The Wife's Role in Marriage

Thankful for the opportunity to continue our mini-series on “Strengthening Unity In Our Relationships.”

As you may recall, our annual theme for the year is “Building On Our Heritage” here at Faith Church because we are celebrating our 60^th anniversary as a Church Family.

I do hope that many of you here today will be at the Church Family Night at Loeb Stadium tonight at 5:00 PM to celebrate!

Well, we should probably get started, so let’s start off with an icebreaker…

There was a married couple who came in for counsel regarding their marriage. So they began to mention a number of issues the problems and challenges of her job with reference to some of the people at her place of employment.

• “They didn’t listen to me and look what happened, I have to clean up their problems!”, she said.

Then she turned to her homelife in so far as the challenges she was facing having with her children.

• “Why won’t they listen”

She had turbulence at work – she had turbulence in her homelife.

At one point, there was a discussion on what God’s Word had to say with reference to His purpose and design for marriage, particularly in the area of the function and responsibilities for each spouse in the marriage.

And she responded by saying that God wouldn’t want her to submit to these “backward patriarchal values.”

Ahhh – do you see the irony? This spouse expected her employees to submit to her, and to follow her leadership.

She also expected her children to do the same – she being one of the parents.

But when God’s Word revealed to her that she should submit to the leadership of her husband within the framework of her marriage relationship to him, submission was now seen as a “backward patriarchal value” that was not good for the whole family and not part of God’s good order for marriage.

On the one hand, it was fine for others submit to her, but not fine at all for her to submit to her husband’s leadership in the marriage!

If you are not aware, the Scriptures have a lot to say about relationships.

For instance, Proverbs was written primarily by Solomon to his son about the fear of the Lord – about life and godliness – about wisdom and foolishness – but the melodic line running through proverbs is wisdom pertaining to…relationships.

And by the time you reach the end of the book – the question that remains are what steps the son will take?

Will the son follow the wisdom of his parents and receive the blessings that follow after wisdom and instruction – or will the son not take heed to the wisdom he has received and the warnings of following after the foolishness and emotions of his heart, thus receiving the consequences for the rest of his life.

When it comes to a single man and a single woman relationship toward one another – the Bible has a lot to say about their conduct in terms of not defrauding one another for one’s own personal advantage in order to get what they want out of that relationship.

Defrauding, by the way, refers to a person who takes advantage of another through deception or lying.

This is broad enough to encompass a number of contexts, including taking advantage of one another sexually. Paul refers to this in his letter to the Thessalonians 5:3 because he understands that as a fallen people, we would inevitably ask – how far is too far (physically, speaking).

So, through the superintending work of the Holy Spirit, he employs a term that leaves no wiggle room for anyone, and said not to take advantage of one another by deception in order to get what you ultimately want – don’t defraud one another, particularly in the area of sex sin, outside the confines of the covenant of marriage.

But don’t let it escape your notice that relationships are in view here – the question is whether or not we are going to follow what is good for our soul in following the everlasting way or not…

When it comes to the covenant the marriage, the problem lies not in the covenant itself – the problem lies with the people in the marriage!

I say that because we understand that the Bible has a lot to say about one’s conduct in terms of an employer/employee relationships. How an employer is to treat his or her employee and vice versa.

However, no area is attacked more in our culture today then the covenant of marriage – especially between a man and a woman.

So if our culture says one thing that disagrees with what the Bible teaches, we believe that God and his word is the final authority in matters of life and godliness because He is the Creator and designer of marriage.

No – we will not bow to what the spirit of the age says – Christ is King – we will believe and follow what our Lord says and take whatever may come from the culture.

As Paul said to young Timothy – we are to preach the Word of God “in season and out of season” – when it’s popular and when it’s not (2 Tim. 4:2).

In past weeks we talked about: The Power for Marital Unity

How those who believe in Jesus Christ are rescued from sin through his powerful death on the cross and resurrection from the dead so that we have the power to now live a life worthy of our salvation in our relationships.

It’s none other than through power of the Holy Spirit give to us that we have the capacity to please our Lord with our relationships because of our ultimate marriage is to Jesus Christ.

Then we looked at was The Meaning and Purpose of the Marriage Covenant in so far as a relationship of promised commitment for life that establishes a new family unit and reflects the covenant love of Christ to his church – one man for one woman – for life.

Then last week we discussed a biblical view of sex and intimacy as A Picture of Marital Unity. And how we cultivate unity and intimacy in a marriage.

So for morning, we are looking at The Wife’s Role for Marital Unity.

To the wife in a marital relationship here today with her husband: God has graciously granted to you all things pertaining to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).

But not only that, he has granted to you a supernatural power to follow your husband while helping him make wiser decisions for your family throughout the course of your sojourn here on earth life as you make your way to the City of God.

With that in mind, please turn in your bibles to Ephesians 5:21–33 page _______ (read)

For this morning, we are focusing on 4 Parts of the Wife’s Role which Promote Unity in Marriage.

All of you saints ought to take heed to these facets of the wife’s function in the marriage relationship. Husbands, you will give an account before Christ at the Bema seat judgment with how you lead your wife and family.

Husband, your wife will not have to give an account in this area – you will.

To the believers who are not yet married: you are responsible to know what God’s word says about roles and responsibilities in preparing for your marriage one day.

Should the Lord were to have you be married, then you would need to know your responsibilities as a wife or a husband before God.

Oh, by the way – you too will give an account also in terms of your conduct and the stewardship of your bodies.

There is no escape hatch for you or special pleading on your part – You alone will give an account “so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.” (2 Cor. 5:10)

Let’s move on…

First, fulfilling our marriage roles starts with believers…

I. Submitting to Christ (Eph 5.21)

Ephesians 5:21 – “and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.”

Being subject to one another in the fear of Christ is a fruit of the believer in Christ Christian filled by the Holy Spirit promised to us when you got saved!

So then being subject to one another is an evidence of the Holy Spirit’s controlling influence over your life in relation to authority and submission.^[1]

Being subject to one another is another evidence of your desire to imitate your God in the love of Christ (Eph 5:1).

II. Helping your husband (Genesis 1:26-31; 2:18-25)

Genesis 2:18 – Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.

“It is God Himself who decrees that man’s solitude is not good, and it is God Himself who sets out to complete one of the central designs of creation, namely, man and woman in marriage…Don’t miss that central and all-important statement: God Himself will make a being perfectly suited for him––a wife.” (John Piper, This Momentary Marriage, 21).

Helping your husband reflects being an image bearer of God because it is a facet of His purpose for you in so far as exercising dominion over God’s creation alongside your husband.

Only you and your husband have the God given capacities to flourish under what God has created for you.

Being a helper represents God because of…

A. The honorable nature of this position, “helper,” frequently describes God.

Here’s what being a “Helper” does not mean: it does not mean that God made you to be inferior to your husband.

Being a helper neither means passivity nor weakness. It simply means that your function in the marriage covenant is different than that of the function of your husband.

A husband has a particular function in marriage and the wife has a unique function in marriage. Neither are inferior to one another. A husband and wife will share in the

Take for instance the three persons in the Godhead – God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. All are equal in Persons and in Nature.

That’s why you will hear in any pulpit here at Faith Church that all three Persons of the Godhead are co-equal and consubstantial – meaning, that they are one in nature or substance or being.

And we learned this from our Lord when he quoted the Shema in Deuteronomy - "Shema Yisrael, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad"

"Hear O Israel, The Lord our God, the Lord is one" – Deuteronomy 6:4

Yet even though the three are one God, they have different functions and none of them are inferior to one another.

For instance, the Father sent the Son into the World to redeem a people for Himself. One function

The Son came into the world and to seek and to save that which is lost, and redeeming a spiritual bride for himself – the body/bride of Christ, the Church – a second function.

The Holy Spirit is sent by the Son to regenerate the lost, to seal his elect unto Himself, and to bring about salvation change in conformity to the image of the Son – a third function.

We call this the economic Trinity. All are equal, none are inferior, yet serve different functions.

Angels have a particular function – their primary function is that of “ministering spirits.” (Hebrews 1:7)

When God made man and woman according to his image and likeness – both were created with equal value and worth – yet both serve in a different function or role within the covenant of marriage, you see?

That is how God designed it!

So I say to this wife here today that you have a glorious function!

When God made the mystique of womankind, he designed you to work and function in the framework of God’s design!

And only you have the capacity to complement your husband in such a way that nothing in all creation has the capacity to help meet your husband that God only put within you!

So take your mind captive by the washing of the Word – don’t allow the world to beguile you like the serpent did from the simplicity and purity and devotion to Christ – 2 Cor. 11:3

Oh and, by the way: were you aware that your Creator functions as a helper for you?

Psalm 54:4 – Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my soul.

Does that mean God is inferior or is passive in sustaining you in the day by day and by and by?

Psalm 30:10 – Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me; O LORD, be my helper.

1 Samuel 7:12 – Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far the LORD has helped us."

Do you see the pattern yet? And do I need to remind you not to miss the motivation for why you do the things that you do? “in the fear of Christ.” – Ephesians 5:21

“The fear of the Lord is lowly and meek;
The happy reward of all that him seek;
They only that fear him the truth can discern,
For, living so near him, his secrets they learn.”

Look: If you are able to say along with the writer to the Hebrews…

Hebrews 13:6 – so that we confidently say, "THE LORD IS MY HELPER, I WILL NOT BE AFRAID. WHAT WILL MAN DO TO ME?"

Prior to Paul’s conversion his name was Saul – he was persecuting Christians left and right. He knew it was wrong, yet he persisted to persecute, even to kill them…that is, until he came face to face with Christ himself – and while on the Damascus road, Jesus stopped Saul in his tracks and said this:

Acts 26:14 “And when we had all fallen to the ground, I heard a voice saying to me in the Hebrew dialect, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.’”

A goad, by the way, was a sharp object in order to steer the ox in the direction the farmer wanted it to go – the more the ox resisted the deeper the goad was driven deeper it’s flesh.

The point is that Saul was trying to destroy the rise of Christianity, but he couldn’t do it – so he pressed on, resisting the Spirit’s conviction in his life.

Oh Saul – why are you, persecuting me and why are you resisting my work in your life?

But the point to the end of the spear is this: Why would you kick against the goads of God’s role/function in your life not just as a wife to your husband but as a…helper to him too?

Is it any wonder why some of you can be so…dysfunctional? Because you are trying to function outside of how God made you to function?

Now, at this point, it can be very easy for me to rail against my own heart as a man because I know we as husbands at times have not made it easy for them to want to help us.

But Pastor Rod already did that, so I would ask that if you perchance weren’t here last week, by all means, take the time to listen to what he said.

But since I’ve been tasked on the calendar to preach on this topic, it seems necessary to ask the wives if you have considered…

B. The potential delight of being a helpful companion (Genesis 1:26-28; 2:18, 20, 24).

1. Helping him in the responsibilities (work/job) he has to fulfill (Genesis 1:28)

2. Helping him in the parenting process (Genesis 1:28; 2:24)

3. Helping in exercising the spiritual gifts within the church (1 Corinthians 12)

4. Helping in reaching out to the community (Matthew 5:13-16)

5. Helping in a sexual relationship with each other (Genesis 1:28; 2:25; 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

How do these things make you inferior? That’s the spirit of the age whispering in your ear. That’s the culture kicking against the goads.

And behind it all lay the beguiling of the serpent whispering in your ear.

Tim and Deb, long-term members of our church have tasted and seen the beauty of God’s design and order in the marriage relationship as a wife lives out her God given responsibilities to be a helper to her husband.

[PLEASE INSERT Video Testimony – Tim and Deb Catron – 612 Words]

Following God’s design for marriage by being a helper is a beautiful blessing and delight…wives are also to follow Christ by…

III. Following your husband’s leadership (Ephesians 5:22-24)

Ephesians 5:22–24 – Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Again, notice the motivation of submission for wives is… “as to the Lord.” In submitting to her husband in that very action she is submitting to Christ.

Now all sorts of thoughts and questions and scenarios might be coming up in your mind…that’s why it’s so important to…

A. Develop a biblical view of submission

Submission = put in subjection, be under the authority of; take a subordinate place (position)

First, submission doesn’t mean inferiority. It’s not just Paul who teaches this: all of God’s Word highlights God’s design for wives to submit to their husbands like…

1 Peter 3:1 – In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.

Submission is not the only lens that we use to look at how a Christian lives in relationships. So, all the early commands for believers in Christ in Ephesians 4 and 5 that apply to all Christians, still apply to wives in a marriage relationship.

For instance, submission does not mean that if a husband doesn’t want his wife to speak ever, that she shouldn’t because she must submit…no – bare in mind that she has a biblical responsibility to submit to Christ by speaking the truth in love Eph 4:15, even when it confronts a husband in his sin and the husband doesn’t like it.

1. Submission is good because it is God’s divine plan for function and order (Eph 5:22-23)

The reason for submission in Ephesians 5:22-23 is grounded in God’s creation order with Adam made first as the head of his wife, Eve, and thus he has authority.

That it so say that before the fall, before the curse of sin, before sinful abuse of authority – God had already laid out his design and purpose, even though some may abuse and misuse God’s good gift and design.

Verse 24…also clarifies that wives are to be submissive “in everything” in the sense of in every area of life.

The Christian wife by her willingness to follow Christ, she voluntarily chooses to be under the authority of her husband and follow his leadership as a helper in every area of life.

This is what is proper and fitting for the marriage.

Therefore, submission for the wife does not entail only a specific area of your life, but then you can do whatever you choose in other areas irrespective of your husband’s leadership.

“I am happy to submit doing some chores around the house to be a helper to my husband,” but I don’t need to submit to my husband for how I want to spend our money.

No be subject “in everything” including our finances.

“I am happy to submit to helping getting groceries, but I will not submit to my husband’s idea for where we encourage our kids to go to school…”

No, be subject in everything including school decisions too.

Again, “in everything” means in every area of life – this means you have to talk…a lot – and you husband need to listen.

What submission does not mean is that the wife is to submit to doing sinful things or following my husband’s leadership when he is leading us to sin against God or neglect obedience to God’s Word in other responsibilities in the Christian life.

In those situations, wives must obey God rather than their husband.

Remember that submission is not only a thing for wives in marriage…

2. Submission is a way of life for every believer in a variety of relationships, not just the wife (Eph 5:21)

As we see, submission and authority are designed by God for order and the flourishing of all God’s creation as children submit to parents, employees submit to employers, wives submit to husbands, citizens submit to governing authorities, church members submit to church leaders.

In all these relationships, I choose first to submit to God as the motivation and purpose for why I submit in these other relationships, but I must always obey God rather than people, if their authority is being used unrighteously to lead me to sin or others as well.

There is great hope that Jesus knows what he is asking of you…

B. Since Jesus is the example of perfect submission, wives can follow His example!

Jesus knows a thing or two about our brokenness, how people misuse God’s Word and how people are imperfect authorities…And he calls Christians to follow in his steps by responding righteously even while suffering.

1 Peter 2:21 – For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps.

John 6:38 – For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.”

C. Respond properly to imperfect leadership (1 Peter 2:18–3:6)

1. Since Jesus is the only perfect leader, we all face the challenge of following imperfect leadership in the home.

Some you ladies might have said – well, if he were “perfect” life Jesus, it would be far easier to submit to him as my husband.

Really now…?

1 Corinthians 11:3 – But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

Need I need to remind you that you already have a perfect authority, Jesus Christ whom you are called to submit to?

Need I need to remind you that you commanded to submit and follow him everyday your spiritual head – so how is that shaking out for you?

And how often do you not submit to and follow his perfect leadership and directives for your life, yes?

Some of you sheepishly said… yessss!

Your struggle is not that Christ is perfect – you already know that! You don’t want to readily submit to him at times is not because of him, but because you want to satisfy your desires and your interests first!

In other words, you want the rule over your own life!

If you can’t say AMEN, you can say ouch! There is no wiggle room for you, ok! There’s no wiggle room for any of us!

So submitting to Christ will help us in…

2. Responding to a believing husband who is imperfect

So a wife should seek to fulfill her responsibilities to please the Lord not based on the condition that the husband be perfect or meets her expectations. This type of response of being subject even includes…

3. Responding to an unbelieving husband who is imperfect

Living in a way that glorifies God according to the function you have as a spouse can have a powerful impact…

1 Corinthians 7:14 – For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband…

I want you to hear another married couple, Brian and Jocelyn Wallace, that have tasted and experienced the joy and blessing of God of biblical submission in their marriage.

[VIDEO TESTIMONY BRIAN AND JOCELYN WALLACE] – Approx. 700 words

Finally, we see, wives are to glorify God by…

IV. Respecting your husband (Ephesians 5:33)

Ephesians 5:33 – Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

God is not just focusing on the behavior, but the attitude that the wife has toward her husband by respecting him.

Showing respect is something that wives should be cultivating in their thought life and communicating regularly with their husbands.

“A godly wife will not only show respect to her husband’s position during the difficult times, such as his sin or his failure, but she will also show respect on a daily basis when he is just an everyday, ordinary person.” (Martha Peace, The Excellent Wife, 110)

Practical ways to show respect for your husband:

A. Practice godly communication (Ephesians 4:25-33)

PPP principle…. Present your spouse Positively in Public.

Speak the truth in love.

Attack the problem not the person.

Act Don’t React.

Keep Current.

B. Choosing to believe the best about him (1 Corinthians 13:7) ‘…believes all things’

Not assuming motives…if a Christian viewing them as a co-heir in Christ…

• A partnership in the gospel…

C. Deal with your problems first before trying to help him to please God (Matthew 7:1-5)

Question: How does God want to use my husband’s imperfections to help me grow to be more like Christ?

D. Pray for him daily

[1] John MacArthur Commentary on Ephesians, 271.