The Meaning and Purpose of the Marriage Covenant

Welcome to our Fall Kickoff here at Faith North…We are excited for this time of year as it feels like New Year's. I am thankful for all of you who have committed to be a part of our ministries this fall and for the coming year and I look forward to growing with all of you.

Our annual theme is Building on our Heritage. In the nine years since we came to Lafayette, I have had the chance to see a lot of building going on both in relationships and physically with the Hartford Hub, here at the Northend, and our new classrooms for the school…

I have also had some building, or more accurately remodeling going on at our home as well. I have seen the blessings God has brought through contractors like Titan who built the Northend, while at the same time, I have learned at home that not all contractors are alike… There are a lot of ways you could categorize them, but a crucial difference that I have found you can only learn by working with them, would be to find contractors who keep their word, well, and those who do not.

For example, in scheduling, there are those who when they tell you they will be there, you can count on it, and if something happens that they cannot…they communicate well. For others, sometimes it is more like – “wow – you expected that I would do what I said…novel…

Then there is the whole issue of price and quality…

When we needed a bathroom redone, our contractor laid out each detail to include the places where we might find savings and when it was done…the quality was excellent, and the check matched what they estimated…

That has not always been my experience though, replacing our patio was a different adventure in schedule, cost, and quality…particularly quality as we had spoken about the importance of drainage and I received assurances that the design would handle all that we were discussing…then 2 weeks prior our son’s wedding…the reason for the remodel…the first rain after it was complete and it is more like a shallow swimming pool than a patio…After much discussion, a short-term solution was developed, but it took far more convincing for the contractor to acknowledge and commit that the second attempt was his financial responsibility…

I must admit to you all that this was a challenging time for my heart to love my neighbor, the contractor, and help him do the right thing, keeping a promise when it is the hard thing to do…

You may be already thinking, where is the Pastor going - I thought we had started the marriage series.

I think many of us may have stories about people around us on either side of the equation – that being people who keep their commitments and those who do not…

But more important than trying to line up our friends and neighbors with where they would stand regarding keeping their commitments…

Let me ask – Which one are you?

Even on the occasions when keeping your word is harder than you thought it would be? Like the project that did not go as planned the first time.

Last question to get us started – What does all of this have to do with marriage?

Please open with me to Ephesians Chapter 5. If you are using the bible in the chair, please turn to page 1172.

As we continue our verse by verse walk through Ephesians, we are at the end of chapter 5 and will be working into chapter 6 to find Paul’s very practical teaching on the Christian family…where we can find.

The Power of Marital Unity

We are continuing in our passage, chapter 5, verses 21-33 again this week. Within this passage, we will focus on Paul’s use of quotes from Genesis chapter 2, the first mention of marriage in the bible…

We find here the emphasis God places on the covenant nature of marriage, a truth that has deep significance because of God’s covenant relationship with His people.

Our God is a covenant-making God…or more importantly, He is a covenant-keeping God.

And when it comes to our marriages…He wants us to do the same.

For today – what we will find coming out from God’s Word is.

The Meaning and Purpose of the Marriage Covenant

-Please notice that I did not say, the meaning and purpose of marriage. There is that little word at the end … “Covenant.”

I enjoy the opportunity to help a couple prepare for marriage. As we approach the wedding day, I ask the groom and bride if they would like to use traditional vows or whether they would like to write their own. It is a significant decision. What they vow is much more important than what color the flowers are or what food will be available.

Vows, oaths, and covenants are serious words. The only other place I have found them in my life was my commissioning oath in the Navy – I do solemnly swear to support and defend the Constitution…but even that does not compare to my marriage vow.

When we vow for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, do we mean it? Are those words meaningful and significant or just a box we need to check?

Sadly, what I hear in the counseling room today, tells me something different…there are some who really mean that I will keep my vows and covenant if we are richer, healthy, and experiencing “for better.”

I think you would agree that keeping our vows made before God and witnesses is important.

I think this passage also explains that this covenant serves as motivation for why wives live in a marriage as they do and husbands as they do.

Join me as we read…

READ EPH 5:21-33

As we unpack this passage again today, I would like us to consider

3 Actions we must take to fulfill our marriage covenant and purpose.

Many times, when we talk about marriage, we speak of it as the joining of two families together as if it is two royal families intermarrying for the purpose of an alliance…

That would not be God’s purpose in marriage…

Our first action for this morning is to

I. Understand that your Covenant established a new family unit.

You might wonder what Adam and later Eve were thinking as this all happened on that day…

• When were they taught that they were made in the image and likeness of God…and that their lives were to reflect His character and goodness?

• For Adam, what did he think when God said it was not good for him to be alone…did he recognize that, or only God?

• Then the parade of animals – why did God start there? Maybe to help Adam see that the aloneness problem could not be solved any other way…

• He needed a partner like him, to establish a family because he certainly could not be fruitful and multiply on his own.

Then God confirms all this saying.

Ephesians 5:31 & Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

Verse 31 is a direct quote from Genesis 2, For this reason…

What reason? We find that in Gen 2…the reason that it was not good for man to be alone and because God created a helper suitable for him…for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and establish a new family union…

We see that companionship, procreating, and fulfilling God’s command, which is far more than just procreating, these are the reasons for marriage in Genesis 2…

And God wanted all of this done, not through a convenient relationship, or the matching of soul mates…you complete me…but through a covenant relation.

God’s plan is not just amazing – It is very good…that is why God’s description of His creation on day 6, Genesis 1:31, was different from the first 5 days…

Day 5 – it was good…but on Day Six, God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created them, male and female he created them…He blessed them, gave them purpose and generously gave provision…and God saw all that He had made and declared the upgrade complete – it was very good. And he describes how this covenant marriage is to be lived…

First, by…

A. Leaving one’s family of origin

Ephesians 5:31 & Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother…

To leave your father and mother – it is a strong statement as it means to literally cut off or to desert…Why is this such an important concept and why doesn’t it also describe the wife’s family?

In counseling today, I might conclude that the more common problem is a new wife struggling to leave her mother and father and join to her husband when we see that at the early signs of trials or struggles she picks up the phone in tears and calls mom, or sometimes even gets up and goes home to mom and dad to find comfort…

Those are issues to be addressed, but why does the scripture say a man shall leave his father and mother?

Think about the original audiences…

First, men often built their first house onto or adjacent to their parent’s home. The wedding involved going to her home to get her and bring her back with him. Thus, she was already leaving by virtue of the marriage itself.

Second, a wife’s father can exert influence on his daughter, but rarely can he expect his son-in-law to obey his orders. If the man does not “leave” his parents, then his father could easily run the family. Sometimes it is easier to ignore your father-in-law than it is the man who raised you.

So, leave your father and mother…Yes…and

You choose to follow God’s command to Honor your Father and Mother…

The marriage covenant is creating a new family unit that takes first precedence. The prior family unit, under your father and mother, becomes secondary to your primary relationship with your spouse. Even children, should the Lord bless you with children, should be taught that they are loved and cherished, but that your remarriage relationship is primary.

God in his infinite wisdom made a way for Adam and Eve to fulfill his commands for them. One step in that was through the means of covenant marriage.

So, we leave our family of origin and we

B. Cleaving together as husband and wife

Ephesians 5:31 & Genesis 2:24 … and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

With the exchanging of vows, the establishment of a covenant, a new family unit is created. We often symbolize that covenant with a ring. Because there was so much that Kathy and I learned that we did not know when we were married 35 years ago, after 25 years, we recommitted to our covenant through a new set of rings that showed a far greater covenant than the ring that I gave her all those years ago – that one just said poor and cheap…

Let me ask our married couples – do you keep your ring on all the time? Why? For me it is not just a reminder that Kathy and I are married. It is also a sign to any others to know that our loyalties and affections belong to another…

It is under the covenant that God blesses us with the intimacy of marriage.

This include physical intimacy, which God blesses when it is shared between one man and one woman under the cover of the marriage covenant. I believe there is also blessing in intimacy that goes beyond the physical, but sexual intimacy, that it only be shared within the covenant, is clearly important to God as Paul wrote in the NT that sins done outside the body were different from sexual sin because is unites two people as one flesh.

All sin is forgivable, but the consequences can be different.

But as I said, there is also blessing in intimacy that goes beyond the physical…that is why we use another word to picture the marriage relationships over time…

C. Weaving your lives together through time

Ephesians 5:31 & Genesis 2:24 they shall become one flesh.

In preparing for this message, Pastor Green shared with me an illustration from our former senior Pastor, Pastor Bill Goode, that even though I never met Pastor Goode, having heard many stories, I see a picture of a Pastor who was committed to clearly and practically teaching the Word, not just so that we hear it on Sundays, but that we would use it on Mondays.

Let me set this up with a story – we were either in Georgia or Connecticut…I wanted to change my own oil, so I go to the Auto shop on the base…

In this specific car – the oil filter is not in a convenient place…can’t see it. You have to reach up over around and under, then use the special filter strap that bends in all three dimensions…to keep things short…after one wrong move, that filter was almost immovable. In the end it took long screw drivers and large mallets just to turn the filter even 1/64^th of a turn at a time…and in the end, the filters was utterly destroyed in order to remove it from the engine. What should have taken me 20 minutes ended up being over 4 hours. Should have gone to Jiffy Lube…

I know that my issue began with an error, marriage is not, but the result should be the same…that through time and trials that two persons are so closely bonded together that to attempt to separate us, well it breaks us.

Weaving your life together … being joined as one flesh … suggests engaging in physical, emotional, mental and spiritual activity that promotes unity and oneness … unity and oneness. Here are a few specific examples for how to do that:

• Are you making time to talk? It is difficult to build your covenant and be welded together if all you do it handle administrative details.

• Do you make financial decisions in the light so that you both understand and submit to the direction?

• Do you encourage each other’s spiritual growth through prayer, study, and service?

• Do you confess sin and ask forgiveness? When asked are you quick to forgive?

• Are you willing to talk about uncomfortable subjects, or do you refuse to engage or use anger to end conversations?

• Do you adjust to changing life circumstances? Children grow up, struggle in different areas, your energy level changes. We must adapt and adjust to our constantly changing circumstances.

Ephesians 5 did not quote Genesis 2:25 but it says that Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed.

• If nothing else that indicates there was safety and security present in the relationship. They did not fear the other person harming or shaming them.

Understanding the covenant encourages you to take the very practical steps in marriage of leaving, cleaving and weaving…

How are you doing?

• Would you both say that your are leaving, cleaving and weaving? Praise the Lord

• Not as confident in that statement. Maybe what you need is more intentionality. Your marriage may not be crumbling, but could it use some attention

• Maybe you know you are not doing so well, but you also feel stuck and just are struggling to improve…We can all use help in this at times. All of your pastors are available to help. Our counseling ministry is not just for the community, it is first for our church family. If you would like to discuss options…my e-mail and phone are on the bulletin.

Our second action to fulfill the meaning and purpose of the marriage covenant…

II. Keep your Covenant for Life

In Proverbs, in what could be called one of the “My son” speeches, as father to his son or a mentor to his students warns his son about women of poor character saying…

Proverbs 2:16-18 To deliver you from the strange woman, From the adulteress who flatters with her words; 17 That leaves the companion of her youth And forgets the covenant of her God; 18 For her house sinks down to death And her tracks lead to the dead

Now that’s a warning…A relationship with her leads to death…why? Take a look at what is said about her.

• She made a covenant with a man, but God viewed it as more…the Lord was a third party in the union…

• When she broke it, she forgot that her covenant was also with God…

• My son – Stay away from this woman – it will lead to death.

The breaking of the covenant is serious to God…look at how he speaks to the husband in the book of Malachi…

Malachi 2:13-16 “This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. 14 “Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. 15 “But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. 16 “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

Whether it is the husband or the wife forsaking the covenant – God responds seriously.

He rejects their offering and refuses to bless the nation because of how they are living in marriage. Because the Lord has been a witness between you and your wife against who you have dealt treacherously.

If you are considering marriage today or in the future…If you are married today, you should be considering the seriousness of these words…and the vows that you made…til death do us part?

So how do we do this?

By Following His instructions

Let’s consider the kinds of instructions that we have been studying together this year, because the words about marriage are not given to us in a vacuum…

If you have your bible open, go back and look at chapters 4 and 5 and scan them to see the instructions…

After the beaty of Chapters 1-3, Paul calls us to walk worthy of the calling. That means it could go either way, we choose to walk in a worthy manner, or we choose to walk unworthy.

What we just read in Proverbs and Malachi clearly brings God into the marriage covenant. It is amazing the blessing in marriage when we choose to walk in a manner worthy of our calling, when we demonstrate humility, gentleness and patience with our spouse and family. It brings a bond of peace.

Would you describe you marriage as a bond of peace?

We are also called to use the gifts and abilities we are given within our church family. I have personally experienced the change in marriage that comes from each of us choosing to serve with the gifts we have been given.

We must choose to grow in Christian maturity. Even after we are saved, God is instructing us to grow in our behaviors by putting off the old and putting on the new…

Again, considering what we read in Proverbs and Malachi – God does everything for our salvation, then he is looking for is to take action in response to what has been done for us…that include living rightly in marriage…

He cares about women keeping their covenant with their husband and just as much about husbands keeping their covenant with their wives.

He is really not interested in how we might try to make ourselves look in this world…He is concerned about the changes that matter – actions that make us more like Christ.

When I think about living worthy, serving Christ, or actively seek to change my behavior to put on Christlikeness then my marriage benefits. My wife gets a better version, the more I do this.

We studied the 4 rules of communication. Marriages that struggle rarely solve problems. Those who keep current and settle matters quickly enjoy peace (4:26-27).

Marriages characterized by bitterness or clamor are difficult to endure, but kindness and tenderheartedness provide fruitful ground for growth (4:31-32).

We learned about not devoting our lives to people who want to live against the Lord (5:7) and imitate God instead (5:1).

Our discussion a couple weeks ago reminded us to be filled with the Spirit (5:18) because it results in speaking truth, singing in our hearts to the Lord, giving thanks, and submitting in the right relationships.

My point is that the Lord provided us with an incredible amount of “marriage” material in Ephesians.

What is good for us personally is good for our marriage. If you are single this morning, then there is so much helpful material here.

You might have the gift of singleness and will serve the Lord faithfully and sacrificially all your days without the marriage covenant. Way to go. We support you in that effort.

You might desire marriage someday. If so, this is all preparation. The more you apply what 4:1-5:21 already said, the more you are ready to embrace and keep the covenant aspect of marriage.

We can also keep the covenant for life

By Remembering God’s general view of Divorce

We can’t get around what God’s Word says about divorce – God hates it.

Divorce is always the result of sin and the rejection of God’s Word by one or both husband and wife in practical ways in the marriage.

Now I want to also be sensitive – there are some among us that have divorce in our backgrounds. Sometimes because of your own sin – Praise the Lord that we can all be forgiven – and some because of the sin of our spouse, maybe even to the point that divorce was necessary for your safety. Again praise the Lord for his care for the vulnerable and the suffering.

If any of that is you, We are so very glad you are with us and I want you to see, that there is not special seating section for you. You are a part of our family, who God loves and we do too.

But as for a relationship that you are in now…we want to walk with you each day so that we might all keep our covenant for life…

To guide us in that, God gave several instructions related to divorce.

There are times that the Lord allows something he hates.

Sometimes, I am concerned that this “out” tempts people to want it. They do not have grounds for divorce, but life is hard enough that they want one anyway. The more they envision a life without their spouse the more annoying their real-life spouse becomes.

God never promised that marriage would be easy or sinless. God never promised that people would change at the rate you want them to change.

God never promised that just because you call out sin that they will immediately repent.

Sometimes we endure.

James 1:2-4 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

What if the trial is your spouse? Sometimes we live with unmet expectations. I think every married couple, at some point, has lived with unmet expectations.

Last week, Pastor Viars brought up Hosea. Hosea was not exactly getting a lot out of the marriage except hardship and misery. Yet, as we learned, God still told him to go get her and buy her back.

Sometimes our marriages are challenging and a source of suffering. Paul Tripp wrote that God did not design marriage to make us happy, but to make us holy.

Church Family – We need to guard our hearts. The world would try to teach us that divorce is the solution. You could get what you want, if you just were not in your marriage. Divorce lawyers are a business unto themselves and though it is never without pain, divorce can sometimes feel like the easy way out, or maybe the only way out.

But in that view, we are failing to see the greatest possibility, the only real answer that brings hope and blessing…

It would be nice if our spouse would not be a source of suffering. Sometimes they are.

But rather than running from marriage, sometimes living for Jesus requires endurance. The kind of endurance that allows you to be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Our actions for fulfilling the marriage covenant and purpose include understanding that our marriage creates a new family unit and keeping our covenant for life.

The final one for this message is …

III. Reflect Christ’s Relationship to the Church Through Your Marriage

Ephesians 5:31-32 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church

In the first point I went back to Genesis 2 and said that “for this reason” is connected to companionship and fulfilling the Lord’s command to fill the earth with his image bearers. What is absolutely delightful is how the Bible uses the Bible. Ephesians will add something amazing.

Paul uses this truth of God designing marriage to create a new family unit where the husband and wife leave, cleave, and weave their lives together in the context of 5:30 “we are members of His body.”

Then the instructions on marriage given are distinctly Christian.

I am not surprised when the world’s version of marriage has nothing to do with leadership and love for husbands, and submission and respect for wives. It doesn’t fit the world’s narrative.

Ephesians 5:22-33 - These are inherently Christian duties.

When we counsel marriages from our community who are not yet believers, we start with the gospel first. Because the commands in Ephesians sound crazy to the person who is not born again. Because they do not know the One who we are called to reflect in marriage…

And for the couple that comes to know Christ in marriage, yet their family does not know Jesus, don’t be surprised when they are confused by you and try to tell you something different…

If you are with us today – and you are saying in your head that this all sounds crazy, I have never heard this before and it sounds better.

If you are with us today – and you cannot say that you have a definite time in your life when acknowledged your sin and asked God for forgiveness, then it would make sense why this all seems impossible…

If you would like to talk about what that may mean if you have questions and you want to know what the Bible has to say about those questions…any of our pastors would gladly make time for you to talk and to open the Bible together to see.

Or I will say again – if you are listening and saying – I want this, I just don’t know how…we would be honored to walk with you to find the help and hope that available only in God’s Word…

Now, let’s come back to the reason for the quotation. The “for this reason” in Ephesians 5:31 is connected to our union with Christ as members of his body. After the quotation, Paul says “this mystery is great.”

The word mystery in the NT normally refers to something that was once hidden and now has been more fully revealed.

If we were in Jerusalem 4000 years ago reading Genesis 2, we would know that God told men to leave and cleave because that is how he wanted to solve the loneliness and procreation issues.

But in the fullness of time, when Christ came, we learned that God had something more in mind. That marriage was a picture of Christ’s union with the church.

In fact, Christ’s union with the church is the once for all defining pattern for the relationship between husband and wife.

That is why the mystery is so great --- who could have possibly thought of that one? Thus, it is our joy to carry out those same purposes.

But it is also a duty and responsibility. We do not really have a choice.

If we are going to do it well, then our marriage should exhibit Christ’s relationship …

A. Through Gospel Proclamation

1 Corinthians 10:31-33 Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 32 Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God; 33 just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit but the profit of the many, so that they may be saved.

I often find this helpful for me and for couples I may be counseling for their marriage to discuss our purpose, to glorify God, but I do not want to miss why that purpose is so important.

The context in 1 Corinthians is about what liberty we have, the example had to do with eating meat. But this was not just about clarifying a rule

It is a purpose and that purpose is tied to evangelism – to gospel proclamation.

As we live out the marriage roles articulated in our passage for dtoay, we illustrate for our children and the world around us the proper relationship that exists between Christ and the church.

When they see us functioning as a Christian marriage should…they should see something different.

By pointing to something bigger, we are able to take the next step and tell others how they can be part of the church.

Our motivation comes from being part of his body. If I belong to the Lord and my life is the Lord’s then I should be reflecting through my marriage what being part of the church, the bride of Christ, is like.

B. By Living for Christ’s Glory

1 Corinthians 10:31 Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

After discussing the eating meat question for three chapters, he says that when you have freedom, do whatever you want. Drinking and “whatever” was not part of the original questions in 1 Corinthians 8. They are added to broaden this application. The end requirement was the same…

do everything to God’s glory.

That is the case for your marriage. It is helpful for each of us to ask the question whether our life and our marriage is fulfilling its purpose.

Do others want a marriage like ours because it points to something bigger? If they ask the question why – is your answer just in Eph 5 – or do you take them to Eph 2 – For by Grace you have been saved, through faith…

When others look at your marriage – what do they see?

• Do they see you reflecting the covenant nature of your marriage as a new family unit, established as the primary relationship after the Lord?

• Do they see you committed to keeping your Covenant for life by following his instructions and have a biblical view of divorce?

• Do they see you reflecting Christ’s relationship to the church through your marriage?

We covered a lot of ground for just two verses. I pray that it would bring out the richness and depth of God’s Word in your heart. May the Lord help us fulfill the meaning and purpose of the marriage covenant.

PRAY