The Meaning and Purpose of the Marriage Covenant

Welcome to our official Fall Kickoff Sunday. If you have school-age children or serve in education, we hope your year is off to a great start.

• In some ways, our church year begins now.

• We hope you had a delightful summer full of fun, family relationship building, and time to especially reflect on your relationship with Jesus.

Our annual theme is Building on Our Heritage. Ephesians is our primary study for the year. I love how deep the book is.

• It began talking about who we are in Christ with rich terminology like chosen, adopted, redeemed, and forgiven.

• It provided illustrations of prayer where we ask God to help know him more and to be strengthened in our inner man with the same power that raised Jesus from the dead.

• Then we focused on our character as an individual. Now, our study takes us to marriage and family relationships.

The title of our message is The Meaning and Purpose of the Marriage Covenant. We believe that God created marriage and provided the instructions necessary to enjoy all the blessings he intended it to have.

• Please notice that I did not say, the meaning and purpose of marriage. There is that little word on the end … “Covenant.”

• When I officiate a wedding, I ask the groom and bride if they would like to use traditional vows or whether they would like to write their own. It is a significant decision. What they vow is much more important than what color the flowers are or what food will be available.

• Vows, oaths, and covenants are serious words. In fact, I rarely use them outside a marriage or church context.

When we vow for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, do we really mean it? Are those words meaningful and significant or just a box we need to check?

• I don’t want to be rude to the couples when I officiate a wedding, but I tell them that I will care a little about the ceremony, but I care a lot about what happens in the 50 years after the ceremony.

• Sadly, there are some who really mean that I will keep my vows and covenant if we are richer, healthy, and experiencing “for better.”

I think you would agree that keeping our vows made before God and witnesses is important.

• I think this passage also explains that this covenant serves as motivation for why wives live in a marriage as they do and husbands as they do?

It is not difficult to argue that what we find in Ephesians 5:31-32 is foundational to accomplishing what 5:22-30 tell us to do.

With that in mind, please turn in your Bibles to Ephesians 5:22. That is on page ______ of the back section of the Bible under the chair in front of you.

I would like us to consider 3 Actions we must take to fulfill our marriage covenant and purpose. Please follow along as I read Ephesians 5:22-33. This is the Word of the Lord. [Read the text] Our time this morning will be focused entirely on vv. 31-32.

I. Understand that your Covenant established a new family unit

Ephesians 5:31 & Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

Ephesians 5:31 is a direct quotation of Genesis 2:24. When we go back to Genesis 2:18-24 we remember that God gave Adam the job of naming the animals.

• After he finished, he realized that no other part of God’s creation was like him.

• Yes, we are all living beings, but Adam was made in God’s image.

• God also created Eve in his image.

• God provided the perfect companion for both.

Neither Adam nor Eve could fulfill the commands to multiply and fill the earth with God’s image bearers alone nor could they fulfill that command with any other part of God’s creation.

Companionship, procreating, fulfilling God’s command established the reason for marriage in Genesis 2.

God wanted all this done through a covenant relationship. God’s plan is not just amazing; it is good. That involves some specific actions.

Leaving one’s family of origin

Ephesians 5:31 & Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother…

A few years ago I spent significant time pondering why God told the man he had to leave his parents. It seemed to go against normal experience.

• Young husbands complained more often than young wives that their spouse was consulting their dads.

• Initially, it was like “Lord, did you get this backwards? A woman shall leave…”

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.

• First, men often built their house onto their parent’s home. The wedding involved going to her home to get her and bring her back with him. Thus, she was already leaving by virtue of the marriage itself.

• Second, a wife’s father can exert influence on his daughter, but rarely can he expect his son-in-law to obey his orders. At some point, young lions are not particularly interested in what some older lion wants to say.

• Third, if the man does not “leave” his parents, then his father could easily run the family. Sometimes it is easier to ignore your father-in-law than it is the man who raised you.

This leaving is tempered by the command to honor your parents. But the overall direction is clear.

• A marriage covenant creates a new family unit. We make the parents a secondary relationship to the primary relationship of our spouse. Even children, should the Lord bless us with them, take second place behind our spouse.

• The man must lead and love as we read and will study more carefully in a later week.

• The woman must submit and respect as we will also study more carefully later.

God in his infinite wisdom designed a way for Adam and Eve to fulfill the commands to populate the earth with God’s image bearers. He did so through means of a covenant establishing a new family unit.

Cleaving together as husband and wife

Ephesians 5:31 & Genesis 2:24 … and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

Now that we established the covenant relationship through the exchanging of vows, we have a new family unit. We often symbolize that covenant with a ring.

• It is supposed to be a reminder to the one wearing it and to others that we are in covenant with another person.

• Our loyalties and affections belong to one person.

Then, and only then, it is appropriate for the sexual relationship to begin. Before that covenant is established, we have covenant type activity without the actual covenant in place.

• Paul wrote in the NT that sins done outside the body were different than sexual sin because it unites two people as one flesh.

• All sin is forgivable, but the consequences can be different.

But everyone knows that there is more to being joined together than just a sexual relationship. That is why we use another word to try to picture the marriage relationship over time.

Weaving your lives together through time

Ephesians 5:31 & Genesis 2:24 they shall become one flesh.

I have some old notes, not sure how far they go back, but at least to the days of Pastor Goode.

• I never met him so the stories of his personality and his southern charm do not connect well with me because I had no personal experience with him.

• But I can tell from some of his notes, that he wanted to clearly and practically teach the Word.

• He wanted everyone who attended Faith to leave on Sunday knowing what to do on Tuesday.

His word on this passage is one example. Let me set this up with a little story. Have you noticed that some things that have been joined together so long that they are difficult to get apart?

• In college I had to do an exhaust repair on my vehicle. I was going to replace all the piping from the catalytic converter to the tail pipe including the muffler of course. I bought the parts, and the job was not overly complicated. I had to loosen about 10 bolts, take the pipes apart, adjust the hanging devices, install the new pipes and re-bolt it back together. No problem, right?

• Except one bolt broke. I did not have fancy tools. The solution was to take a hacksaw and cut the bolt … under the car … where I could only move the blade an inch or two at a time.

• What should have taken an hour or so (and would have had a bolt not broke) took much longer.

I could not get that bolt loose because it was practically welded to another part. Isn’t that a picture of marriage?

• Where through time and trial we become one so that attempting to separate us breaks us.

Weaving your life together … being joined as one flesh … suggests engaging in physical, emotional, mental and spiritual activity that promotes unity and oneness … unity and oneness. Here are a few specific examples for how to do that:

• Are you making time to talk? It is difficult to build your covenant and be welded together if all you do it handle administrative details.

• Do you make financial decisions in the light so that you both understand and submit to the direction?

• Do you encourage each other’s spiritual growth through prayer, study, and service?

• Do you confess sin and ask forgiveness? When asked are you quick to forgive?

• Are you willing to talk about uncomfortable subjects, or do you refuse to engage or use anger to end conversations?

• Do you adjust to changing life circumstances? Children grow up, struggle in different areas, your energy level changes. We must adapt and adjust to our constantly changing circumstances.

Ephesians 5 did not quote Genesis 2:25 but it says that Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed.

• If nothing else that indicates there was safety and security present in the relationship. They did not fear the other person harming or shaming them.

Understanding the covenant encourages you to take very practical steps of leaving, cleaving, and weaving.

• We know that some of you are doing great. Praise the Lord.

• Others of you are doing okay, but your biggest take-away so far is to be more intentional. You are not in trouble, but you could be without attention.

• There might be others who are not doing well. You are stuck and just cannot seem to improve.

• The pastors are available to serve you. Our Monday counseling is for the community. You can receive counsel at a time convenient for you.

How else are we going to fulfill the meaning and purpose of the marriage covenant?

II. Keep your Covenant for Life

In one of the “my son” speeches of Proverbs, the father instructs the son about women of poor character. He says …

Proverbs 2:16-18 To deliver you from the strange woman, From the adulteress who flatters with her words; 17 That leaves the companion of her youth And forgets the covenant of her God; 18 For her house sinks down to death And her tracks lead to the dead

A relationship with her leads to death. She forgets the covenant of her God. Fascinating language.

• She made a covenant with a man, but God viewed it not simply as a commitment between the two of them. The Lord was a third party.

• When she broke the covenant with her husband, she also forgot that her covenant was also with God.

• Dad wanted to ensure that his son stayed away from this woman.

Just so we don’t view this a strictly a female problem …

Malachi 2:13-16 “This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. 14 “Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. 15 “But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. 16 “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

This time the men were dealing treacherously with the wives of their youth. The situation is intense.

• God rejects their offering and refuses to bless the nation. They know it.

• They weep and beg the Lord for his favor even asking God for further explanation (v. 14).

It was so wicked, so anti-Spirit that the Lord regarded their prayers and offerings as barriers to his favor. This same concept occurs in a few other places in Scripture.

• In Jeremiah God tells Jeremiah not to pray for the nation (Jeremiah 7:16). How crazy is that? But in this case, the Lord did so because the nation was playing games with God. They acted one way when presenting their offerings or praying and then their behavior was a rejection of who he was. God said, just stop. I am tired of their lies.

• Less intensely but still significantly, husbands either dwell with their wives according to knowledge and honor them or their prayers will be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

In each of these cases people broke their covenant to fulfill their own selfish desires. That begs the question, how do you keep your covenant for life?

By Following His instructions

Let’s consider for a moment the kinds of instructions we received just from chapter 4:1 to now. Feel free to scan the chapters as I discuss them. After the beauty of Ephesians 1-3, the Lord says, live worthy of your calling (4:1).

• It is possible to live worthy of our calling or to live unworthy.

• Proverbs 2 and Malachi 2 clearly brought the Lord into the marriage covenant. It is amazing how much control we can exhibit if we have living worthy as a goal.

We must use our gifts and abilities to make a difference in the church (4:16). We must supply whatever it is that God has equipped us to do.

• Marriages are helped when each person is faithfully serving and setting their minds on accomplishing something for Christ.

We must continue to grow into Christlike maturity (4:22-24). While it is true that positionally we are imputed with Christ’s righteousness, we must also grow in our behavior.

• When I briefly discussed Proverbs 2 and Malachi 2, I did not explicitly mention this, but did you notice that the Lord was sick and tired of words? He cared about action.

• He cared that women keep their covenants with their husbands and men keep their covenants with their wives.

• He was not particular interested in pious bologna that did not show itself in specific action.

When I think about living worthy, serving Christ, or actively seek to change my behavior to put on Christlikeness then my marriage benefits. My wife gets a better version, the more I do this.

We studied the 4 rules of communication. Marriages that struggle rarely solve problems. Those who keep current and settle matters quickly enjoy peace (4:26-27).

• Marriages characterized by bitterness or clamor are difficult to endure, but kindness and tenderheartedness provide fruitful ground for growth (4:31-32).

We learned about not devoting our lives to people who want to live against the Lord (5:7) and imitate God instead (5:1).

• Our discussion a couple weeks ago reminded us to be filled with the Spirit (5:18) because it results in speaking truth, singing in our hearts to the Lord, giving thanks, and submitting in the right relationships.

My point is that the Lord provided us with an incredible amount of “marriage” material in Ephesians. What is good for us personally is good for our marriage. If you are single this morning, then there is so much helpful material here.

• You might have the gift of singleness and will serve the Lord faithfully and sacrificially all your days without the marriage covenant. Way to go. We support you in that effort.

• You might desire marriage someday. If so, this is all preparation. The more you apply what 4:1-5:21 already said, the more you are ready to embrace and keep the covenant aspect of marriage.

We can also keep the covenant for life

By Remembering God’s general view of Divorce

Malachi 2:16 says that God hates divorce. Divorce is always the result of sin and the rejection of God’s Word in practical ways in the marriage. He gave several instructions related to divorce.

• There are times that the Lord allows something he hates.

Sometimes, I fear that this “out” tempts people to want it. They do not have grounds for divorce, but life is hard enough that they want one anyway.

• The more they envision a life without their spouse the more annoying their real-life spouse becomes.

God never promised that marriage would be easy or sinless. God never promised that people would change at the rate you want them to change.

• God never promised that just because you call out sin that they will immediately repent and change.

• Sometimes we endure.

James 1:2-4 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

What if the trial is your spouse? Sometimes we live with unmet expectations. Maybe every married couple has lived with unmet expectations.

• Last week, Pastor Folden brought up Hosea. Hosea was not exactly getting a lot out of the marriage except hardship and misery. Yet, as we learned, God still told him to go get her and buy her back.

• Sometimes our marriages are challenging and a source of suffering. Paul Tripp wrote that God did not design marriage to make us happy, but to make us holy.

Church family, let’s guard our hearts. Imagine with me two cases.

• #1. A woman is injured in a car accident. She will never be the same. Her injuries have now made sex practically impossible. Her brain took such a hard hit, that she is far more irritable and angry. The woman you married is not the woman you are living with today. Do you serve her, help her, and make the best of it knowing that you promised in sickness and for worse? Or do you leave her in her greatest time of need?

• If he left, we would be appalled. She gave him her best years and now when she needs him most, he leaves.

• There will be years maybe decades of suffering still to come. Living with her will challenging. Is it Christ honoring?

• You want to run away and do life by yourself because whatever “hard” that is would be a whole lot better than the version of “hard” I have now.

• What now? Psalm 15:4 says “He swears to his own hurt and does not change.”

It would be nice if our spouse would not be a source of suffering. Sometimes they are.

• Rather than run, sometimes living for Jesus requires endurance.

• The kind of endurance that allows you to be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Our actions for fulfilling the marriage covenant and purpose include understanding that our marriage creates a new family unit and keeping our covenant for life. The final one for this message is …

III. Reflect Christ’s Relationship to the Church Through Your Marriage

Ephesians 5:31-32 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh^. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church

In the first point I went back to Genesis 2 and said that “for this reason” is connected to companionship and fulfilling the Lord’s command to fill the earth with his image bearers. What is absolutely delightful is how the Bible uses the Bible. Ephesians will add something amazing.

• This is a shameless plug for my Wednesday night class starting August 28. I am doing 6 weeks on How the Bible Uses the Bible. I think you will enjoy it and it will help you read your Bibles better.

• There are a lot of great classes. In fact, maybe the best lineup we have ever had.

Paul uses this truth of God designing marriage to create a new family unit where the husband and wife leave, cleave, and weave their lives together in the context of 5:30 “we are members of His body.”

The instructions on marriage given are distinctly Christian.

• I am not surprised when the world’s version of marriage has nothing to do with leadership and love for husbands and submission and respect for wives.

• Ephesians 5:22-33 is not a book of the Bible itself. It is built on the foundation of Walk Worthy, Imitate God, and Be filled with the Spirit. These are inherently Christian duties.

• When we counsel marriages from our community who are not yet believers, we evangelize them first. These instructions sound crazy to the person who is not born again. They cannot imagine good leadership. We are for the Christian version of leadership where Christ is our leader.

Why does this marriage relationship work like this? Because we are part of Christ’s body.

• If you have unsaved parents who seem utterly confused by your marriage, then do not be surprised.

Now, let’s come back to the reason for the quotation. The “for this reason” in Ephesians 5:31 is connected to our union with Christ as members of his body. After the quotation, Paul says “this mystery is great.”

The word mystery in the NT normally refers to something that was once hidden and now has been more fully revealed.

• If we are in Jerusalem 4000 years ago reading Genesis 2 would know that God told men to leave and be joined because that is how he wanted to solve the loneliness and procreation issues.

• But in the fulness of time, when Christ came, we learned that God had in mind something more.

He had in mind that marriage was a picture of Christ’s union with the church.

• In fact, Christ’s union with the church is the once for all defining pattern for the relationship between husband and wife.

• That is why the mystery is so great --- who could have possibly thought of that one?

• Thus, it is our joy to carry out those same purposes.

In the Lord’s economy there is often duty and joy mixed together.

• It is amazing, even mind-blowing, that the Lord would bring together marriage and Christ’s union with the church. What an opportunity.

• But it is also a duty and responsibility. We do not really have a choice.

If we are going to do it well, then our marriage should exhibit Christ’s relationship …

Through Gospel Proclamation

1 Corinthians 10:31-33 Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 32 Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God; 33 just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit but the profit of the many, so that they may be saved.

I thought this was a helpful passage. The context is about what liberty we have. It had to do with eating meat. I find it fascinating how the Lord ends the conversation.

• He ties it to evangelism – to gospel proclamation.

As we live out the marriage roles articulated in this passage, we illustrate for our children and the world around us the proper relationship that exists between Christ and the church.

• When they see us functioning as a Christian marriage should, then they should see something different.

• By pointing to something bigger, we are able to take the next step and tell others how they can be part of the church.

Our motivation comes from being part of his body. If I belong to the Lord and my life is the Lord’s then I should be reflecting through my marriage what being part of the church, the bride of Christ, is like.

By Living for Christ’s Glory

1 Corinthians 10:31 Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

After discussing the eating meat question for three chapters, he says that when you have freedom, do whatever you want. Drinking and “whatever” was not part of the original questions in 1 Corinthians 8. They are added to broaden this application. The end requirement was the same do everything to God’s glory.

That is the case for your marriage. It is helpful for each of us to ask the question whether our life and our marriage is fulfilling its purpose.

• Do people want a marriage like ours because it points to something bigger? That gives us the opportunity to move from Ephesians 5 back to Ephesians 2.

• Would the Lord say that our marriage glorifies him because it accurately portrays this mystery, this idea once hidden but not revealed, that Christ’s covenant with his church is a pattern for the covenant between husband and wife?

We covered a lot of ground for just two verses. It should the richness and depth of God’s Word. May the Lord help us fulfill the meaning and purpose of the marriage covenant.