself to the one who judges righteously

IN addition, because of not just the example of Christ, but the sacrifice of Christ…we are to live out our living hope, our lives are to be completely transformed to not live for ourselves…

He bore our sins in the body…so that…we would Die to sin and live to righteousness…WE would die to living for yourself and be focused on righteousness…not ease and comfort, not everyone liking us…not safety and security above all else,….but righteousness…..that which is right in God’s eyes.

The reality is leading is difficult…often when you lead you get all the criticism and very little appreciation…and a person will not lead well if they are not putting of sin and more concerned about righteousness…

This all goes back to following someone…we are called to

Follow the shepherd and guardian of your soul

The reason we follow someone, is we trust them, and we believe they can lead us…and then we mirror what they do…we mimic what they do, we follow them…so when others see us…they think about the one we are following.

A husband is commanded to lead, to be the head…this is not an option…the question is will you lead well, and wil the way you lead point to the one who is leading you…

1. Ephesians 5:23–25 -²³ For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. ²⁴ But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

Husbands are to follow Christ example, be motivated by Christ’s sacrifice…and love their wives in a way that points others to Christ sacrificial love for the church.

Men…let me ask you…when is the last time you sacrifices something you really wanted to serve you wife…and did you do it will joy because you got the honor of point others to the Love of Christ…

Men, to live is Christ and to die is gain…we are to consider ourselves dead to sin…but alive to God in Christ…we are to crucify the desires of the flesh…we are to be constantly by denying ourselves, and willing and joyfully giving up what we want to serve our wives because that is what Christ did for us…

Because of this…our wives should get so overwhelmed by our sacrificial love…that they say…will you just stop and let me deny myself and serve you for like 5 min…you are hoggin all the Christlikeness opportunities…I want some…just sit down and let me serve you…

Men, to live is Christ and following Him is to give yourself up…and to love giving and not to try to get something in return, but because you are so exited to show others the love you have received from Christ….

Suffering forces us to deny self…men who have the habit of constantly denying themselves and having joy in serving others are able to handle suffering well for the glory of God.

To cultivate that mindset requires men to…

Function under authority

We all must submit…not just wives, but husbands to…

1. 1 Peter 2:13 -¹³ Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority,

If you are going to lead well…you also need to be able to submit well …Men are to be leaders, but they are not to be absolute despotic leaders…but men who are stewards of the leadership God has entrusted to them…knowing they will give an account to the Lord for how we lead…

1. 1 Corinthians 11:3 -³ But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

The bible teachers men and women are equal in value…we bear God’s image equally…but men have a unique responsibility to lead and function in the leadership structure God has created and defined.

Be a Servant Leader

Men, if you have a pen and paper…please draw a triangle with the point at the top…then draw another triangle upside down…look at your beautiful craftsmanship…and consider this passage…

1. Matthew 20:25–28 -²⁵ But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. ²⁶ “It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, ²⁷ and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; ²⁸ just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

People in our culture and in the culture of Jesus day see leaders at the top of the first triangle…and then underneath them…you can draw a bunch of stick figures…people to serve them…assistants, employees, spouse, kids…

God says it is ok to want to be great…but in his kingdom, greatness is inverted…the son of Man is the one with all honor and authority and he came to serve and give his life…so men who want to follow him are to view themselves at the bottom of the second triangle…you want to use your position, your authority, your gifts and ability and resources to serve all the people who are above you…

That is what a servant leader looks like….So men we are to make the final decision after we listen and prayerfully considered the options…but that decision needs to be governed by what will honor God the most and serve others the most…not serve me the most…

Now if you view yourself at the bottom…and you find joy in being great in God’s kingdom…then you will seek to know how your leadership impacts others…in other words you will seek to …

II. Grow as a man of understanding

1 Peter 3:7a -⁷ You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman;

This is hard work to live with your wife in an understanding way…this does not simply meaning being understanding like being patient or compassionate, which is something godly men should be, but this phrase is talking about knowing something…it literally means according to knowledge…

As a godly man….there is information you need to gather regularly in order to have understanding…this means you need to listen…it means you have to remember, it means you have to learn, devote brainpower and focus… maintain on going educational training…because the people you lead, your wife, your kids…their desires and needs might change and you need to update your brain database…and that requires work, and at times suffering….

The reason we want to do this is so that we can…

Understand the challenges of the wife’s role

If we are to be servant leaders, we need to seek to understand our wives…not focus on getting them to understand what we want…

1. Philippians 2:3 -³ Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;

Part of the reason this is important is that the text says we are to live in an understanding way, because our wives are weaker.

This does not mean intellectually weaker, spiritually weaker, or emotionally weaker…Some have indicated that women in general are physically weaker then men. This is true on average, and the original text uses the word vessel …but it is not true in every scenario. There are some women who are physically stronger then some men.

However, when there is leadership and especially in the culture that Peter is writing to…women are in a weak position.

Men need to understand how difficult it is to submit to an imperfect leader…and the reality is many of us know that…the decisions that a boss makes can make their employees lives more difficult, or their decision can bring efficiency, clear guidelines, an enjoyable work environment and blessing….

So too can husbands make decisions that really makes life difficult for wives who are in a weak position…or they can make decisions that are a blessing for their wives…

[illustration] – I view it like walking through a forest…I grew up next to a river and a forest…and we would often go exploring…if you were walking in a line, and you were leading the way…you could choose to go a direction where you see where you are going, you see the footing, the obstacles, but the person behind you does not see it and they did not choose that path…so you are ok…but they stumble…or you move a branch out of the way…and let it go and it hits them in the face.

Lets say a husband want to stay up late, eat way more sweets than normal and watch a movie and totally disregard bedtime…and the kids are exhausted…and dad has to work the next day or go on a trip and mom has to take care of a bunch of exhausted kids who still have ice cream dripping off their chin…

Or lets say a husband wants to get a new truck, or a new set of tools, or he wants to put an underground bowling alley under their house…and he chooses to do that, and his wife now has to put off constant concern for their finances since the husband has overextended them and made foolish financial decisions.

The bottom line is a man of understanding want to understand how their decisions can make their wives life better or worse.

Now part of growing is embracing the challenge of being a godly husband…and because we are living in a sin cursed word…we need to …

Understand the challenges of the husband’s role

The reality is leading in this culture is hard…men often are called to work hard, deal with a lot of physical and mentally difficult problems at work…and if men lead and try to take charge…often times all they get is criticism…and in this culture especially toxic masculinity is thrown around like a hot potato…when the reality is leading takes a great amount of work and sacrifice….as pastor Viars say the axe is over your neck…

But we are not going to let the culture derail us from fulfilling our biblical mandate…even if it is hard, sometimes a thankless endeavor, and even if we get resistance form all sorts of places…

The real challenge is that.…leading takes effort and work, and often will mean you have to think about more people than just yourself…and understanding someone else is difficult… the bible says in prov 20:5 that…

1. Proverbs 20:5 -⁵ A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, But a man of understanding draws it out.

Think about a persons plans…what they want out of life…what they believe will satisfy them or make them feel safe…or things they want to do…the bible says these things are in deep.

Why do people’s plans tend to be deep or held close to the vest….it is bc maybe people are embarrassed that someone will mock their plans…maybe they are concerned that they might have to give them up or they may be challenged to consider if those plans are wise, or glorifying to God….maybe their plans reveal something about them that makes them feel vulnerable…if I know what your plans are…if I know what you want out of life…that might give me leverage, and I can use that to try to manipulate you or leverage that knowledge to my own purposes…

So a person’s plans are deep…they are more like a Ancient Near Eastern well, rather than a water fountain, or soda machine…where you just put in a dollar and you get water…or you just push a button…you need to pull a rope with a bucket of water ….you need to pay attention, focus, exert energy…you need to ask one questions, than another…to learn…and you can’t rely on the info you gathered yesterday….because each day has its own challenges,….and the plan in the heart of man change…

So men, what does it look like to be a man of understanding with your wife…well it starts with when you come home and you ask how was your day, you don’t say to yourself…say fine, say hine, please just say fine…you come home looking to grow to be a man of understanding.

It means learning to ask good questions that focus your wife relationship with the Lord and what His plans are for her life and you learn about her plans so you can serve her but also point her to God’s plans for her to BMLC actually and encourage her that will fully satisfy her…

Practically that might mean you regularly ask…How have you seen God work in your life today? What was the hardest part of your day…anyway I can be praying for you or anyway I can help lighten your load?

It means you go first, and share maybe what you are learning in the bible, and How God was working in your life…maybe even share ways you had to put of the old man, maybe lead by being vulnerable and sharing how God is working in your heart to put off any idols you have…and put on loving Christ above all else…

Its always a challenge to put people ahead of yourself…and just like husbands are imperfect leaders, so wives are imperfect followers…and so there may be time it is going to be difficult…and yet husbands are still called to…

III. Show honor to your wife

1 Peter 3:7b and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Whey should husbands show their wives honor…because they perfect respect their husband, because they are always kind and affectionate and initiate intimacy, because they are always supportive and always say things that build up their husband, and do things that show you honor?….now all of those are wonderful and delight things…but that is not why a husband should show his wife honor…IN this text it says He should show her honor primarily ….

Because she is a fellow heir of Grace

She has received grace just like He has…She is an image bearer recreated in Christ…

Those who have trusted Jesus work on the cross and trusted that God raised Him from the dead…well believers have been transferred from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of His beloved son…and we are not just citizens of a new kingdom…but we are heirs of that kingdom…God is our portion our inheritance and men and women are going to rule with Him…Romans says it like that…

1. Romans 8:16–17 -¹⁶ The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, ¹⁷ and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.

Your wife is a co-heir of God…you need to show her honor…and you are a co-heir of God…and your wife needs to show you honor…and both of you need to fulfill your biblical roles…even when doing so leads to suffering or even when you are suffering and you need to trust the Lord in continuing to walk as a godly husband when it is hard.

Men I want to end on really encouraging note…but before we get there, we need to highlight one of the most sobering passages in the bible for men…

We need to show our wives honor, and listen to them, and live with them in an understanding way…recognizing they are in a weak position due to our imperfect fulfillment of our roles…and we need to be men of understanding …..so that…

So that your prayers will not be hindered

God says this is so important…that if you do not listen to your wife…you do not live with her in an understanding way…you do not consider that she is in a weak position under your leadership…

…if you do no listen to your wife…than God says He will not listen to you….your prayers will hit the ceiling…your prayers will be hindered…your prayers will not reach him…he will not honor your requests…because you will not honor the requests of your wife…

That is serious….

Men, one of the things you can do today to apply this and take this seriously is set aside time to day to talk with your wife.. and ask for honest helpful feedback…ask…am I easy to approach and voice concerns when you feel like you are in a weak position…

Do you feel like we set aside time where I can learn about you about your day, about your concerns…what are some ways I can draw you out better so I can learn to lead and serve you better.

Am I leading in addressing the kids behavior biblically so it does not all fall on you…do you see evidence of me leading spiritually….

Then men…you listen humbly, you seek to become a man of understanding, and you seek to make a list of ways you can grow and seek to take one step this week…one small step…and then next week one more step…

Wives…this is not a time to unload…this is a time to pick a few things that you can speak about in an edifying way…and you could even then ask…is there anything I can be doing to support your leadership more at home…are there anyways I can seek to show you honor as a co-heir of grace that would help you fulfill your role….

The reality is when a husband and wife function like this not only does God hear their prayers…but God blesses their efforts as they seek to follow the example of Christ and entrust themselves to the one who judges righteously…

When a husband and wife seek to die to sin and put on righteousness, the home will be marked with grace…it will overflow with grace as each person seeing themselves and the other person as a Co-heir of grace…

That grace then can motivate both a husband and a wife…to follow the shepherd and guardian of their soul.

As we will see next week…the result of fulfilling these biblical roles is blessing…Gods richest blessing as both husband and wife follow Christ and seek to be zealous in doing good to each other for the glory of God…