3 actions we must take to fulfill our marriage covenant and purpose
I. Understand that Your Covenant Established a New Family Unit
Ephesians 5:31 (Genesis 2:24) - FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND HIS MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
A. Leaving one’s family of origin
B. Cleaving together as husband and wife
C. Weaving your lives together through time
II. Keep your Covenant for Life
Proverbs 2:16-18 - To deliver you from the strange woman, from the adulteress who flatters with her words; That leaves the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; For her house sinks down to death and her tracks lead to the dead.
Malachi 2:13-16 - This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
A. By following His instructions
B. By remembering God’s general view of divorce
III. Reflect Christ’s Relationship to the Church through Your Marriage
Ephesians 5:31-32 - For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
A. Through gospel proclamation
1 Corinthians 10:31-33 - Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God; just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit but the profit of the many, so that they may be saved.
B. By living for Christ’s glory
1 Corinthians 10:31 - Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
- around thirty years ago, my wife and I were building the home where we now live…
- that in and of itself felt like a minor miracle because after we were married we went through graduate school in IN where we lived in a trailer and loved it…then to Philadelphia for my doctoral work while we lived and served in a church in New Jersey…
- so we had an apartment there but the cost of living was so expensive…and so was the cost of going to school…so the thought of ever owning a house wasn’t even on our radar screen…
- then we came here and had a solid education…$1500 worth of student debt…and so we started in an apartment here…
- so we paid that off as fast as we could and started saving for a house…
- and the Lord allowed us to buy a home right near the church that a contractor had started but not finished…
- so that project went well and we were also able to buy a lot…
- so by about our eighth year here…we were ready to build a home that was large enough for our family but also to do the kind of entertaining we hoped to do…
- to save money, I served as the “general contractor”…I had plenty of experienced people helping me, but ultimately we were doing all the planning and scheduling and organizing and budgeting ourselves….
- what we learned pretty quickly was that there were 2 very different kind of subcontractors…
- those who kept their word and those who didn’t…
- so for scheduling…I can think of plenty of men and women who, if they said they were going to be there on a particular day at a particular time…they were there…you could practically set your watch to them…
- for others, it was almost as if they didn’t have any intention of doing what they said they were going to…
- and in a few cases actually acted offended if you asked them why they didn’t keep their word…
- it was almost as if their attitude was – well, you didn’t expect me to keep my word, did you?...or, you didn’t think I was serious when I promised you that, did you?...how quaint a notion is that…
- even more significant was the issue of pricing…our budget was very tight…
- and I remember one gentleman who gave us a price on our septic system…and ours was a bit more complicated because when we went to the county to get the building permit…they looked at the plan and said, is this a 4 bedroom house or a 3 bedroom house with an office?...
- and it was almost like…wink, wink…is this a 3 bedroom house with an office?...
- and I asked why that mattered…and they explained that with our kind of soils, if it was a 4 bedroom house, we would not just need a septic tank, but a second tank with a pump that have the system time to rest…
- well, we had 3 children, so I didn’t want to have an undersized system…plus I wasn’t going to start the project off by telling a big whopper…
- so the septic guy knew all of that…and he gave us a price…but then when he installed it he said – you know, that job took more equipment than I realized, but I’m going to stick with the price I gave you…which I really appreciated but is what I would have expected a person in business to do…
- but for another trade…they gave me a price…then we they were done, they gave me a bill that was a lot higher…
- and when I questioned about that…they said, well it took more material than we realized…even though they had measured everything beforehand which is why and how they arrived at the price which is why I selected them over someone else to do that work…
- and again, the surprising aspect was the cavalier way they weren’t willing to keep their word…and in this case they were Christians…
- but keeping a promise even when it was hard seemed to be a foreign concept to them…
- I think we all have stories on either side of that equation that we could tell on that one…
- people who keep their commitments and people who don’t…
- do you mind if I ask you a question this morning?...which one are you?...
- even on those occasions when keeping your word is going to be harder than you thought?...
- here’s a different question…in which category is our Lord?...is He someone who keeps His Word or someone who doesn’t?...
- one more question at this point – what does all of this have to do with marriage?...
- with that in mind, please open your Bible to Ephesians chapter 5…page 1172 of the back section of the Bible under the chair in front of you…
- our theme this year is Building on Our Heritage…as we celebrate our 60th anniversary together…
- our core study for most of the year is a verse-by-verse exposition of the book of Ephesians…and we’re now at the end of chapter 5 and the beginning of chapter 6 where Paul gives very specific and practical teaching about the Christian family…
- we’ve titled this section… The Power of Marital Unity…
- it’s very providential that we’re at this point in light on our annual theme and 60th anniversary…because principles like these are a very important part of our heritage…
- and given the trajectory of our culture…what God’s Word says sounds so foreign to the way many people think and live…
- in fact, much of what these verses say about marriage and the family would be strongly criticized by men and women in our world today…
- so what are people like and me supposed to do?...
- I hope we’ll continue to study and obey the word of God…
- that’s the way we intend to build on our heritage…
- if you know these verses, you know that at one point Paul specifically quotes from Genesis chapter 2…the first mention of marriage in the Bible…
- we’d like to zero in on that section of this passage this morning…because what we find there is God’s emphasis that marriage is a covenant…a concept that is dripping with theological significance because that’s central to the way God chooses to deal with His people…
- He’s a covenant making God…and perhaps more importantly, He’s a covenant keeping God…
- and when it comes to our marriages…He wants us to do the same…
- so we’re talking this morning about The Meaning and Purpose of the Marriage Covenant
- with that in mind – let’s read our verses…Read Ephesians 5:20-33
- all of that is so very important…but let’s especially zero in on verses 30-31, looking for 3 actions we must take to fulfill our marriage covenant and purpose.
I. Understand that Your Covenant Established a New Family Unit.
- you have to wonder what Adam and Eve were thinking as all of this is being laid out…
- and we don’t know for sure the order in which these principles were taught to them…
- but that they were uniquely made in the image and likeness of God…their lives were to reflect His character and goodness…
- then the stunning acknowledgement that it wasn’t good for man to be alone…up to that moment, something was lacking in what God had made thus far…it wasn’t good…
- then the parade of the animals…which I’ve always thought was curious…
- but maybe that happened to help Adam understand that the aloneness problem couldn’t be solved by just anything…
- he needed a partner like him who he could establish a family with so the command to multiple and fill the earth could be obeyed…
- as I said a moment ago…God’s covenants are a central theme in Scripture to help us understand what the Lord is like…
- after the flood in Genesis chapter 9…what did God do?...He made a covenant…
- Genesis 9:8–15 - Then God spoke to Noah and to his sons with him, saying, “Now behold, I Myself do establish My covenant with you, and with your descendants after you; and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the cattle, and every beast of the earth with you; of all that comes out of the ark, even every beast of the earth. “I establish My covenant with you; and all flesh shall never again be cut off by the water of the flood, neither shall there again be a flood to destroy the earth.” God said, “This is the sign of the covenant which I am making between Me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all successive generations; I set My bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a sign of a covenant between Me and the earth. “It shall come about, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow will be seen in the cloud, and I will remember My covenant, which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and never again shall the water become a flood to destroy all flesh.
- every time we see a rainbow, we can be reminded…God makes promises…and God keeps them…
- a few chapters later, after the terrible story of the Tower of Babel…God comes to a childless man named Abram…and what does He do?...He makes a covenant with him… Genesis 12:2–3 - And I will make you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great; and so you shall be a blessing; and I will bless those who bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse. and in you all the families of the earth will be blessed.”
- think about how outlandish that must have sounded…maybe about as outlandish as the role of the husband and the role of the wife we read earlier from the book of Ephesians…
- so what did Abram have to do?...what was his role in the covenant?...here’s what we read a few chapters later…
- Genesis 15:5–6 - And He took him outside and said, “Now look toward the heavens, and count the stars, if you are able to count them.” And He said to him, “So shall your descendants be.” Then he believed in the Lord; and He reckoned it to him as righteousness.
- what does that tell us?...every person has to decide if he or she is going to believe and act on the covenant promises of God…
- do you remember what happened next?...this is crucial covenant content…
- Genesis 15:7-18 - And He said to him, “I am the Lord who brought you out of Ur of the Chaldeans, to give you this land to possess it.” He said, “O Lord God, how may I know that I will possess it?” So He said to him, “Bring Me a three year old heifer, and a three year old female goat, and a three year old ram, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon.” Then he brought all these to Him and cut them in two, and laid each half opposite the other; but he did not cut the birds. The birds of prey came down upon the carcasses, and Abram drove them away. Now when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and behold, terror and great darkness fell upon him. God said to Abram, “Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a land that is not theirs, where they will be enslaved and oppressed four hundred years. “But I will also judge the nation whom they will serve, and afterward they will come out with many possessions. “As for you, you shall go to your fathers in peace; you will be buried at a good old age. “Then in the fourth generation they will return here, for the iniquity of the Amorite is not yet complete.” It came about when the sun had set, that it was very dark, and behold, there appeared a smoking oven and a flaming torch which passed between these pieces. On that day the Lord made a covenant with Abram, saying, “To your descendants I have given this land, from the river of Egypt as far as the great river, the river Euphrates:
- what was all of that?...it might sound odd to us but historians tell us it wouldn’t have been to Abraham…
- because when 2 people were going to make an agreement, or a covenant…they would often do it in exactly the same way…they would cut animals in two and then walk side-by-side in between the halves of the animals…
- and the imagery seems to be…if either of us break this covenant…the same thing that happened to these animals will happen to us…
- in other words…don’t make this promise unless you’re planning to keep it…
- you might want to do that with the next contractor who’s supposed to come work at your house…
- you say you’re going to be here next Thursday at 9am…listen, I have a couple of animals here that we’re going to have to walk in-between…
- and if the contractor says – I wasn’t that serious about being there next Thursday, you might need to select someone else…
- btw, since we’re in the neighborhood – the fact that God had Adam sleep and He passed through the animals alone tells us that some covenants are irrevocable…that’s a different issue…
- but the point for our consideration this morning is – that’s the same kind of language God uses when discussing marriage…
- so what are the covenant stipulations?...because every covenant has stipulations…so what are they?...
A. Leaving ones family of origin
- Ephesians 5:31 (Genesis 2:24) - For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother…
- that’s an incredibly strong word…it literally means “cut off” or “desert”…
- if it was the only word we had, we would assume it means “leave and never come back…”
- that’s why we believe by the way in interpreting Scripture in light of Scripture because the Bible also teaches an important role for grandparents to play in a family…
- so this can’t mean – leaving entirely and never coming back…
- but it does mean this – prioritizing one’s spouse above either side’s parents…which can sometimes be a very tall order for all sorts of reasons…
- but for a man or a woman struggling to do that in a given situation…you promised…that was part of the covenant you made…
B. Cleaving together as husband and wife
- Ephesians 5:31 (Genesis 2:24) - For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife…
- such a powerful word in Scripture…also used of our relationship with the Lord…
- Deuteronomy 10:20 - You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him and cling to Him, and you shall swear by His name.
C. Weaving your lives together through time
- Ephesians 5:31 - For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
- I mentioned that principles like these have been taught here for decades…that’s an important part of the heritage on which we have the privilege of building…
- our former senior pastor was Pastor Bill Goode who started serving here 49 years ago…
- Pastor Green was looking at some old marriage notes from Pastor Goode and came across this illustration…
- Some things that have been joined together a long time are really difficult to get apart.
- In fact, have you ever stripped a screw trying to get it out? Have you ever broke a bolt?
- In college I had to do an exhaust repair on my vehicle. I was going to replace all the piping from the catalytic converter to the tail pipe.
- I bought the parts, and the job was not overly complicated. I had to loosen about 10 bolts, take the pipes apart, install the new ones on rebolt it back together.
- No problem, right? Except one bolt broke. I did not have fancy tools.
- The solution was to take a hacksaw and cut the bolt … under the car … where I could only move the blade an inch or two at a time.
- I was trying to live for Jesus but I may have said a few choice words during that time. What should have taken an hour or so (and would have had a bolt not broke) took much longer.
- Isn’t that a picture of marriage? Where through time and trial we become one so that attempting to separate us breaks us.
- thank the Lord that our church family has tried to apply these principles for decades and decades of our history…
- now, what are some of the upshots of this?...what does this look like practically?...
- we like to talk about the TPT principle…or some like to say, primary/secondary…
- so we start with husband/wife…they are at the center…
- but we also have parents for each of them…assuming that they are still alive…and with the possibility of divorces…there could be more than four people…
- then the Lord may have given children…and again with the possibility of divorces…there could be shared custody and all sorts of things…
- we use the words temporary and permanent because humanly speaking…the only earthly relationship that is permanent is marriage…
- we’re supposed to leave our parents and they are likely to pass away first…
- we’re raising our children to leave as well…
- (some prefer the terminology primary/secondary)…
- the point is the same – part of the covenant a husband and wife make is to not allow any other person in this equation to drive a wedge between them…
- again – it’s amazing how many practical applications there are…
- young couples should be very careful about being financially dependent on their parents, especially if there are strings attached…
- or prioritizing what your parents think over what your spouse thinks…
- the same is true when it comes to children…allowing them to play one against the other…
- or having such a child centered home that there is no time for mom or dad…
- and if you would say – this is so hard…sometimes it is…
- but that’s why it’s so important to remember our Lord has chosen to be in a covenant relationship with us…
- sealed with the shed blood of His own Son…
- that’s why we can have hope as we navigate these waters…
II. Keep Your Covenant for Life
- it’s amazing and instructive that God even uses this terminology to describe the marriage of people who don’t know Him…
- Proverbs 2:16–18 - To deliver you from the strange woman, from the adulteress who flatters with her words; That leaves the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; For her house sinks down to death and her tracks lead to the dead;
- even an apparently unbelieving person’s marriage is considered not just a covenant with a man…but “the covenant of her God…”
- this may be why we read such strong words about divorce…
- Malachi 2:13–16 - This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.
- if you’re considering marriage, how serious are you about the words…
- for better for worse…for richer, for poorer…
- in sickness and in health…till death do us part…
- so how do we do this?...
A. By following His instructions
- these words about marriage in Ephesians weren’t given in a vacuum…
- we already have admonitions to live worthy of our calling as followers of Christ…
- we have the 4 rules of communication
- the challenge to imitate God, and be filled with the Spirit…
- so now, keeping a covenant to another person for life?...because that’s what you promised to do…
- you may remember back in Psalm 15, that the Psalmist poses a question…
- Psalm 15:1 - O Lord, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill?
- then he says…Psalm 15:2–4 - He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart…
- that all makes sense…but later he adds…But who honors those who fear the Lord; he swears to his own hurt and does not change;
- that’s what our septic guy did all those years ago…he promised a particular price…but then when he got into it and realized it was going to cost more and he was going to make less…he kept his promise…he swore to his own hurt…
- I knew an elderly woman who had been married to a pastor who always served in smaller churches and they never had much money…and that was fine – she did the best she could to walk by his side…
- but then her first husband passed away and eventually she started dating a man who had a lot more money…
- and they started planning trips and all sorts of things they could do after they were married…
- not long after the wedding he developed a kidney disorder and had to be on a dialysis treatment that she had to administer to him every day at home…
- and his health deteriorated so rapidly that they were unable to travel…
- and I knew her during those days and humanly speaking, it was all very, very discouraging…
- but her attitude was…just like to my first husband…I made a promise…
- for better, for worse…for richer, for poorer…in sickness and in health…till death do us part…
- so she did her best to follow God’s instructions in the way she cared for her second husband…because she wanted to keep the covenant she had made…
B. Be remembering God’s general view of divorce
- we can’t get around what Scripture says – God hates it…even in the rare cases where He allows it
- we recognize that there are many people who are part of our church family who have one or more divorces in your background…
- we’re glad you’re part of our church and there are no second-class members around here…
- but for the relationship they’re in now – they are often some of the strongest proponents of…with God’s help and grace, I’m going to do everything I can to keep the covenant I made…
- there’s a lot at stake here friends…including the privilege to…
III. Reflect Christ’s Relationship to the Church Through Your Marriage
- Ephesians 5:31–32 - For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
- your faithfulness to your covenant is a marvelous picture of Christ’s faithfulness to His people…
A. Through Gospel Proclamation
- 1 Corinthians 10:31-33 Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God; just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit but the profit of the many, so that they may be saved.
- I realize that someone might say – but my spouse isn’t a Christian…or isn’t interested in the things of God…
- that does not diminish the impact your faithfulness and commitment can potentially have on others…
- remember Paul addressed that very issue in 1 Cor. 7 when discussing what should occur when a believer is married to an unbeliever…but the unbelieving partner wants to stay in the marriage…
- 1 Corinthians 7:14 - For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.
- what does that mean?...even when only one spouse is committed to living for the Lord…that faithfulness to keeping the covenant that was made can have a powerful impact…even on the unbelieving spouse and children…
B. By Living for Christ’s Glory
- 1 Corinthians 10:31 Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
- over the years I’ve had the occasion to be with a person when their spouse was dying…
- I think that’s a wonderful time to review the wedding vows…in some cases ones that were made 50 or 60 years ago…
- and to say – thank you for allowing the Lord to help you keep your promises…for better, for worse…for richer, or poorer, in sickness or in health…till death do you part…
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