How to Handle a Divisive Person

Welcome back and welcome to summer. It has been a joy to spend the first months of the year walking through Paul’s Letter to the church at Philippi together as the start of our annual theme, Growing in Gospel Gratitude. Our prayer has been that as we studied the practical nature of how God calls us to respond in any circumstance, we would grow in joy, just as Paul demonstrated a content heart even while in prison.

We want to continue that practical study and application for our lives in our summer series as we spend the coming weeks looking at what God’s Word teaches us in regards to Handling Criticism

Our first series on Philippians gave us so many positive steps resulting in thankfulness for the gospel and we want to hold onto that…we want to continue growing in gospel gratitude.

• Even through criticism….

• What is the common phrase…everyone’s a comedian…or everyone’s a critic…

Last week we discussed the Critics Heart…and next week we will talk about the heart of rebellion that drives criticism….and leads to great conflict…

The truth is criticism and conflict go hand and glove….When I think about conflict and fighting, I often think of military history and military strategies…

I love learning about military history and strategy…Two military leaders you may know is Napoleon Bonaparte and Stonewall Jackson…

• One of the key reasons Stonewall Jackson (who was a revered confederate general in the civil war) was so successful is his army was fast and could constantly reposition and he would usually fight smaller sections of the union army and never let them combine forces and fight him

• Napoleon, in his heyday was getting so strong that the English formed a coalition of forces to limit his power…However even when Napoleon fought a force that was equal to his, his organization and clever deception and speed of his army would be able to divide a larger force and defeat small portions of it at a time and then ultimately defeat the whole force.

• Both of these men could divide and conquer….

Now I am not a confederate general nor a French military dictator...but I do use this strategy when cleaning out a garage….a messy garage…you have to pick one corner and just go to work…

The actual term divide and conquer actual comes from a Latin phrase that talks about divide and rule...and one of that big strategies is to actually not just fight a smaller force with the military…but to diplomatically get people to fight themselves…that weakens people and makes them easier to control or fight.

In the military divide and conquer or defeat in detail…is all about troop movement, positioning, timing and having really good intel so you can separate and overwhelm a smaller force

…often in interpersonal relationships…well the main tool of dividing people is by being critical of others, looking down on others, speaking badly of others…and dividing people away from each other, so that you can more easily manipulate people and get what you want.

You see all of this division, this conflict is all driven by what people want…just as James says…

James 4:1-2a - What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is the source not your pleasures that wage war in your body’s parts? You lust and do not have, so you commit murder. And you are envious and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.

Our desires can lead to divisiveness and this can divide friendships, families and even churches…all of that weakens us from accomplishing our mission of sharing the good news of Jesus Christ.

So today we are going to continue our series by talking about How to Handle a Divisive Person

Please turn in your bibles to Romans 16:17-27…That is on page 129 in the back section of the bible under the seat in front of you.

4 practical responses when facing divisiveness

The first is that we must be aware, we must…

I. Watch Out for the Divisive Person

Romans 16:17 - Now I urge you, brothers and sisters, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned…

Because the nature of man is sinful, and even believer need to put off the old man...our old sin nature…and because of the influence of a sinful world…

A. Expect to encounter divisive people inside and outside the church

This was true at the church of Corinth…

1 Corinthians 11:18-19 - For, in the first place, when you come together as a church, I hear that divisions exist among you; and in part I believe it. For there also have to be factions among you, so that those who are approved may become evident among you.

It is interesting that sometimes the factions reveal those who truly love the Lord. In Corinth, the division was not good…but it was revealing, those who were seeking to follow the Lord were made evident.

2 Timothy 3:1-5 - But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these.

People will be lovers of self…and lovers of a whole lot of other things beside Jesus…and there will be a spirit of ungratefulness, rather than indications of Gospel Gratitude.

There will be…

B. Warning signs

One of which is…

1. False teaching (16:17b)

Romans 16:17b - …contrary to the teaching which you learned…

This is the end of the book of Romans…one of the most extensive explanation of the Gospel,,,and how everyone is under sin, and everyone is in need of the cross of Christ.

Those who are moral, immoral, religious…all need to place their faith, not in works, but in Christ…

False teachers are going to try to divide the church body…There are religious teachers that are in view here…teachers can be very divisive when it serves their goals to get followers….The idea is a teacher can scoop off some students, who are enticed by their teaching in a certain area…that is not focused on the teaching of the Gospel of Jesus Christ…and then those students can support that teacher and allow that teacher to live in the lap of luxury…they don’t need the whole church body…they just need some of them…

Part of divisiveness is a….

2. Self-serving motivation

Romans 16:18a - For such people are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites…

This was emphasized in understanding the critic’s heart….where we saw in Num 11:4..The Rabble who were among them had greedy desires…

It is fascinating how we so often make decision based on our bellies…what tastes good to us…what brings us pleasure and satisfaction…divisive people are governed by their desires, their wants…what is important to them, rather than what is important to the Lord, what the Lord wants.

Another helpful indicator is…

3. Smooth talk and flattery

Romans 16:18b - and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting.

When someone just wants to butter you up and tell you how great you are…often it is wise to look for the hidden agenda…true friends speak the truth in love and want to become more like Christ…True friends will warn you when you are being prideful or going down a path of destruction…true friends will stab you in the front…

Divisive people want to get on your side, or get you on their side and then separate you from other people and talk about how bad other people are.

It is really hard to be discerning when people are telling you lots of nice things, but unity comes not from flattery but from speaking the truth in love.

The truth is not really in vogue right now…but everyone feeling good and feeling accepted are very much in focus…and so it can be easy to deceive people by making them feel accepted and just telling them what they want to hear…

That is why sound doctrine is what is most important, and not just a feel good message everyone can feel comfortable with …but rest assured we must be on guard for…

2 Timothy 4:3 - For the time will come when they will not tolerate sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance with their own desires.

Not teachers who teach what God desires…but teachers who teach the people what they already want…and then you can divide people and control people based on their desires, instead of finding unity in the body of Christ.

The process moves from flattery to creating drama…

4. Stirs up conflict

Proverbs 16:27-30 - A worthless person digs up evil, while his words are like scorching fire. A perverse person spreads strife, and a slanderer separates close friends. A person of violence entices his neighbor and leads him in a way that is not good. He who winks his eyes does so to devise perverse things; he who compresses his lips brings evil to pass.

If you have every said…do you know what so and so said about you…you have dipped your toe into divisiveness…if you spend your time talking about how someone has wronged you, or did something you did not like…you are swimming in the deep end of trying to get other people to move away from the person you are talking about and move closer to you so that you can control them.

We just have to won that at times our sinful hearts are enticed by drama…we will dig up evil about others and use it to our advantage…

We just got a new puppy, and there is not much for destructive than a bored puppy…sometimes people can get bored, or not happy with what is going on in their life, and so they spread strive…as they get a sort of perverted pleasure…sort of like creating their own little reality TV show right in front of them…it usually leads to some sort of conflict between friends.

The proverb talks about the one who winks the eye….the idea here is you know if you are going to pull someone’s leg, you sort of wonk to the other people that you are just messing with the person…you are tricking them in a playful way.

Well in the ancient world winking of the eye was a marker of deception and manipulation. Someone who is scheming something…in fact we even see that where people won’t look you in the eye or you look at them and they are just blinking like windshield wipers in a rain storm…

We all struggle with being tempted to share unhelpful info with others..we all struggle just wanting to vent and not solve problems biblically…you may not be a false teacher trying to entice people to be our patron supporters, but we all can drift into sharing information that does not help you view another person well..

A good question to ask is…How does that person knowing this info help them love Jesus more…often the answer is it doesn’t…and we need to guard our own hearts from being divisive as well as not be easy prey and easily manipulated to view other people around us in a way that does not honor the Lord.

See the second practical response to divisiveness is to…

II. Come Under God’s Authority

We do that when we…

A. Seek wisdom and avoid evil (16:19b)

Romans 16:19 - I want you to be wise in what is good, and innocent in what is evil.

Being wise in what is good…wanting to constantly learn more about Christ and what it looks like to honor Him and become more like Christ…

Rather than know more and more gossip, or more and more inappropriate jokes, or more and more sinful sexual ways to get pleasure…

A wise person will always want to learn more about goodness, righteousness, that which pleases God…

A wise person asks themselves. Is what I am about to talk about going to lead to division or lead people to be in a better position to become more like Christ…

A Wise person wants to obey and submit their thoughts and words and actions to Jesus because they see the benefit and they trust the Lord…They recognize His good authority and How He is in Control and they don’t then try to control other people by being divisive in order to get what they want.

So we are called to instead…

B. Choose faithful obedience (16:19b)

Romans 16:19 - For the report of your obedience has reached everyone; therefore I am rejoicing over you

Not giving in to the cultural pressure, to someone who is stirring up strive or even flattering you…but really saying, my Master is the Lord Jesus Christ, and He is the one I am going to obey…and I am not going to be enticed by a false teacher or a divisive person is really important.

I also think this does not mean we never divide over anything or we only and always seek unity…I think when there is something that does not honor our Lord that is clearly against scripture, we simply must obey the Lord rather than men.

I was really encouraged by the 5 Tampa Bay Rays baseball players who on Saturday declined to wear Pride themed logos and branding because they did not want to encourage a lifestyle that is inconsistent with their belief in Jesus. They were respectful, but they took a stand.

They are taking a stand for what will honor the Lord, and they may be singled out for it…but we want to make sure we are not being divided on issues that are not about Christ…We are to be known, as our identity as those who are disciples of Christ and the way we love each other and are not easily divided is key…Jesus said…

John 13:35 - By this all people will know that you are My disciples: if you have love for one another.

We ultimately want to…

III. Respond in Love

Matthew 5:43-44 - You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

We want to make sure our stance is not one of sinful anger…but of love for our enemies, even those who persecute us…

However, that does not mean we don’t

A. Speak truth in love (Eph 4:25)

Ephesians 4:25 - Therefore, ridding yourselves of falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, because we are parts of one another.

If someone is gossiping or grumbling, or complaining…it is right and good to speak the truth in love.

If something is simply not true, or something goes against what the bible teachers, it is right and good to bring that up, even if there is a bit of division…so that we can prioritize what the bible says, not just what everyone wants.

We find unity not in the lack of conflict…but in fighting together for Christ to be exalted.

So we are not to be divisive and fight each other, but rather right the sin and pride of selfish desires that characterize false teachers and divisive people.

However, even though we are to fight...we…

B. Do not repay evil for evil

Romans 12:17-21 - Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. “BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

We are called to stand for the truth…but not to seek vengeance...I love how verse 20 says The God of peace will soon crush Stan under your feet.

I love how there is a focus on the God of peace, going to war…our God does not sit back and ignore evil, ignore falsehood, and ignore divisive people….The God of peace is going to crush Satan…

Satan wants to divide and devour people…The best way to for a prey animal to get a sheep…is to separate them from the flock and get them on their own so they are more vulnerable…

When people gossip, complain, and talk badly about other people…it tends to isolate you and isolate the person you talk about…and Satan delights how everyone is more vulnerable…to pridefully just relying on themselves rather than the body of Christ.

Satan wants people to exalt themselves over one another…instead of coming together at the foot of the cross and all of us admitting our great sin against God and marveling in His great Gospel…

The good news is God is going to crush Satan…and because of that we want to address divisive people properly for the sake of the flock and ultimacy the glory of God.

So we want to recognize divisiveness, we want to choose to obey God and recognize God’s authority and not be easily divided or easily manipulated…and we want to speak the truth in love and address problems and divisiveness…but ultimately hat last practical response is…

IV. When Appropriate – Flee the Divisive Person

Romans 16:17b - …and turn away from them.

The bible says to not even associate with a person who gossips…if someone is being divisive…it is loving to humble speak the truth in love and call them to repent…but if a person simply will not stop being divisive…than ironically you need to divide yourself from the person who is bringing about division.

All the while knowing the the Grace f our Lord Jesus is with you…so even though it may seem lonely to not spend time with a person who honors the Lord…you trust that God will be with you and he will allow you to grow closer to people who truly love the Lord.

And the listing of people Paul ends his letter with…affirms again the real life people who are seeking to exalt the gospel together…

Lets pray that we would function in that same way…as we are a people marked by Gospel Gratitude and not divisive criticism.