3 ways husbands fulfill their role, even through difficulty
I. Embrace the Responsibility to Lead
A. Follow Christ’s example
1 Peter 2:21 - For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps…
Ephesians 5:23-25 - For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…
B. Function under authority
1 Peter 2:13 - Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority…
1 Corinthians 11:3 - But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.
C. Be a servant leader
Matthew 20:25-28 - But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
II. Grow as a Man of Understanding
1 Peter 3:7a - You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman…
A. Understand the challenges of the wife’s role
B. Understand the challenges of the husband’s role
III. Show Honor to Your Wife
1 Peter 3:7b - …and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
A. Because she is a fellow heir of grace
B. So that your prayers will not be hindered
We’re continuing through our annual series: Hope for Everyday Life
The obvious implication of this title is the practicality of the books we will be studying
In other words, we recognize two things:
1) if we want hope in the midst of a fallen world that’s fresh outta it, we know where we can get it—the God of all hope
And where has He carefully spelled out this hope for us today? – in His WORD
2) the second thing we recognize is that the hope He provides in His word is immensely practical – it meets us precisely where we’re at in life
This has been seen in our current walk through 1 Peter as we look for Hope in Everyday Suffering
Last week, Pastor Viars walked through the first 6 verses of chapter 3, where Peter provides this practical help for wives
One of the dominant themes of this section in 1 Peter, beginning halfway into chapter 2, is the concept of submission
That section began with a call directed towards every man, woman, and child to submit to the governing authorities in life and work
The example Peter set before was Christ Himself and His unmatched submission to the Father for our sake – more on this later
We then arrived at the charge for women to be submissive to their own husbands, allowing their adornment to be primarily internal rather than focusing on the external
This week is for the husbands – please turn to 1 Peter 3:7 as we discuss Hope for Husbands in suffering (pg. 181)
And while this week takes a specific look at husbands, I promise that there’s application for each one of us
First, according to the Pew Research Center, the majority of evangelical protestants will end up marrying (77%)
That means roughly 38% of folks in this room will fall into the category of “husband” at some point in their life
But, as was mentioned last week, each of us needs to have these truths residing in our hearts for the sake of “fulfilling the law of Christ,” according to Galatians 6:
Galatians 6:1-2 – Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.
Husbands will struggle in your church family, and you’re called by Christ to help that man, and the only qualifier for the helper is that they must be someone following after Christ
Paul gave some of the most thorough treatment on marriage – a man who was, himself, unmarried
In other words, though Peter is talking to the husbands, each of us is paying attention
Last week, Pastor Viars laid a helpful foundation before expounding on the passage prior to ours this morning
He did so by walking through the principles that inform our preaching and Bible interpretation here at Faith Church (*explain): [Kari – please include this “theological pyramid” model from last week]
I mentioned before that this book – 1 Peter – provides practical hope in the midst of suffering and trials that are inherent in a sin-cursed world
Two questions flow from this:
1) is this the model that the world follows? (*explain)
2) are we, as Christians, affected by the world’s impeding model(s)?
The honest answer to that question is a resounding “yes” – sometimes in ways that we don’t readily perceive
But that’s because the world is functioning out of an entirely different foundation and structure of ontological interpretation than we find ourselves in
The world grounds their authority on culture (their canon), as interpreted by their own subjective perception (their hermeneutic), arbitrated by an ever-shifting set of rules (their exegesis), informed by broad principles imposed on all of culture (their BT), segmented into “groups”, expediently determined by whatever contributes to the preexisting narrative (their ST), superimposed over reality and applied to the individual (their PT) [Kari – please insert this new “worldly pyramid” model into the PowerPoint]:
This worldly structure has an impact on each of us, whether we believe it or not, because we all exist within this culture and engage with it to varying degrees – sometimes volitionally, other times unavoidably
This morning, The Word of God is taking to husbands
Ask someone who’s functioning exclusively out of the world’s system: “what is a husband, and what are the expectations of this title?”
How do you think they’d respond?
First, you may need to ask them “what is a man?” or “what is a woman?” or “what is marriage” for that matter…
And let me tell you – there are all sorts of answers out there
Brothers and sisters – should we be confused about these issues?
NO!!
Because we’re standing firm on the solid Rock of Christ and His unchanging Word!
What am I getting at with all of this?
When you feel that twinge (or RAGE) of disagreement when we read challenging passages in God’s Word (like we did last week and will this week) – that’s the world’s principles at war with God’s unchanging kingdom – and it’s a battle taking place in your own heart
Let’s get washed with the Word, my friends – amen??
I’ll provide a bit of a running start into our passage by reviewing what we went over last week…
*read 1 Peter 3:1-7
As we discuss Hope for Husbands in Suffering, let’s take a look at 3 ways husbands fulfill their role, even through difficulty
And I would suggest that a lot of that difficulty stems from living within a world that has a contravening system of perceiving reality and applying so-called “truth”
But which system are we going to be functioning out of, brothers and sisters?
Looking to God and his Word, we see that husbands are to…
I. Embrace the responsibility to lead
The context of this passage is vital, as we’ve mentioned before
Curiously, this section begins in the same manner as the wive’s by connecting it to the broader discussion
We know this because he begins with: “You husbands in the same way…”
This charge is a call back to the context of the larger passage – exemplified perfectly by Christ…
A. Follow Christ’s Example
We have the perfect model of what it means to be a husband – Peter pointed Him out in chapter 2…
1 Peter 2:21 -21 For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps,
Just as the wives are able to follow the model of Christ through His submission to the Father, so a husband is to emulate his Savior by sacrificially loving and serving his wife
Our single friend, Paul, draws this connection more succinctly in Ephesians 5…
Ephesians 5:23–25 -23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
How did Christ lead His bride?
The broad answer is by giving Himself up for her, but let me suggest to you that the implications of this specific question bear out limitless application for the husband: regardless of his context
The gospel ought to permeate through your marriage – starting with the “head”
In other words, the husband will set the tone for the family – and the tune he’s humming must be the gospel of Jesus Christ
“how does Christ want me to lead my wife/family” must be a question applied to all of life’s circumstances
Because we’re all beholden to someone, and husbands are no exception – we, too, need to…
B. Function under authority
This gets back to our dependency on the firm foundation of God and His Word—remember our proper theological pyramid?
Because if we’re going off of another system, we will certainly make up our own structure of authority – one that’s based on our subjective perception of reality
But what did God call us to in chapter 2…
1 Peter 2:13 -13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority,
Broadly speaking, God is the One who sets us in our rightful place of submission and responsibility
And everyone (whether they accept it or not), is beholden to His authority—Psalm 2 talks about those who try, in vain, to rage against His created order
But more specifically, each of us is subject to the institutions placed over us – meaning, husbands are to rightly function as submissive citizens of their governing authorities
Let me state it as plainly as I can: Submission is modeled by the head of the house – it’s either done so well, or poorly…
I was poorly modeling submission and it was having a devastating affect on my wife
Husbands: is your current submission to the authorities placed over you modeling this concept well, or poorly?
Do you come home and gripe about your boss, or do you model to your wife what it looks like to submit to unruly or unjust authority
Because guess what?? You too, tend to be unjust or unruly – and she’s still called to submit to you in those times (presuming you aren’t leading her into sin)
Not only are the eyes of your wife upon you – very often there are smaller sets of eyes on you…
One of the timeless struggles that parents face is the autonomous nature of children
In other words, while we are called to raise, discipline, train, and disciple them, we are limited in our control over their response
Sometimes children rebel – and sometimes they do it in inexplicable and egregious manners – another symptom of the fall
But the hard truth is: sometimes, their rebellion makes good sense…
I remember observing a counseling case where a husband and wife were struggling with one of their younger children: he was acting out in overt rebellion
What do you suppose the counselor discovered about the husband?
He was overbearing in the household and unsubmissive towards authorities
In other words, this was learned behavior: “if dad doesn’t like the way things are being led, dad takes matters into his own hands”
Should he find it surprising that his son was doing the same?
While this certainly doesn’t explain all instances of rebellion, it’s worth asking the question: how am I doing at submission to authority?
The health of my family may depend on the answer to this question, because this follows a pre-ordained order of submission…
1 Corinthians 11:3 -3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.
God, in His infinite wisdom, has set the man as the leader over his household
Where this biblical truth gets neglected or actively opposed, chaos ensues
Our culture and it’s worldly system provide ample fodder for that fire
But Biblical theology, as well as our passage, would implore the husband to not only LEAD, but to…
C. Be a Servant Leader
Husbands – let me reiterate:
The question is not are you leading your home, but rather HOW are you leading your home (*repeat slowly)
Because though the world’s structure may rage against reality in an attempt to create its own system and structure, “this is my Father’s world”
And any attempt to set up a system against His predetermined order, finds itself confronted with that obnoxious concept we call “reality”
And “my truth” versus cold-hard reality, will always lose in the end
So back to the question: HOW are you leading your family?
Men, we fail in two areas:
1) we can be passive and
2) we can be harsh
To simplify, let’s call it being an “Adam” or being a “Nabal” (*explain correlation)
Staring with the passive husband, let’s look to Adam
Most of us know the story, but Adam was present with his wife when she engaged in conversation with Satan and ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil
But remember – God didn’t perceive Eve as the leader, though the dialogue was limited exclusively to her and Satan
When He confronts them, He asks an incredibly revealing question:
Genesis 3:9 – Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?”
Passive husband, God is asking the same question of you today – where are you?
Are you present with your family – physically when that is an option?
Are you engaged with your wife and children when you’re with them, or distracted and checked out?
Are you actively leading them towards righteousness (as evidenced by how often you wash them in the Word and pray with them), or are you passively allowing the world’s system to determine their foundation?
There is so much application I would love to get into here, but time won’t allow it…
Instead, let’s move on to the harsh husband
This is exemplified in Scripture by a man named Nabal
The narrative in its entirety is found in 1 Samuel 25, but here is the description of the man:
1 Samuel 25:2-3 – Now there was a man in Maon whose business was in Carmel; and the man was very rich, and he had three thousand sheep and a thousand goats. And it came about while he was shearing his sheep in Carmel (now the man’s name was Nabal, and his wife’s name was Abigail. And the woman was intelligent and beautiful in appearance, but the man was harsh and evil in his dealings…
In his harshness, he put himself in a situation where David and his mighty men were on the cusp of annihilating Nabal and all the males in his household
But he’s secretly spared by his wife, Abigail, who goes out to meet David and his men as they approach – she says to him…
1 Samuel 25:25a – Please do not let my lord pay attention to this worthless man, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name and folly is with him;
In Hebrew, “Nabal” literally means “fool”
And what happens to this fool?
1 Samuel 25:37-38 – But in the morning, when the wine had gone out of Nabal, his wife told him these things, and his heart died within him so that he became as a stone. About ten days later, the Lord struck Nabal and he died.
Husbands, when we’re overbearing, we play the FOOL and God intervenes on behalf of those who were in our care
How do I know if I’m the overbearing husband?
Typically, folly and judgment will follow you around
What’s more, you’re accurately scorned by those who are in your care: whether its by your wife or your children
As we’ll see later in our passage, God deals directly with the harsh and overbearing husband – more on him later
But what’s the balance?
Husbands: each of us have a tendency towards one or the other (Adam and Nabal), but I would argue that we find ourselves in either ditch on different days and in different seasons
SINCE we are called to lead, HOW are we to lead?
Look no further than to whom? (JESUS)…
Matthew 20:25–28 -25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. 26 “It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, 27 and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
Jesus sets Himself as the example, showing that the God of the universe came to SERVE rather than BE served
How much more should we selflessly and sacrificially serve our family, rather than passively allow the system of the world to overtake our family (Adam) or harshly lead our family into all sorts of folly (Nabal)
Just as Christ led the church, so we are to lead our family
And jolting right back into the Book of Genesis – do you know how God described Eve in relation to Adam?
Not just his wife, but his helper
And husbands, let me give you one opportunity to seize this coveted help: ask your dear wife:
“Do I tend to be an Adam, or a Nabal?”
Or you can even get more specific: “what situations do I tend to be more like Adam, and in what situations do I act more like Nabal?
This will help you grow in your Christlike leadership of your family
The second way our text compels us to fulfill our role is by…
II. Grow as a man of understanding
What does it mean if I understand something?
What’s implied? I know it!
I know how that thing functions
I know unique qualities and characteristics that will set it apart from others
Husbands, do you understand your wife? Do you know her, as God’s word is calling us to know her?
1 Peter 3:7a -7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman;
Now when I read that passage, by a show of hands, how many of you subconsciously swallowed when I got to that last line (I’m kidding, don’t raise your hand)…
Husbands, part of understanding our wives is…
A. Understand the challenges of the wife’s role
Her position – both created and circumstantial – is one of relative vulnerability
The question becomes, what does Peter mean when he says that we are to: “live with [our] wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman”?
Every commentary I looked at rightly specified that the weakness referred to here has nothing to do with intellectual or spiritual weakness
If you don’t believe me, read 1 Samuel 25 in its entirety – or you can use my own marriage as an example of an intellectually and spiritually superior wife
Rather, the commentators suggest, as I would today, that this weakness is inherent in their physical and structural position
While exceptions exist, God created men physically stronger and bigger than women
Additionally, he placed her under her husband’s leadership – a position of vulnerability
Why would knowing this be necessary for “living with your wives in an understanding way”?
Because our fallen tendency will be towards physical intimidation to get our way, and leveraging our position of leadership towards “lording it over them” as Jesus warns
If we understand the unique nature of her position, it allows us to compassionately and gently lead her by taking Jesus’ example of servant leadership and walking that out in our marriage
Now, I use my strength to love my wife sacrificially
I use size to protect my wife and children
I use my leadership to serve my wife and family
And I grow in understanding how to best do this – specifically with the wife God has given me (and it will be different from marriage to marriage)
This is a part of…
B. Understand the challenges of the husband’s role
Peter wouldn’t have urged the man to live in an understanding way if it was already natural for him to do so (*repeat)
Our tendency is towards complacency – the same applies towards being a learner of my wife
I’ll be the first to stand here and say – I’m awful at this
But by God’s grace, I’m a little less awful than I was a decade ago
And by God’s further grace, I’ll be a little less awful at this in the decades to come
But it takes active and concerted effort towards learning your wife
(*Doc Smith’s example – able to order her exactly what Leona wanted from menu, though she was non-verbal)
Men – our challenge is towards relational complacency
Actively be a learner of your wife:
Know her strengths & how to fan those into a hotter flame, know her weaknesses & how to minister biblically and gently to her when struggling, know her likes, dislikes, etc
KNOW your wife
Which leads to our third and final charge for husbands out of 1 Peter 3:7…
III. Show honor to your wife
This is how our passage closes
1 Peter 3:7b and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
God’s word provides two reasons why the husband must show honor to this wife that He is sacrificially leading and actively learning
The first reason is…
A. Because she is a fellow heir of Grace
This is a very necessary clause, coming off the heels of the first half of the passage
In calling her “someone weaker”, that could lead to all sorts of improper conclusions – the most egregious of them being spiritual misunderstandings
In other words, husbands could get it in their heads that they are varsity Christians and wives are stuck playing JV
But Peter makes it clear – if you fail to show honor to your wife, you’re messing with a fellow heir of grace
What a dynamic statement!!
What’s he conjuring up in the mind? The concept of GRACE
It’s a staunch reminder of the forgiveness the husband has received, as paid for on the cross – it’s him saying, “remember your despicable sin that Jesus had to die for? Why don’t you show an INFINITESIMAL amount of grace towards your dear wife”
This is all assuming you have gone to Christ for forgiveness in the first place – after all, you can’t give what you don’t have
(*gospel – can’t lead in the Word if it’s not resident in your heart | can’t love like Christ if He’s not Lord | can’t give grace if you haven’t received it)
And with the wife existing as a fellow heir of grace, she is an equal asset to the health of the marriage and family – equally as vital and essential
Warren Wiersbe says it like this:
The husband must be the “thermostat” in the home, setting the emotional and spiritual temperature. The wife often is the “thermometer,” letting him know what that temperature is! – Wiersbe, W. W. The Bible Exposition Commentary. 410–11
(*explain)
So the first reason the husband is to show honor towards his wife is based on her equal footing at the cross
The second reason is a bit more foreboding: we are to show honor…
B. So that your prayers will not be hindered
God turns the skies to iron when a man is mistreating his wife
He takes this so seriously, that He singles this out as an act that effects our relationship with Him
Hear God the Father saying: “why don’t you come back after you make things right with my daughter…”
Have you ever been on the wrong side of a protective father?
It’s bad if you’re mistreating his son – it’s a billion times worse if you’re mistreating his daughter
Husbands – this isn’t a trivial game – our relationship with Christ depends on how we respond to this charge from God’s Word
You may have wondered this when we read our passage: Why did God provide 6 verses for the wife and only 1 verse for us husbands?
Commentators believe the wife get’s more for the purpose of encouragement
Men get more of a punchy: “don’t mess this up…”
But what’s the opposite of our prayers being hindered?
A deep and abiding relationship with Christ, which flows into a flourishing and potent marriage, which bears life-giving fruit to a desperately sick and gauntly emaciated culture
So husbands:
1) Sacrificially lead your wife, as Christ lovingly led His bride
2) Grow in knowing your wife, and
3) Show her honor as a coheir of grace
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