The Wife's Role in Marriage

There was a married couple that for counsel regarding their marriage.

She lamented the significant challenges in her work, she said regarding her employees:

• “They didn’t listen to me and look what happened, I have to clean up their problems!”

She went on to mention some of the challenges with their children.

• “Why won’t they just follow my advice? They don’t see how this is affecting the whole family”

Then when it came time to talk about some of the challenges in their marriage, as she read God’s Word, the passage that we have for today, as we were seeking to discuss God purpose and design for marriage and the roles and responsibilities for spouses in marriage she said “Submit! God wouldn’t want me to submit to these “backward patriarchal values.”

This wife expected her employees to submit to her. She believed this was God’s design and order and for everyone’s good. As good employees they should voluntarily choose to place themselves under her direction and follow.

This wife expected her children to submit to them as parents. She believed this order in her family as a parent was right and good for everyone. The children should voluntarily choose to place themselves under her direction and follow.

But when God’s Word mentioned that she should submit…in the context of the marriage relationship…submission was now a backward patriarchal value that was not good for the whole family and not part of God’s good order for marriage.

She was happy to have others submit to her, but not happy to submit to others. She loved the blessing and order of God’s design for these other relationships that when they submit promote the most unity. But she did not believe the blessing and beauty of God’s design and order for the marriage relationship that promotes and strengthens unity. Please turn in your bibles to Ephesians 5:21–33 page _______.

This morning, we are continuing our mini-series on “Strengthening Unity In Our Relationships” as we have been growing to be more like Jesus Christ by applying the book of Ephesians this year as a church.

Our annual theme for the year has been all about “Building On Our Heritage” as we are celebrating our 60^th anniversary as a Church Family. I hope you are going to be at the Church Family Night at Loeb Stadium next Sunday September 8^th at 5:00 PM to celebrate!

One aspect of our 60-year heritage is that we are unashamedly a Bible believing church. That’s the marvelous heritage we have as a church.

Christ is building his church and while the grass withers and the flower fades, the Word of our God stands forever. And our church family has seen Christ to be faithful to build his church and strengthen families as we have sought to faithfully follow God’s Word.

No doubt one of the most common areas where our culture’s values collide with God’s values is marriage. So, when culture says one thing that disagrees with what the Bible teaches, we believe that God and his word is the authority since he is the creator and designer of marriage, so we will believe and follow what God says. Even if it means it’s not the most popular view or goes against the ways of human culture, or someone’s opinion, or the ways that someone was raised.

In past weeks we talked about: The Power for Marital Unity

How those who believe in Jesus Christ are rescued from sin through his powerful death on the cross and resurrection from the dead so that we have the power to now live a life worthy of our salvation in our relationships. So, by the power of the Holy Spirit we can please the Lord in our relationships because of our ultimate marriage to Jesus Christ.

Then we talked about The Meaning and Purpose of the Marriage Covenant that marriage is a relationship of promised commitment for life that establishes a new family unit and reflects the covenant love of Christ to his church.

Then last week we discussed a biblical view of sex and intimacy as A Picture of Marital Unity. And how we cultivate unity and intimacy in a marriage.

This morning, we are talking about The Wife’s Role for Marital Unity. Next Sunday we will be focusing on the Husband’s Role for Marital Unity.

Please follow along as I read beginning in Ephesians 5:21 [Read Eph 5:21-33]

This morning, we are focusing on 4 Parts of the Wife’s Role which Promote Unity in Marriage.

All God’s people need to pay attention to these facets of the Wife’s role. Husbands, you a responsible to lead your wife to faithfully follow Christ and his Word so that she can give a good account before Christ on judgment day.

Believers who are single, you are responsible to know what God’s word says about the roles and responsibilities so that you may disciple and help Christians who are married grow in godliness and Christlikeness to live these out. Also, if the Lord were to have you be married, then you would need to know your responsibilities as a wife or a husband before God.

First, fulfilling our marriage roles starts with believers…

I. Submitting to Christ (Eph 5.21)

Ephesians 5:21 – and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

Being subject to one another in the fear of Christ

is a fruit of the Christian who is filled by the Holy Spirit.

This is not natural…this is not what humans normally do.

It’s evidence of the power of God

And the Holy Spirit’s controlling influence over your life.

A believer who is being subject to one another

is evidence of someone walking in the love of Christ (Eph 5:1).

Being subject to one another is the fruit of a Christian

who is living wisely,

making the most of every opportunity,

and someone who understands what the will of the Lord is in their relationships (Eph 5:15–17).

So, the command in verse 22 for wives to be subject to their own husband, is unpacking and explaining an example of how we are to be subject to one another in the fear of Christ… What does that look like for a married woman?

Don’t miss the motivation for why these responsibilities are embraced, “the fear of Christ.”

The primary motivation for why I seek to faithfully fulfill my marriage role and responsibilities has nothing to do with my spouse!

• So the motivation for being subject is not “when my husband is kind,” then I’ll be subject.

• Or the motivation “when he agrees with me” then I’ll be subject.

• Or the motivation is “when its comfortable and easy” then I’ll be subject.

Question: Wives, what are the motivations that can be put first as the reason for fulfilling your responsibilities in marriage?

Is the fear of Christ motivating you? Are you being subject to your husband ultimately because you are seeking to be subject to Christ and fear him?

So, the wives and husbands are going to need to embrace that living out their God given roles and responsibilities is because they are seeking to submit to Jesus and fear him. This is what will build and strengthen unity in their marriage.

What else is involved for the wife that will build and strengthen unity in the marriage…it’s being subject to Christ by…

II. Helping your husband (Genesis 1:26-31; 2:18-25)

Genesis 2:18 – Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.

“It is God Himself who decrees that man’s solitude is not good, and it is God Himself who sets out to complete one of the central designs of creation, namely, man and woman in marriage…Don’t miss that central and all-important statement: God Himself will make a being perfectly suited for him––a wife.” (John Piper, This Momentary Marriage, 21).

Helping your husband reflects being an image bearer of God. For the wife being a helper is a facet of God’s purpose for her as an image bearer of God to have dominion and exercise her God given capacities and properties to flourish life in God’s creation.

Being a helper represents God because of…

The honorable nature of this position, “helper,” frequently describes God.

Being a “Helper” does not imply inferiority or passivity or weakness…

Psalm 54:4 – Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my soul.

Psalm 30:10 – Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me; O LORD, be my helper.

1 Samuel 7:12 – Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far the LORD has helped us."

Hebrews 13:6 – so that we confidently say, "THE LORD IS MY HELPER, I WILL NOT BE AFRAID. WHAT WILL MAN DO TO ME?"

What beautiful descriptions of how God seeks to help!

• Helping by rescuing and sustaining.

• Helping through showing faithful mercy.

• Helping through subduing enemies.

• Helping through seeking to protect.

So consider the…

The potential delight of being a helpful companion (Genesis 1:26-28; 2:18, 20, 24).

1. 1. 1. Helping him in the responsibilities (work/job) he has to fulfill (Genesis 1:28)
      2. Helping him in the parenting process (Genesis 1:28; 2:24)
      3. Helping in exercising the spiritual gifts within the church (1 Corinthians 12)
      4. Helping in reaching out to the community (Matthew 5:13-16)
      5. Helping in a sexual relationship with each other (Genesis 1:28; 2:25; 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

Wives living this way is a delight to Christ and blessing to her husband and a blessing to the family, and a blessing to the community.

Tim and Deb, long-term members of our church have tasted and seen the beauty of God’s design and order in the marriage relationship as a wife lives out her God given responsibilities to be a helper to her husband.

[Video Testimony – Tim and Deb Catron – 612 Words]

Following God’s design for marriage by being a helper is a beautiful blessing and delight…wives are also to follow Christ by…

III. Following your husband’s leadership (Ephesians 5:22-24)

Ephesians 5:22–24 – Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Again, notice the motivation of submission for wives is… “as to the Lord.” In submitting to her husband in that very action she is submitting to Christ.

Now all sorts of thoughts and questions and scenarios might be coming up in your mind…that’s why its so important to…

Develop a biblical view of submission

Submission = put in subjection, be under the authority of; take a subordinate place (position)

It’s not just Paul who teaches, this all of God’s Word emphasizes God’s design and order for wives to submit to their husbands like…

1 Peter 3:1 – In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.

Submission is not the only lens that we use to look at how a Christian lives in relationships. So, all the early commands for believers in Christ in Ephesians 4 and 5 that apply to all Christians, still apply to wives in a marriage relationship. So for example, submission does not mean that if a husband doesn’t want his wife to speak ever, that she shouldn’t because she must submit…no remember she has a biblical responsibility to submit to Christ by speaking the truth in love Eph 4:15, even when it confronts a husband in his sin and the husband doesn’t like it.

1. Submission is good because it is God’s divine plan for function and order (Eph 5:22-23)

The reason for submission in Ephesians 5:22-23 is grounded in God’s creation order with Adam made first as the head of his wife, Eve, and thus he has authority. This is before the fall, before the curse of sin, before sinful abuse of authority. This is God’s design and purposes even though some may abuse and misuse God’s good gift and design.

Verse 24…also clarifies that wives are to be submissives “in everything” in the sense of in every area of life.

The Christian wife shows her willingness and character to follow Christ. She voluntarily chooses to be under the authority of her husband and follow his leadership as a helper in every area of life. This is what is proper and fitting for the marriage. This is what flourishes the marriage relationship and strengthens unity according to God’s design.

• Therefore, submission for the wife does not entail only a specific area of your life, but then you can do whatever you choose in other areas irrespective of your husband’s leadership.

• “I am happy to submit doing some chores around the house to be a helper to my husband,” but I don’t need to submit to my husband for how I want to spend our money. No be subject in everything” including our finances.

• “I am happy to submit to helping getting groceries, but I will not submit to my husband’s idea for where we encourage our kids to go to school…” No, be subject in everything including school decisions.

Again, “in everything” means in every area of life, but it is does not mean I submit “in everything” even in doing sinful things or following my husband’s leadership when he is leading us to sin against God or neglect obedience to God’s Word in other responsibilities in the Christian life. In those situations, wives must obey God rather than their husband.

Remember that submission is not only a thing for wives in marriage…

1. Submission is a way of life for every believer in a variety of relationships, not just the wife (Eph 5:21)

As we see, submission and authority are designed by God for order and the flourishing of all God’s creation as children submit to parents, employees submit to employers, wives submit to husbands, citizens submit to governing authorities, church members submit to church leaders. In all these relationships, I choose first to submit to God as the motivation and purpose for why I submit in these other relationships, but I must always obey God rather than people, if their authority is being used unrighteously to lead me to sin.

There is great hope that Jesus knows what he is asking of you…

Since Jesus is the example of perfect submission, wives can follow His example!

Jesus knows a thing or to about our brokenness, how people misuse God’s Word and how people are imperfect authorities…And he calls Christians to follow in his steps by responding righteously even while suffering.

1 Peter 2:21 – For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps.

John 6:38 – For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.”

Respond properly to imperfect leadership (1 Peter 2:18–3:6)

1. 1. 1. Since Jesus is the only perfect leader, we all face the challenge of following imperfect leadership in the home.

We might be tempted to think if only this authority or leader in my life were perfect…then it would be easy to obey and follow and I would happily and joyfully voluntarily submit to him.

1 Corinthians 11:3 – But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

When we remember we have a perfect authority, Jesus Christ, who we are commanded to submit and follow everyday as our head, and how often we do not agree and follow his leadership and directives, that we are reminded that our struggle to submit is not because of him, but because we want to satisfy our desires and interests first.

So submitting to Christ will help us in…

1. 1. 1. Responding to a believing husband who is imperfect

So a wife should seek to fulfill her responsibilities to please the Lord not based on the condition that the husband be perfect or meets her expectations. This type of response of being subject even includes…

1. 1. 1. Responding to an unbelieving husband who is imperfect

Living in a way that glorifies God according to the role and responsibilities that you have as a spouse can have a powerful impact…

1 Corinthians 7:14 – For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband…

I want you to hear another married couple, Brian and Jocelyn Wallace, that have tasted and experienced the joy and blessing of God of biblical submission in their marriage.

[VIDEO TESTIMONY BRIAN AND JOCELYN WALLACE] – Approx. 700 words

Finally, we see, wives are to glorify God by…

IV. Respecting your husband (Ephesians 5:33)

Ephesians 5:33 – Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

God is not just focusing on the behavior, but the attitude that the wife has toward her husband by respecting him.

Showing respect is something that wives should be cultivating in their thought life and communicating regularly with their husbands.

“A godly wife will not only show respect to her husband’s position during the difficult times, such as his sin or his failure, but she will also show respect on a daily basis when he is just an everyday, ordinary person.” (Martha Peace, The Excellent Wife, 110)

Practical ways to show respect for your husband:

Practice godly communication (Ephesians 4:25-33)

PPP principle…. Present your spouse Positively in Public.

Speak the truth in love.

Attack the problem not the person.

Act Don’t React.

Keep Current.

Choosing to believe the best about him (1 Corinthians 13:7) ‘…believes all things’

Not assuming motives…if a Christian viewing them as a co-heir in Christ…

• A partnership in the gospel…

Deal with your problems first before trying to help him to please God (Matthew 7:1-5)

Question: How does God want to use my husband’s imperfections to help me grow to be more like Christ?

[If time allows unpack with some illustrations]

Pray for him daily